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English Extension One Creative Writing Thread!

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ssarahj:

--- Quote from: kb123 on October 08, 2016, 12:05:15 pm ---Hi!
I was just wondering if I should keep Extension 1 English right until up to the HSC next year. It is my 11th unit and my other subjects are Physics, Chemistry, Ext 2 Maths and English Advanced. I am considering dropping it after trials since I don't really like writing essays or creative writing... Like I ranked 2nd this year in Ext English (4th in Advanced), but in Phys and Maths Ext 1 I ranked 1st (and I would've have topped Chem if I hadn't f***** up one test damn it aha)...
What do you think?
Is it worth putting in another heap of effort (I had spent nearly the same amount of time for Ext English as I had for Adv, and it's worth half the units...) just for 1 safety unit that might not even count? Or should I keep it so half of my advanced mark is replaced by a hopefully higher extension mark?

--- End quote ---

In my opinion, if you don't love it, drop it.
Extension English is a big commitment, it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, since its completely different from Advanced. And since you don't like writing essays and creative writing it doesn't make sense to put yourself through an extra 2 pieces of writing in the HSC.

At the end of the day you've done FANTASTIC in everything else in Prelim, (and you're doing Extension 2 Maths) so if you keep that up marks and scaling aren't going to be an issue for you at all. Some people like having a 'safety unit' but in the end it can be a waste of time.

Minimise your work load, enjoy what you're studying and you'll maximise your results  ;D

kb123:

--- Quote from: ssarahj on October 08, 2016, 12:16:12 pm ---In my opinion, if you don't love it, drop it.
Extension English is a big commitment, it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort, since its completely different from Advanced. And since you don't like writing essays and creative writing it doesn't make sense to put yourself through an extra 2 pieces of writing in the HSC.

At the end of the day you've done FANTASTIC in everything else in Prelim, (and you're doing Extension 2 Maths) so if you keep that up marks and scaling aren't going to be an issue for you at all. Some people like having a 'safety unit' but in the end it can be a waste of time.

Minimise your work load, enjoy what you're studying and you'll maximise your results  ;D

--- End quote ---

Awesome, thanks for the advice :)

elysepopplewell:

--- Quote from: ml125 on October 05, 2016, 11:07:14 pm ---Here is my creative piece for After the Bomb! This got me a 25/25 in trials, however I'd like to see what areas I could possibly improve on to make sure I can maintain this mark. My objective with this piece was to mirror the 'House Un-American Activities Committee' (HUAC) within the domestic sphere. Is this made obvious enough, or do I need to include further detail? Thanks :)


--- End quote ---

I'm so keen to read this! I love domestic sphere stories, they genuinely make me excited! I only knew a little bit about HUAC in my studies of Ext 1, so that should be enough to have it run through here :)

Spoilert was the last of the meetings. It had gotten down to one’s words against another’s. Some really ugly business, left a putrid taste in my mouth. Annie had told me what to say. I just had to follow whatever the hell she told me to do and be done with it. I wasn’t in the position to do anything else, really. My track record left me right at the edge of safety. There was a fine line between refuting and reprimanding I’d been accused much too often of crossing; any further and I’d be right in that chair. I’d be in the centre of the room, my existence undermined by the lifeless stares and soulless glares from all directions. Nice rhyme! Works really well. Insults hurled at me in such a barrage, too fast for me to understand. Yet, I would know it to be unkind in its nature. Lucky, I’m on the other end of all this. If not, I’d likely perish. My social life, gone. My ‘friends,’ gone. All my life, all I could do was the laundry and the dishes as I dreamt of something greater. Waiting and waiting… for nothing to ever come. There was nothing I would do about it. I, myself, knew for a fact that every Wednesday I’d be sitting right in this very room, spending the day chatting away. I’d never escape. They wouldn’t be so kind as to let me go so soon. Oh, no. Until my skin sags and my curls come undone, this will be my place. I love that curls being undone is on similar level to skin sagging - lol! love it!

   McCarthy: Now, Is that testimony true?
   Moss: No sir, it is not. Not at any time have I been a member of a Communist Party, and I
   have never seen a Communist card.

Usually, all we’d talked about were trivial matters; our husbands, our husbands’ jobs, our husbands’ money, Great use of identifying that the money belongs to the husband. and what we could get with that money. The television would always be booming in the background, talking of how to spot a Pinko and the right hair products. Same, old. Same, old. Nothing ever really changed. Nothing really could. They would keep going on and on about anything and everything, constantly avoiding our reality. There was no substance in any of this. It was as if they were all afraid of something. I just didn’t know what. No one ever seemed visibly affected by the politics of our society but I knew – somehow it had taken control of our thoughts and actions. At the slightest change in our daily lives – the equilibrium of our little world had distorted our perceptions in such a manner to conform to a lingering fear. They knew nothing.

