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jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: mjorfian on May 21, 2017, 08:17:34 pm ---Hey, I'm back! Hope it's okay for you to have a look at this intro for me. Thanks!
--- End quote ---
Sure!
SpoilerAssess the contributions of ONE significant person (other than Abraham and Moses) to the development and expression of Jewish beliefs and practices.
The prophet Isaiah has had a significant impact on the development and expression of Jewish beliefs and practices both in his time and centuries through the contemporary society. Slight expression issue there, I'd just say, "and for contemporary society," but great start! He was a prophet from Judah who began his ministry in 740 BC during the turbulent period of Assyrian expansion and the subsequent decline of Israel in the north. Known for his long ministry, Isaiah achieved the considerable status of ‘the prince of the prophets’ through his many significant contributions to the development and expression of Jewish beliefs and practices. Perhaps a tad too much biographical information - But this is a nitpick. You could get straight into the contributions. Some of which are his oracles of the messiah, his warnings about punishment and salvation, his role as a political leader, and his passionate advocacy for social justice. Nice lay out of contributions - I'd expect you to elaborate on their meaning for the adherent in each paragraph. Thus, it can be seen his contributions were undeniably significant to the development and expression of Jewish beliefs and practices. Good!
I think this is a solid intro! Clear judgement made and a nice structure lay out. You could do more to link the contributions to the beliefs/practices more explicitly in the introduction to more completely answer the question ;D
12070:
Hey so I finally finished my essay and I'm a fair bit over the world limit. I was wondering if you could tell me if anything is irrelevant or repetitive. Also, I really want 20/20 so please be harsh because our cohort is really strong. Also the scaffold asks for variants which I'm unsure as to how to incorporate them. Is putting the Catholic example enough? Thanks in advance :)
SpoilerThe attainment of world peace demands religious traditions to coincide in the confrontation of hostility in order to achieve a global state of solidarity. World Peace requires a unified sense of wellbeing and freedom from conflict, fear, and injustice. However, world peace can only be achieved if an individual acquires inner peace; relating to the individual’s tranquillity and their connection with God. These notions are reflected throughout the Bhagavad Gita and the New Testament of the Bible as they reiterate the importance of solidarity and foster the adherent in connecting to their beliefs leading to an inner peace which inevitably evokes the entrenchment of world peace.
Principal teachings by Jesus Christ in the New Testament are imperative to connecting the Christian adherent to an inner peace and demonstrating how their beliefs transcend into attaining world peace. Peace is at the heart of the life and ministry of Jesus Christ as he is the son of God from whom all peace derived and is said to have acted in perfect righteousness and hence is commonly referred to as the ‘Prince of Peace’ (Isaiah 9:6). As Jesus models a life for peace, he is subsequently what adherents strive to emulate. Jesus constantly endeavoured to promote solidarity and foster greater tolerance reflected in ‘For Christ Jesus is our peace, who has made us both one, and has broken down the dividing wall of hostility.’ (Ephesians 2:14) It is thus evident that peace is a gift from God which guides adherents to obtain inner peace through God before dispersing peace to the broader community. This is demonstrated by the director of ‘TEAR Australia’ stating ‘I find my motivation for peacebuilding in the teachings of Jesus’ reflecting that solidarity and world peace primarily require an individual’s inner peace. The notion of peace is further emphasised in the Catholic Church at the ending of Mass when the Priest calls the community to go out in peace illustrating that peace is continuously being put into action today. Thus it is evident in the New Testament that Jesus’ teachings on love, compassion, and acceptance guide adherents to a sense of inner peace which acts as a catalyst for solidarity as the prosperity of peace is enabled to flourish throughout the world.
Christian adherents are presented with numerous opportunities to get involved in a vast array of peacemaking initiatives in order to actively express their principal beliefs and values evident in the New Testament. A significant focus for many ecumenical groups is on global peace and to achieve this, they focus on values expressed in the New Testament such as justice, gratitude, forgiveness and humility. Jesus’ Golden Rule; ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’ (Luke 6:31) reflects this notion as adherents are encouraged to act purely and in justice reflecting that of Jesus. Initiatives such as the Catholic Charismatic Renewal (CCR) emphasises ecumenism as it aims to ‘bring God’s love and grace to all.’ This is reflected by Pope Francis speaking at the Circus Maximus stating “It (CCR) was born ecumenical because it is the Holy Spirit that creates unity and the same Holy Spirit that gave the inspiration for it to be thus.” Pope Francis also encouraged individuals to appreciate the common humanity we share in the “One Minute for Peace” initiative held on the 8th of June 2017 stating “In our days, there is a great need to pray – Christians, Jews, and Muslims – for peace.” Past popes have similarly advocated for world peace such as Pope John XXIII in his Pacem in Terris (Peace in the World) encyclical. This has led to the world day of peace on the 1st of January where the Pope publishes a message to Christian adherents and political and religious leaders about opportunities for individuals to promote solidarity and bring about peace. Thus it is clear how organisations and initiatives primarily express the importance of solidarity in fostering individuals and communities towards world peace.
