Hi headsup, some tips for you -
You're using short sentences, very staccato. was this intentional?
Your use of hyphens could also be varied a little. In a lot of places, a comma or semi-colon would do just fine - it could even help with the rhythm of your piece, to make it smoother in some areas. For example:
Instead of "
Not that I can see them – I've never been able to see them. I hear them – I listen. Intently. For me – shoes are the real voices of people." it could be "
Not that I can see them – I've never been able to see them. I hear them. I listen. Intently. For me, shoes are the real voices of people."
*an hour later*
Anyway, I've created a Word document and placed comments and highlighted things I've seen in your work - I hope it helps