   McCarthy: You have never seen a Communist card?
   Moss: No sir, I haven’t…

It was a habit of Annie’s to pick on new members of our community, the women at least. I never really minded it, helped me pass the time. Distract me from my misery. A relief from the usual drama. Her newest target was a woman that moved in down the block. Fairly regular, I must say. She never really talked much, always kept to herself. Annie watched her every move, I heard all kinds of things about her. What she was wearing, where she was going, who she was talking to. There was never anything wrong. Yet, it was likely because she wouldn’t consider our company – that’s what drove Annie mad. Every second day she’d go out for lunch with her friends from out of town, perhaps dinner. Anne said she’d been talking about us, conspiring, or something along the lines of it. I thought it was ridiculous. There was nothing I could really do, though. I was the highest of her little lackeys. I just need to keep this act up before my time is up. I just waited for it all to unfold.

   McCarthy: Have you ever attended any Communist meetings?
   Moss: No sir, I’ve never attended any Communist meetings.

Annie somehow took it upon herself to invite the woman over to one of the usual meetings. She accepted. God knows why. She’d turned up in her nicest clothes, yet a bit unruly. Her petticoat stuck out, the fabric a bit tacky – the floral pattern in particular. Her hair simply rested on her shoulders. No curls. Nothing. I could hear the snide remarks, the scoffs of disbelief and the questionable “Who in the world is that?” comments, seeing as she’d been the subject of our discussions over the past few weeks. She simply sat by herself, before being approached by her neighbours on either side. I could see the emptiness in her eyes as she became consumed in conversation, concealed by a false enthusiasm in her expressions. It was loneliness. I would know. She put on a good act, I must say. I applaud her for that. I was probably the only person who could do any better around here. Perhaps Annie.

   McCarthy: Have you ever subscribed to the Daily Worker?
   Moss: No sir, I didn’t should this say, "haven't?" or is it intentionally "didn't" because he's about to say "I didn't, until..."subscribe to the Daily Worker, and I wouldn’t pay for it.

She kept coming. I had no idea why. If I were given the chance I’d be out of here. This room is toxic. These conversations are toxic. Yet, this was the only way I could survive suburbia. It was my elixir – to numb the pain of it all. Annie would sit next to me, at the far end of the room, eyeing her down. She’d be criticising the way she dressed and the way she acted. It took a while to get Annie to stop talking about this woman. Most of the time, I’d felt absolutely horrid sitting there. I’d distract her with tea and talk of washing machines. For the most part, it worked. To some extent, at least. I think after a few tries she’d come to realise it. She’d try to lead the conversation back to my dress, my hair and how I was starting to look more and more like that lady. I was simply starting to stop caring. I’d realised it long before, but I never really felt this fear all the other women did. I was indifferent. I feel like it was the same for that new woman. I wouldn’t know, to be sure. Her husband would always drop by to pick her up and walk her home before I got the chance to make conversation, if I was ever given permission to do so. Would anything be different if I had? In the end, there was nothing I could really do but wait until Annie made her move. Then I’d follow her plan, whatever it was. She was about to make her move. I could see it. She’d been spreading all kinds of rumours by now – all sorts. She’d really gone all out this time around. It’s great. I’d be able to save this girl soon enough. I needed to do it. It wouldn’t feel right any other way. I needed her to escape. It wouldn’t be long, now. I could taste the end of it all.

   McCarthy: Now, Mrs. Markward, who was working for the FBI who the use of "who" twice is a bit awkward, try rephrasing this. joined the Communist
   Party under orders from the FBI has testified that while she never met you personally at a
   Communist meeting that your name was on the list of Communists who were paying dues.
   Can you shed any light upon that?
   Moss: No, sir. I don’t even know what the dues are or where they were paid.

It finally came to today. There she was, sat upon that chair. The true enemy is within; I can see that now. Fabulous! Annie told me what to say. She told me what to do. I couldn’t stop her – yet at this point did I really want to? Annie was so easy to fool. I made her get the job done. There was nothing to do – nothing I was willing to do to change any of this. She deviated from the script a bit. It was all fine. I’ve acted enough anyway.A little bit of improvisation would be nothing. It wouldn’t affect the quality of our little performance. The other women caught on. They knew. They accepted it. They went along with it. It was all routine by now. This would happen too often to count. I can’t ever remember what I said. It was a shame, though. This woman didn’t last long. She broke down, tears streaming down her face. For once I could see the life in her eyes. Then, I knew. She was different.
   Oh, I’m sorry. I mistook you for the other women that come and go. My sincere apologies.
For some reason, I’d really hoped for her and I to be similar. I think I just wanted to... You know, be more ‘human.’ She was a genuine one, that lady. There wasn’t much else I could do to help. This was enough. She was out, she would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough. This was how it was meant to be. All the while, I’ll be stuck here, this room tainted with the staunch smell of perfume, hairspray, the rumours and the lies. Every week I’d be here, talking of my husband, his business. Only to be asked and to ask the same the week next. Really, it was alright… I couldn’t have any better. No, I didn’t deserve better. I have no chance at any better. That was probably it. I’m a rotten case anyway.
The writing of this piece is beautiful, everything flowed wonderfully and I truly enjoyed it all! The incorporation of HUAC in a domestic sphere was really fresh and I enjoyed it, I definitely think markers will too.