The basis of Hindu interpretation and teachings of peace lie in the Hindu sacred text The Bhagavad Gita. Individuals are instructed to live peaceful, tolerant lives that reflect the teachings of Hindu avatars and gods such as Lord Krishna. A key belief in the Hindu application of peace is dharma which is firmly entrenched in ahimsa including the qualities of compassion, acceptance and tolerance. Adherents that actively apply this concept to their everyday life not only foster a sense of inner peace but also attiain a genuine sense of harmony and peace within their community. Participating in activities such as yoga and meditation ‘…controls the mind and the senses, purifying the heart and fixes the mind (on God)’ (Bhagavad Gita 6:12) which allows adherents to attain a sense of inner peace which can be translated into spreading peace throughout the community. Mohandas Gandhi further explains this as “Ahimsa… comes from strength, and the strength is from God, not man. Ahimsa is always from within.” This guidance has been followed by the ‘Dr Yogi CM’ organisation which supports ‘Yoga /Meditation and Satsang programs.’ Dr Yogi ‘developed a program giving spiritual guidance and values… to the community’ with the aim of ‘love, peace and service to humankind.’ Thus it clear how teachings of Hinduism in the Bhagavad Gita induce adherents to put their faith into action and practice their religious duty of Dharma throughout the pursuit for world peace.
Organisations and initiatives within Hinduism play a significant role in reiterating the teachings in the Bhagavad Gita in an attempt to confront hostility and promote solidarity. In Hinduism, peace is not only important within oneself, but it is highly important to act peacefully toward others. A key Hindu belief is that of Karma whereby adherents constantly strive towards a permanent state of peace known as Moksha. The Bhagavad Gita states, ‘the way of peace is achieved through discipline’ which ties into the teaching of Ahimsa and correct Dharma. As actions towards others can determine the outcome of future rebirths, adherents must observe these core teachings to ensure they can achieve complete peace. The Hindu Council of Australia aims to guide adherents by this notion with a mission of ‘spiritual and religious leaders committed to mutual respect, peace, nonviolence and cooperation between…ethnic, racial, cultural and religious communities.’ Gandhi additionally brought the ancient concept of ahimsa back into his society as he reiterated that ‘Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.’ Hence, Gandhi campaigned against untouchability, and through his confrontations with the hostility of hypocritical Hindus, challenged adherents to behave in a manner that was congruent with Hindu belief. This guidance is continually applicable today evident on the International Day of Non-violence on the 2nd of October (Gandhi’s birthday) whereby adherents put into action the teachings of Gandhi as they endeavour in promoting solidarity by acting in ahimsa. Thus it is clear how the teachings throughout the Bhagavad Gita have been reiterated by influential scholars and organisations which allow adherents to express their beliefs such as ahimsa throughout communities; therefore, contributing to world peace.
The principal teachings about peace in both the sacred texts of Christianity and Hinduism have a profound effect on the ways and extent to which these traditions guide adherents to contribute to world peace. The teachings of these religious traditions have distinct ideas and ways in which to promote solidarity and tolerance; however, both religious traditions attempt to pursue the immense potential that harmony within religious traditions can achieve through their respective initiatives and organisations, and the continuing effects of key scholars in fostering genuine world peace.
Just in case you can't get it done today which I would completely understand; don't worry about marking it because it is due tomorrow and I don't want you to spend your valuable time marking something for no reason. Not trying to be pushy; just would hate for you to spend 30-40 minutes on marking for no avail.
Mod; added spoiler and merged posts
camillablome:
Hi Guys!
I know its not an essay but this is a short answer response to the question 'outline the role of the ecumenical dialogue in Australia. Include National Council of Churches and/or NSW ecumenical council'. Any feedback would be great- I'm worried i haven't focused enough on the impact...
Thankyou so much!
