Being a perfectionist

[clarke54321]

For those of you who have been or still are a perfectionist how do you get over it or cope with it.

Thank- you 

[Aaron]

Embrace it, and use it as a positive. Understand that it isn't bad to always seek to be better. I've had a similar experience: most recently on my teaching placement where I was dissatisfied with every lesson I taught, even though they were apparently 'good' according to the supervisor.

Probably not the same thing as you're encountering, but my message is the same: Don't think of it negatively. It's all in your mind

[Joseph41]

Holy shit, this has been, and continues to be, one of my biggest issues in life. So I feel you.

Honestly, I don't think there's a quick fix, and it'll be something that sort of sticks around. As Aaron has suggested, it can be a positive. I think being a perfectionist has absolutely helped me to achieve better marks than I usually would have, for example.

But on the other side of the coin, it can also be debilitating, stressful, and tiring. And I assume that's what you're looking for advice on at the moment.

I think my general advice would be to try to work out why it is you're thinking the way you are. It may be due to something from your past that you can address. Maybe it's just the way you are, which is okay. But if it's something that you can work on and address gradually, that's going to be super beneficial for you in years to come.

In terms of more immediate things, it's probably good just to take a step back sometimes. Try to see the bigger picture. I know that that's going to be ridiculously hard sometimes, and don't worry - you're not alone in that respect. I mean, I beat myself up even for objectively quite good marks, and I know other people who do the same.

Have you tried mindfulness? Have you tried speaking with your teachers about it?

[clarke54321]

Holy shit, this has been, and continues to be, one of my biggest issues in life. So I feel you.

Honestly, I don't think there's a quick fix, and it'll be something that sort of sticks around. As Aaron has suggested, it can be a positive. I think being a perfectionist has absolutely helped me to achieve better marks than I usually would have, for example.

But on the other side of the coin, it can also be debilitating, stressful, and tiring. And I assume that's what you're looking for advice on at the moment.

I think my general advice would be to try to work out why it is you're thinking the way you are. It may be due to something from your past that you can address. Maybe it's just the way you are, which is okay. But if it's something that you can work on and address gradually, that's going to be super beneficial for you in years to come.

In terms of more immediate things, it's probably good just to take a step back sometimes. Try to see the bigger picture. I know that that's going to be ridiculously hard sometimes, and don't worry - you're not alone in that respect. I mean, I beat myself up even for objectively quite good marks, and I know other people who do the same.

Have you tried mindfulness? Have you tried speaking with your teachers about it?

Thanks for the advice Joseph and Aaron.

Yes, it does become very stressful and tiring which is why I am trying to work on it with methods such as mindfulness and meditation.

I've only really told one of my teachers who I am closer to, my other teachers aren't really approachable in that respect. Hopefully I can get a better hold on it sooner rather than later. 

[Maz]

i have been summoned...haha
this has been my problem since i was born
there are good ways or expressing perfectionism...and there are bad ways (i have done both haha)
i know it's a extremely rigid lifestyle, where everything has to perform in your life (at least thats how it was for
to the extent that i had anorexia for three years to exemplify the 'being perfect at everything aspect (even self control!) .

One thing i will agree with what the human on top of me said, is that there are good ways to channel it. One example would be to use it to get better grades. The pitfall of this arrives when you get a bad grade, or there is a lot of pressure. I don't really know about your kind of perfectionism, but when i do badly (in my eyes i pretty much failed at life). if this is what happens to you: YOU DIDN'T. 

In terms of copping, breathing is one method (i know, i'm telling a human who already breathe's, to breathe haha) but just deep breathing, and relax! (or try to)
also talk too friends/other humans. they really help! like a few days ago i had an exam, and i was so scared about it (about not living upto my perfectionistic 100% on every test, completely unrealistic standard tbh). so i put it up on AN (the class of 2016 one). this really helps, because then you have humans to talk to who kinda understand what you are going through, and it really makes you feel better!
other things that i also do is shower when u get stressed (hot water is a miracle  ) and exercising works too. General idea is maybe do something else for like 15-30 mins if you get too stressed about things.

Advantages of perfectionism are many- as long as you channel correctly 

Good Luck and I hope this helps 
Maryam