Parental input in career decisions

[FallingStar]

Moderator action: split this thread from the Class of 2016 megathread. Happy to see this discussion continue, but seems like it warrants a new thread in a board without respect (so people aren't 'afraid' to post 'unpopular' opinions). Have fun kids

That sounds really epic either field you decide to pursue, or even both, somehow :-)

I'm thinking of Medicine or Midwifery, but due to Asian stigma (or just my parents') towards midwifery/nursing as a 'worse' job than being a doctor, being slightly discouraged by them from pursuing midwifery at the moment.
But nevertheless, just got to really do my best and God will do the rest.

:-)

See my post earlier: Re: Class of 2016!!

Contrary to popular beliefs, no jobs are better than another. The truth is that it is not about hat job you do, but how you do it. If you do your job well, then you would be fulfilled and be successful. Do it badly, and you will not advance as much.

I have spoken to adults who were pushed into medicine, and persisted or carried on. Many of them are not very happy or fulfilled in their job. As a result of that, they just live for money or they live from pay check to pay check. On mentioned that she was a doctor, and her parents pushed her in that direction. She was never really happy with her job as she didn't have the opportunity to discover what she wants. The reason is not because doctor is a bad job, but because the adult here didn't enjoy being a doctor very much.

So, what to choose... First of all, parents tend to like to believe that they always know better than you. This is not always true, therefore, do not choose the course that your parents wanted you to choose. Instead, you need to consider what you are more suited to. A little word of warning about medicine: Few AN members were talking about med school in IRC (accessed through the chat button) and they said that medicine is actually a lot of work and is quite stressful (if you were one of them and reading this, I don't mean any offense). I do not know of anyone doing nursing so I cannot comment here. At the same time, if you love medicine and your dream is to be a doctor, then please to. Med would be enjoyable despite the work and stress.

Consider what you parents want for you. It is very fortunate in Australia that most parents just want their kids to do their best in life. As much I hate to admit, this is exactly what my parents want me to do. Contrastingly, many parents want their kids to look after them when they get older, so they push them to get into a high paid job so that they can give the parents money. A person whom I met in a church youth group knows someone exactly of this situation. In the case she explained, the person wanted to do games design and went to TAFE (as the person could not go to uni for some reason). The parents kicked this person out of the house. S/he ended up being a successful games designer who earn a lot of money, so her parents contacted this person. Guess what? the parents asked this person for him/her money, and put a lot of pressure on her to do so. Very unfortunate situation, yet there is pretty much no anecdote which we cannot learn from.

If your parent's interests are ensuring the best for you, then you should listen to them. But take their words with a grain of salt. They lived and grew up in a different timeframe and situation to the one in which you will grow up in. So please understand them if they seem a little old-minded. We live in a completely different world to them, and they may not fully understand the ever changing world we live in. If their interests is for you to look after them in old age, well hate to be a little rude to these parents.

Mods: Excuse my rant.
It is not your child's responsibility to look after you in old age! They have a life and priority of their own! If they choose to look after you, then fine. No rant is needed. But don't force them!

[Aaron]

Hence why it is super super important to choose a career path that you want to do - and not really take other factors into account such as how much x career pays, how many holidays y offers, or parents want me to do z career.

I graduated with an IT degree - which as you all may or may not know, the industry can potentially pay a ton after some time. I chose not to pursue this path and go down teaching, because I think I can make some sort of difference and I know i'll be happy to go to work every day.

Money isn't everything, happiness is. If you genuinely want to do something like med, then all the more power to you and I really do hope you become the best there is. 

Mods: Excuse my rant.

A well warranted argument (in regards to career choice). Thanks for posting.

[bananabreadbelle]

See my post earlier: Re: Class of 2016!!

Contrary to popular beliefs, no jobs are better than another. The truth is that it is not about hat job you do, but how you do it. If you do your job well, then you would be fulfilled and be successful. Do it badly, and you will not advance as much.

I have spoken to adults who were pushed into medicine, and persisted or carried on. Many of them are not very happy or fulfilled in their job. As a result of that, they just live for money or they live from pay check to pay check. On mentioned that she was a doctor, and her parents pushed her in that direction. She was never really happy with her job as she didn't have the opportunity to discover what she wants. The reason is not because doctor is a bad job, but because the adult here didn't enjoy being a doctor very much.

So, what to choose... First of all, parents tend to like to believe that they always know better than you. This is not always true, therefore, do not choose the course that your parents wanted you to choose. Instead, you need to consider what you are more suited to. A little word of warning about medicine: Few AN members were talking about med school in IRC (accessed through the chat button) and they said that medicine is actually a lot of work and is quite stressful (if you were one of them and reading this, I don't mean any offense). I do not know of anyone doing nursing so I cannot comment here. At the same time, if you love medicine and your dream is to be a doctor, then please to. Med would be enjoyable despite the work and stress.