Ecumenism is the movement towards unity amongst the Christian denominations. It has had a significant impact on the development of Christianity and its role within the broader Australian society. The Second Vatican Council decree on ecumenism states, “The restoration of unity among all Christians is one of the principle concern of the Second Vatican Council.” Under the guidance of Pope John XXIII there was a principle focus on dialogue and mutual understanding between the different Christian denominations, in the hope to move away from secularism. Ecumenism exists on various levels from joint commissions to local parish levels. The emergence of the National Council of Churches in Australia (NCCA) and the NSW Ecumenical Council were significant steps towards the acknowledgement that the unity of Christ between Christian churches far outweighs their diversity in practice and beliefs. The NCCA is an ecumenical body established in 1994 and is comprised of 19 church members across Australia including the Roman Catholic Church and the Anglican Church. It aims to deepen the relationship of member churches "in order to express more visibly the unity willed by Christ” by working together in areas of social justice, education and theological, spiritual and political lobbying. An example of the NCCA guiding the churches to work together is the NCCA’s “Christian World Services” which is responsible for international programs such as “Make Poverty History” and the “National Program on Refugees and Displaced people.” The NSW Ecumenical Council was established in 1982 and is a fellowship of 16 churches that identifies that working together enables member churches to express common concerns on important issues in our society. The unification of the Christian church denominations to collectively advocate and support social justice initiatives has impacted significantly on the Christian landscape as well as the broader community.
elysepopplewell:
--- Quote from: 12070 on June 11, 2017, 07:37:55 pm ---Hey so I finally finished my essay and I'm a fair bit over the world limit. I was wondering if you could tell me if anything is irrelevant or repetitive. Also, I really want 20/20 so please be harsh because our cohort is really strong. Also the scaffold asks for variants which I'm unsure as to how to incorporate them. Is putting the Catholic example enough? Thanks in advance :)
--- End quote ---
Hey! Thanks for letting me know about the due date for this, I've marked it now for you :) You haven't attached the essay question so I'm assuming it's about Christianity and Hinduism and Peace - specifically the way inner and world peace work together?
SpoilerThe attainment of world peace demands religious traditions to coincide in the confrontation of hostility in order to achieve a global state of solidarity. World Peace requires a unified sense of wellbeing and freedom from conflict, fear, and injustice. However, world peace can only be achieved if an individual acquires inner peace; relating to the individual’s tranquillity and their connection with God. These notions are reflected throughout the Bhagavad Gita and the New Testament of the Bible as they reiterate the importance of solidarity and foster the adherent in connecting to their beliefs leading to an inner peace which inevitably evokes the entrenchment of world peace.
Principal teachings by Jesus Christ in the New Testament are imperative to connecting the Christian adherent to an inner peace and demonstrating how their beliefs transcend into attaining world peace. Peace is at the heart of the life and ministry of Jesus Christ as he is the son of God from whom all peace derived and is said to have acted in perfect righteousness and hence is commonly referred to as the ‘Prince of Peace’ (Isaiah 9:6). Great quote - although this sentence in total is quite long and descriptive. The reference at the end makes it worth it, but I still think you could cull from this sentence. As Jesus models a life for peace, he is subsequently what adherents strive to emulate. Jesus constantly endeavoured to promote solidarity and foster greater tolerance reflected in ‘For Christ Jesus is our peace, who has made us both one, and has broken down the dividing wall of hostility.’ (Ephesians 2:14) It is thus evident that peace is a gift from God which guides adherents to obtain inner peace through God before dispersing peace to the broader community. Great analysis. This is demonstrated by the director of ‘TEAR Australia’ stating ‘I find my motivation for peacebuilding in the teachings of Jesus’ reflecting that solidarity and world peace primarily require an individual’s inner peace. The notion of peace is further emphasised in the Catholic Church at the ending of Mass when the Priest calls the community to go out in peace illustrating that peace is continuously being put into action today. Very nice! Good use of practical example, but also good engagement with denominations. Thus it is evident in the New Testament that Jesus’ teachings on love, compassion, and acceptance guide adherents to a sense of inner peace which acts as a catalyst for solidarity as the prosperity of peace is enabled to flourish throughout the world. You mention the "principal teachings" of peace in Christianity at the start of this paragraph, but you haven't explicitly talked about them. Instead, you've talked about the way Christianity promotes peace as Jesus is a role model, which is great, we need that. Jesus' ministry is really important when discussing Christianity and Peace. But, I think there are other "principal teachings" - like that about social justice, that you could include.