Now I'll give my opinion as a reader. I really thought the protagonist was a communist. I think the ending was a tiny bit of a let down and not because it didn't reveal her communism, but because it suddenly just got real! Throughout we had been suppressing humanism, reality, a vocation, and instead it was all caught up in superficial nonsense that passed the time, gave some women a purpose for the state, etc. Earlier on, you mentioned how the state had become such a tight knit little community that even without paying attention to politics, it was certain that something was rocking underneath the surface. That's great - an excellent touch to the ways of thinking! I'd be inclined to bring that into the ending. Because, I'm also confused about the chair. I thought it was an electric chair for suspected communists, but then she said, "She was out, she would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough." and it made me think - wait, is the chair just a questioning chair? I assumed that these women reported the victimised women to the authorities and they were questioned, and then killed in an electric chair, and the women's club all gathered around to watch their dutiful death. But just that little sentence implies that the woman lives on and finds happiness elsewhere, which makes me think that perhaps she didn't die in the chair.
Ok I just gave you a lot of convoluted thoughts and I hope it doesn't frighten you because I promise all of these things are easy to fix, it's just about identifying them and making clear links in the writing. The actual plot is wonderful, the idea of a domestic version of HUAC is GREAT! It's just the ending that I want to iron out to make it super wholesome.

So to summarise:
-Not sure about the purpose of the chair, I thought it was to kill suspected communists.
-I think a little more about the way that these stupid, petty pastimes of reporting suspected communists and making rumours about them - a little more about the way that this is a response to an unsafe world. They were trapped in suburbia, they needed to make the best of it, and reporting communists was doing their little part for the greater good. That'll touch on the way of thinking a bit more - tying together suburbia, communism, patriotism and the Cold War tensions circling about.
-The character's intentions and existence needs to be identified really clearly in the conclusion. Is she just musing over the hilariously vacuous existence? Is she deep down planning a coup and waiting for the moment she can depose Annie? Is she literally just a 2D woman, who loves gossip and just plays her cards right? Is she actually a communist? All of these motives are completely acceptable - I think the ending just needs to clarify further exactly who she is and why she is there. That'll be the "ahh" moment. Perhaps a bit of tongue-in-cheek would be great for the ending?

I know I've just given you so many convoluted ideas, so I am totally open to you posting back and ironing out anything I've said that doesn't make sense. You should be immensely proud of this, it is definitely worth the top mark - I'm just trying to iron out any doubts a marker could have so that you can maintain that level! :)

ml125:

--- Quote from: elysepopplewell on October 09, 2016, 10:40:50 am ---I know I've just given you so many convoluted ideas, so I am totally open to you posting back and ironing out anything I've said that doesn't make sense. You should be immensely proud of this, it is definitely worth the top mark - I'm just trying to iron out any doubts a marker could have so that you can maintain that level! :)

--- End quote ---
Thank you so much!! Everything you've said has made complete sense – I honestly wasn't so definite about my creative since I wasn't sure about whether or not I'd be able to portray it correctly. I'll definitely go over it to refine everything you've said :D

Also, my initial intention with the chair was for it to be for questioning - however reading over it now I realise how the idea of liberation doesn't fit in with that idea either. I'd considered it to be an electric chair but I wasn't sure how I would portray it that way. For this portrayal, where I have "She was out, she would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough." would I be able to replace it with something along the lines of this?

"She would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough," is what I told myself in an attempt to paint my actions as righteous. I knew it wasn't true. She was gone - for good.

elysepopplewell:

--- Quote from: ml125 on October 09, 2016, 12:32:26 pm ---Thank you so much!! Everything you've said has made complete sense – I honestly wasn't so definite about my creative since I wasn't sure about whether or not I'd be able to portray it correctly. I'll definitely go over it to refine everything you've said :D

Also, my initial intention with the chair was for it to be for questioning - however reading over it now I realise how the idea of liberation doesn't fit in with that idea either. I'd considered it to be an electric chair but I wasn't sure how I would portray it that way. For this portrayal, where I have "She was out, she would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough." would I be able to replace it with something along the lines of this?

"She would find her happiness elsewhere, soon enough," is what I told myself in an attempt to paint my actions as righteous. I knew it wasn't true. She was gone - for good.

--- End quote ---

That sounds like a perfect replacement for the other sentence! Really really good. To me, the chair was an electric chair all along! It seemed very American. I'm glad it makes sense - and I definitely think that the sentence there you've suggested also ties in really well with the protagonist's own way of thinking, the consoling of herself even though she knew it was wrong deep down!

Great work! :)

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