Consider what you parents want for you. It is very fortunate in Australia that most parents just want their kids to do their best in life. As much I hate to admit, this is exactly what my parents want me to do. Contrastingly, many parents want their kids to look after them when they get older, so they push them to get into a high paid job so that they can give the parents money. A person whom I met in a church youth group knows someone exactly of this situation. In the case she explained, the person wanted to do games design and went to TAFE (as the person could not go to uni for some reason). The parents kicked this person out of the house. S/he ended up being a successful games designer who earn a lot of money, so her parents contacted this person. Guess what? the parents asked this person for him/her money, and put a lot of pressure on her to do so. Very unfortunate situation, yet there is pretty much no anecdote which we cannot learn from.

If your parent's interests are ensuring the best for you, then you should listen to them. But take their words with a grain of salt. They lived and grew up in a different timeframe and situation to the one in which you will grow up in. So please understand them if they seem a little old-minded. We live in a completely different world to them, and they may not fully understand the ever changing world we live in. If their interests is for you to look after them in old age, well hate to be a little rude to these parents.

Mods: Excuse my rant.
It is not your child's responsibility to look after you in old age! They have a life and priority of their own! If they choose to look after you, then fine. No rant is needed. But don't force them!

Hence why it is super super important to choose a career path that you want to do - and not really take other factors into account such as how much x career pays, how many holidays y offers, or parents want me to do z career.

I graduated with an IT degree - which as you all may or may not know, the industry can potentially pay a ton after some time. I chose not to pursue this path and go down teaching, because I think I can make some sort of difference and I know i'll be happy to go to work every day.

Money isn't everything, happiness is. If you genuinely want to do something like med, then all the more power to you and I really do hope you become the best there is. 
A well warranted argument. Thanks for posting.

Thank you for those thorough replies! And I think it's a good reminder/clarification in the weighty subject of choosing a course/career as preferences time is soon approaching!

I 100% agree. Hence, that is why I am not super set on medicine (very well aware that the sheer amount of work and life-commitment to the field is not suited to everybody) and even more not as a 'better' job than being a midwife, I just know at the moment that I really want to work with maternal and neonatal healthcare, in whatever form that may be! :-)
But at the same time I do feel like my parents are trying to push me to do my best in Year 12 by encouraging me to aim for medicine, which I can see how and why, and I do appreciate it.

But yeah, I essentially definitely agree against choosing a career just for 'status' or 'money' as that's just not what life is about at all.

[studybuddy7777]

The best job in the world is.. The one that you feel most happiest and content with doing. So what if this is a hairdresser or a bus driver. I know a friend who has gone into teaching because it was 'easy' but they absolutely hated it, they are now a bricklayer and are loving it! Which job is better? For him, it is bricklaying.

Everyone is different. You can do whatever you want with your life so make sure its what you want (you know, coz yolo :p). But seriously, do not let anyone especially your parents, friends or teachers influence you into 50+ years of something you have no interest in. If you come from a multi child family, dont feel like you have to be as 'successful' as your sibling who got a 98 atar and went on to do a combined bachelor of medicine/law at monash (Lol, im from NSW so just bear with me).

At the end of the day when you go to pick what you want to do, ask yourself "Is this what I want to be doing for the next 50 years?" "Will this still interest me in 20 years?"

And (final point, promise ) if you are in a degree/course that you dont particularly enjoy, then dont do it!! You are paying money to get a bachelor you will never use.
My heart is set on psychology. Only recently did i discover this, but I am positive i will still be doing this in 50 years.
(Oh, another point dont let gender define what career you can do. You know that friend i was talking about earlier? I bet you thought they were a male. They were in fact a female, and she is so happy in bricklaying. Yes, females can do male jobs to and vice versa.)

Finally rant over!! (Apologies mods and all others that dont give two hoots what im saying)

[sweetiepi]

The best job is seriously what you find interesting and enjoyable to do!
You aspire to be a baker? Totally fine!
You aspire to the next famous doctor? Go for it!
You wish to read books all day? _{Like me, 99.9% of the time} You should!

In all honesty, follow your heart and let you choose what feels right! <3 

Sorry for those uninterested that had to read another one of these posts!

[Swagadaktal]

See my post earlier: Re: Class of 2016!!