Christian adherents are presented with numerous opportunities to get involved in a vast array of peacemaking initiatives in order to actively express their principal beliefs and values evident in the New Testament. A significant focus for many ecumenical groups is on global peace and to achieve this, they focus on values expressed in the New Testament such as justice, gratitude, forgiveness and humility. Jesus’ Golden Rule; ‘Do unto others as you would have them do to you’ (Luke 6:31) reflects this notion as adherents are encouraged to act purely and in justice reflecting that of Jesus. Initiatives such as the Catholic Charismatic Renewal (CCR) emphasises ecumenism as it aims to ‘bring God’s love and grace to all.’ This is reflected by Pope Francis speaking at the Circus Maximus stating “It (CCR) was born ecumenical because it is the Holy Spirit that creates unity and the same Holy Spirit that gave the inspiration for it to be thus.” Pope Francis also encouraged individuals to appreciate the common humanity we share in the “One Minute for Peace” initiative held on the 8th of June 2017 stating “In our days, there is a great need to pray – Christians, Jews, and Muslims – for peace.” Past popes have similarly advocated for world peace such as Pope John XXIII in his Pacem in Terris (Peace in the World) encyclical. This has led to the world day of peace on the 1st of January where the Pope publishes a message to Christian adherents and political and religious leaders about opportunities for individuals to promote solidarity and bring about peace. Thus it is clear how organisations and initiatives primarily express the importance of solidarity in fostering individuals and communities towards world peace. This is an extremely dense paragraph, which is great because it's backed up, there's not a lot of waffling, etc. Unfortunately without knowing your essay question I can't comment on how skilfully you're dealing with the question. I will also add as an observation that this is the second paragraph where you've engaged with Catholicism, and not any other denomination. Depending on what your criteria expects of you, this could be a problem. It's not so much that you're focusing on Catholicism as the problem, it's more the lack of engagement with other essays. You say you have a strong cohort, and I imagine the strongest responses would be showing a confidence in dealing with at least two denominations and their individual takes on it - so that's a space for improvement for you! :)
(I'll just add here that I haven't studied Hinduism, but hopefully I can be helpful still!)
The basis of Hindu interpretation and teachings of peace lie in the Hindu sacred text The Bhagavad Gita. Individuals are instructed to live peaceful, tolerant lives that reflect the teachings of Hindu avatars and gods such as Lord Krishna. A key belief in the Hindu application of peace is dharma which is firmly entrenched in ahimsa including the qualities of compassion, acceptance and tolerance. Adherents that actively apply this concept to their everyday life not only foster a sense of inner peace but also attiain a genuine sense of harmony and peace within their community. Participating in activities such as yoga and meditation ‘…controls the mind and the senses, purifying the heart and fixes the mind (on God)’ (Bhagavad Gita 6:12) which allows adherents to attain a sense of inner peace which can be translated into spreading peace throughout the community. Mohandas Gandhi further explains this as “Ahimsa… comes from strength, and the strength is from God, not man. Ahimsa is always from within.” This guidance has been followed by the ‘Dr Yogi CM’ organisation which supports ‘Yoga /Meditation and Satsang programs.’ Dr Yogi ‘developed a program giving spiritual guidance and values… to the community’ with the aim of ‘love, peace and service to humankind.’ Good proof of the way the teachings of peace have been expressed. Thus it clear how teachings of Hinduism in the Bhagavad Gita induce adherents to put their faith into action and practice their religious duty of Dharma throughout the pursuit for world peace.
Organisations and initiatives within Hinduism play a significant role in reiterating the teachings in the Bhagavad Gita in an attempt to confront hostility and promote solidarity. This is one of the few times you've engaged with the idea "hostility" as brought up in your introduction, in an explicit way. Without knowing your essay question I can't assess how important this is - but in the assumption that it is your thesis, it should feature a little more strongly just to thread that uniform notion through the entire work. In Hinduism, peace is not only important within oneself, but it is highly important to act peacefully toward others. A key Hindu belief is that of Karma whereby adherents constantly strive towards a permanent state of peace known as Moksha. The Bhagavad Gita states, ‘the way of peace is achieved through discipline’ which ties into the teaching of Ahimsa and correct Dharma. As actions towards others can determine the outcome of future rebirths, adherents must observe these core teachings to ensure they can achieve complete peace. The Hindu Council of Australia aims to guide adherents by this notion with a mission of ‘spiritual and religious leaders committed to mutual respect, peace, nonviolence and cooperation between…ethnic, racial, cultural and religious communities.’ Good quote! Gandhi additionally brought the ancient concept of ahimsa back into his society as he reiterated that ‘Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.’ Hence, Gandhi campaigned against untouchability, and through his confrontations with the hostility of hypocritical Hindus, challenged adherents to behave in a manner that was congruent with Hindu belief. This guidance is continually applicable today evident on the International Day of Non-violence on the 2nd of October (Gandhi’s birthday) whereby adherents put into action the teachings of Gandhi as they endeavour in promoting solidarity by acting in ahimsa. Thus it is clear how the teachings throughout the Bhagavad Gita have been reiterated by influential scholars and organisations which allow adherents to express their beliefs such as ahimsa throughout communities; therefore, contributing to world peace. This paragraph is an excellent example of the way you manage to engage with a structure that is both organised and fluid.
