VCE Stuff > AN’s Language Analysis Club

[2016 LA Club] Week 20

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literally lauren:

--- Quote from: crystallisation on September 27, 2016, 01:10:47 pm ---Danielle Miller begins her article by contrasting ‘school…best days of our lives’ if you're modifying a quote with an ellipsis, you want it to still make sense in the context of your sentence to now a ‘relentless competition’. In a sympathetic tone Miller emphasises Year 12 is no longer a happy period in a teenager’s life as she once experienced, but a period where ‘only the strongest can survive’. Miller uses the words ‘competition’ and the idea of school as ‘The Hunger Games’ to accentuate the pressure placed on students. This perspective of school persuades readers to be aware of the competitive environment students are placed in and therefore enforce feelings bit strong; consider words like evoke/elicit/engender instead of sympathy towards them. Miller further informs the readers that as she ‘worked in education all [her] career’ and her daughter is also going through HSC she is exposed to the experiences students go through, therefore, she is able to give a closer insight of the stress and emotions students have towards school. With her close connections to high school this encourages readers to acknowledge Miller’s opinion and validates her anecdotes. The emotive depictions of students ‘[locking] themselves’ in toilets to cry and giving up ‘hobbies they loved’ displays the struggles students go through in their lives, Miller uses these anecdotes to support her view that school is causing students to make sacrifices at a young age to ‘spend on studying’ yes, but what's the effect of this language. Through her choice of emotive words and student anecdotes this encourages readers to realise school has become a place where students are subjected to an environment labelled as a competition and hence, Miller believes no need to comment on what the author believes; just discuss what they're compelling readers to think/feel this approach should be stopped.

In Miller’s opinion piece, Bryan and Steve respond to her this expression is a bit odd; they don't respond to her in her piece in a judgemental and factual manner viewing her perspective of school being narrow minded. Miller views the stress students experience to be a concern this is also a little clunky, try to use different verbs to describe what the author is doing that should be addressed, however, Bryan sarcastically comments ‘kids are stressed because after years of no competition’. Bryan considers again, don't tell us what the author is thinking or believes, just focus on how their language is being used to persuade the stress that students are now feeling is a normal part of life and should therefore ‘help you cope’ in the future. He continuously refers to his audience as ‘you’ to place readers in a position to feel a sense of responsibility towards their approach towards students wellbeing. Steve presents a similar view targeting teachers and parents to stop ‘babying them,’ and asserting how students handle the stress is linked to ‘their upbringing’ why are you quoting this? Try to only quote language that's persuasive & that you can analyse. The duty parents have to their child’s education Steve emphasises and bluntly states if students are incapable of handling the challenges of school ‘their parents failed them’ sentence structure. Readers are compelled to remember that school helps teach students and is not a place that purposely forces negative experiences onto students as Miller states.
Overall process is pretty good, but specificity is key, so make sure you're 'showing your workings' and explaining things adequately. Also - avoid quoting to summarise!

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--- Quote from: Anonymous on October 09, 2016, 09:10:21 pm ---Miller’s reflection that “traditionally” school days used to be considered the “best days of our lives”, provides a stark contrast to the present Year 12 which only the “strongest can survive” try to use a verb to clarify that this is an idea the author is conveying (e.g. a stark contrast to how the author portrays the present Year 12 experience where only the "strongest can survive."). This juxtaposition reminisces the past word check; 'reminisces' doesn't really fit in this context and reinforces its favourability amongst readers and why would the author want to do this? How does it help her argument?. By comparison, Miller’s acknowledgement of the “relentless” competition that pervades Year 12 suggests its injustice and barbarism, and readers are compelled to view the education system’s progress with contempt v good! :). In addition, Miller’s claim: “I’ve worked in education all my career and my daughter in doing her HSC this year”, demonstrates her expertise within the field of education, thereby increasing her credibility amongst her readership. Consequently, readers are encouraged to agree with Miller’s view and avoid sweeping/generic statements like this are compelled to consider a reformation of the educational system in comparison to the current which has become almost brutal in nature. In contrast, Steve stresses that the stress need some synonyms for 'stresses' e.g. emphasises, highlights, underscores, draws attention to, foregrounds, etc. which students experience is “no different to what students felt 30 years ago”. This serves to reinforce the notion that the education system has proved stagnant and instead highlights that we should focus our energies into developing “coping skills”, rather than condemning the educational system I'm not sure you've earned this conclusion yet; spending an extra sentence explaining this author's point/language might be necessary..

Sympathetic to the plight of students, Miller recalls that teenagers often confide in her they think of “dropping out – not only of school, but of life”. This anecdote once again reinforces her credibility try to group similar techniques together so that you don't have to repeat yourself; also, you could extend this to talking about the effect the education system has on students, rather than just talking about how it sets up the author's credibility. You kind of do this afterwards, and I think that's a much stronger point here and expertise within the field of education and the impact the current system has on its students. The tragic image of a student “lock[ing] themselves in the school toilets [to] cry” creates a sense of pathos within the audience and suggests 'is indicative of' the scathing demands of the educational system upon its students. Furthermore, her claim that students are forced to neglect “sports and hobbies” to ensure more time to “spend on studying” suggests that Year 12 proves too demanding of its students. It is evident that hobbies facilitate one’s emotional wellbeing how is it evident? Remember, you can't draw upon background knowledge or your own understanding; you have to talk about ideas that the author has raised and positioned, so try not to bring in any external impressions about the issue or related concepts and Miller’s suggestion that students are being deprived of their enjoyments compels readers to view the educational system with contempt and feel concern over the mental wellbeing of our students good description of the effect here :). In contrast, Bryan bitterly remarks “Wow what a surprise” over the increased stress students experience. His remark that students after some time of “no competition and awards” for participation must “suddenly achieve” lest they be “relegated to the scrap heap”, undermines the plight of students and describes 'characterises' might be a better word in this context them as too sensitive. This renders a lack of sympathy within his audience and instead compels readers to view students as timorous and sensitive you've used this word already; try to vary it up with synonyms in the face of “life” which is “all about competition”. Similarly, Steve condemns the soft approach of Miller and declares that parents need to stop “babying” their children in order to prepare them for the demands of work and higher education. Steve’s claim that if they are unprepared then their “upbringing” and their “parents have failed them”, creates a sense of fear amongst parents for their child’s preparedness for the future as well as a sense of concern for their parenting could be more specific here; how might a claim like "parents have failed them" affect readers? Why would that language have that effect?. As consequence, parents in particular are encouraged to condemn the soft approach of Miller and instead adopt a more forceful and strict nature to ensure their children’s development and readiness for the future. v good job overall; could use some more specificity in some sections, but the process of your analysis is excellent! :)
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