If your parent's interests are ensuring the best for you, then you should listen to them. But take their words with a grain of salt. They lived and grew up in a different timeframe and situation to the one in which you will grow up in. So please understand them if they seem a little old-minded. We live in a completely different world to them, and they may not fully understand the ever changing world we live in. If their interests is for you to look after them in old age, well hate to be a little rude to these parents.

Mods: Excuse my rant.
It is not your child's responsibility to look after you in old age! They have a life and priority of their own! If they choose to look after you, then fine. No rant is needed. But don't force them!

Lol I disagree with this a lot - some parts i agree with (i.e listen to them etc) but they didn't grow up in a different world - they grew up in the same world we do... the world doesn't change drastically when it comes to studies and careers. Maybe different in style but same in essence and you cannot disregard that.

You don't take your parents advice with a grain of salt - you take it and accept it whole heartedly and from there you make a decision. I am yet to meet a parent who wouldn't want the best for their children - there are cases of parents who act in their self interests but in 99.99% of parents they act out of the benefit of their children.

And you discredit parents too much, they do grasp the changing nature of the world (in my opinion). But we're both too young and naive to make our claims.

Also like to point out - I know a lot of people who have entered medicine against their will and love their parents for pushing them there - I think there are more ppl who were pushed in and glad they were than the reverse - can someone in med concur?

And btw that last statement angers me so much -  that last statement I could not disagree more. It is your responsibility to take care of your parents... how ungrateful are you to your parents if you don't think it's an obligation AT MINIMUM to look after them when they're old? (not attacking you here more of a rhetorical question) but when/how did you reach a point where you would consider neglecting your parents when they need you the most?

[JellyBeanz]

It is your responsibility to take care of your parents... how ungrateful are you to your parents if you don't think it's an obligation AT MINIMUM to look after them when they're old? (not attacking you here more of a rhetorical question) but when/how did you reach a point where you would consider neglecting your parents when they need you the most?

I agree completely with you, whilst this is not on topic, parents deserve to be taken care of when they're older. To cherish them even as you become more and more independent shows how grateful you are for them. To be honest, i'd find it quite sad if your parents have to force you to take care of them? Your parents need you at the latter stages of their life, to swipe them under the rug just shows how unappreciative a person can be.

Btw just adding to what swag said , not attacking anyone.

[HighTide]

Mods: Excuse my rant.
It is not your child's responsibility to look after you in old age! They have a life and priority of their own! If they choose to look after you, then fine. No rant is needed. But don't force them!

Personally got no problems with most of your post, but, I believe that if you are fortunate enough to be born into a family, you do have an obligation to take care of those that cared for you, taught you, and literally made you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but just remember, treat your parents, and others, the way you would like to be treated. If you are against obligations to care for your parents, consider how you would like to be treated when you are older. Just food for thought !

[pi]

It is not your child's responsibility to look after you in old age! They have a life and priority of their own! If they choose to look after you, then fine. No rant is needed. But don't force them!

After everything my parents have done for me and my sibling (probably much more than we realise), being there for them later is the very least we can do. You may call it a cultural thing. I call it a human thing.

[HasibA]

parents wanted the best for me- thought law/medicine would be the right path, but instead im planning on doing business/I.T- and after talking to them, they are a bit confused but overall understanding- which makes me really happy.
RE: taking care of them when they're older; that's definitely happening- my parents worked too hard and for too long for them not to be helped at least a little by their children - just my 2cents. :3

[FallingStar]

That little bit of a rant (in bold red) was mostly directed at the really selfish parents and I assumed that you who read my posts know that I was directing it at them and not the parents who want the best for their children. So I am not too sure whether you misread my posts.

Personally, I am not a believer of devoting every dollar to looking after your parents but to spend more time with them. Time is precious, and it is this act of spending time with your parents that is actually the most precious to them (rather than actually, physically looking after your parents).

Perhaps I may take a day off work to visit my parents as they get older. Perhaps I do it on the weekends. And then do something like going out shopping with them, or sharing favourite places and stories with them. That is the most wonderful thing you can do to you aging parents and they will really appreciate and cherish your time with them.

This is my view. Not to physically look after them but to spend you precious time with them.

[FallingStar]

Personally got no problems with most of your post, but, I believe that if you are fortunate enough to be born into a family, you do have an obligation to take care of those that cared for you, taught you, and literally made you. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but just remember, treat your parents, and others, the way you would like to be treated. If you are against obligations to care for your parents, consider how you would like to be treated when you are older. Just food for thought !

Truthfully, I would like to look after myself when I get older, and to not rely on everyone else. Whilst that's ideal, I would not force my own children (when I do have any) in any way for form to look after me when I can't. Though I would like them to sped their time with me once in a while. Personal beliefs. Let's agree to disagree.