You really round off your paragraphs well - you write beautifully.
The principal teachings about peace in both the sacred texts of Christianity and Hinduism have a profound effect on the ways and extent to which these traditions guide adherents to contribute to world peace. The teachings of these religious traditions have distinct ideas and ways in which to promote solidarity and tolerance; however, both religious traditions attempt to pursue the immense potential that harmony within religious traditions can achieve through their respective initiatives and organisations, and the continuing effects of key scholars in fostering genuine world peace.Overall: great essay. Very dense - it's really hard for me to tell you what to cull. It's like everything fits together perfectly, you're a wonderful writer. Everything is well supported. I do wonder about the way you're engaging with a thesis/the essay question, but I can't comment on that. Also, the clarity of the way you express exactly what the principal teachings on ethics are can be improved. It won't take up a whole lot of words - it's just about saying..."Adherents look to the ministry of Jesus when seeking principal teachings of peace...the Pope says...."
All the best - hopefully this gives you a hand to tighten up the essay a little, although I can ensure you I'm impressed by it!
elysepopplewell:
--- Quote from: camillablome on June 12, 2017, 03:32:13 pm ---Hi Guys!
I know its not an essay but this is a short answer response to the question 'outline the role of the ecumenical dialogue in Australia. Include National Council of Churches and/or NSW ecumenical council'. Any feedback would be great- I'm worried i haven't focused enough on the impact...
Thankyou so much!
--- End quote ---
Hey Camilla - thanks for posting! I'll absolutely take a look at this paragraph for you :)
Ecumenism is the movement towards unity amongst the Christian denominations. It The ecumenical movement* has had a significant impact on the development of Christianity and its role within the broader Australian society. The Second Vatican Council decree on ecumenism states, “The restoration of unity among all Christians is one of the principle concern of the Second Vatican Council.” Under the guidance of Pope John XXIII there was a principle focus on dialogue and mutual understanding between the different Christian denominations, in the hope to move away from secularism. Ecumenism exists on various levels from joint commissions to local parish levels. The emergence of the National Council of Churches in Australia (NCCA) and the NSW Ecumenical Council were significant steps towards the acknowledgement that the unity of Christ between Christian churches far outweighs their diversity in practice and beliefs. The NCCA is an ecumenical body established in 1994 and is comprised of 19 church members across Australia including the Roman Catholic Church and the Anglican Church. It aims to deepen the relationship of member churches "in order to express more visibly the unity willed by Christ” by working together in areas of social justice, education and theological, spiritual and political lobbying. An example of the NCCA guiding the churches to work together is the NCCA’s “Christian World Services” which is responsible for international programs such as “Make Poverty History” and the “National Program on Refugees and Displaced people.” The NSW Ecumenical Council was established in 1982 and is a fellowship of 16 churches that identifies that working together enables member churches to express common concerns on important issues in our society. The unification of the Christian church denominations to collectively advocate and support social justice initiatives has impacted significantly on the Christian landscape as well as the broader community.
I think you're right in identifying the way you've dealt with "the role" can use a little bit of work. You've got everything you need to know in place, it's just about the expression and being succinct with exactly what information you need to share. For example, you talk about the international programs which is great evidence, but you've not made comment on the significance of these programs, thus mitigating the argument a little. You are only asked to outline,
so there's leeway. But at the present time, your examples of the programs don't show much - they just say they exist. Are you saying, "this is the great work that comes about with ecumenism?" or are you saying, "These are ecumenical programs?" There are a few things you could cull, like the bio of the NCCA - that can be briefer.
This is what I would include in my paragraph:
-The need for ecumenism in this time
-The responsibility of the Churches to work together, as has been officially organised by NCCA.
-The way the Australian landscape specifically needs ecumenism.
As a bonus: potentially talk about the examples of great international programs they've created.
Hopefully this gives you a hand! It's just about tightening up your response a little more. Everything you need to know is there, it's just about expression :)
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