HSC Stuff > Area of Study (Old Syllabus)
Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: :3 on October 05, 2016, 07:52:20 pm ---So do we basically rephrase concepts from the rubric? If so, it feels like I'm repeating what I stated in the main thesis.
This is one from my essay: "Hurley’s planned exploration of the unchartered Antarctic during the Mawson and Shackleton expeditions had impacted him at an emotional level, compelling him to share it in a revitalising matter. "
--- End quote ---
I would say that sentence is okay, though perhaps a little vague; exactly what were the impacts? ;D
I would think of it this way, think of your main Thesis as an umbrella. A big idea. Your motherhood statements all fall under that umbrella, but they are all distinct.
As an example, maybe your main Thesis is something like, Personal attitudes act as barriers to effective Discovery. Your motherhood statements/paragraphs might be:
* Jealousy as a barrier to discovery
* Obsession as a barrier to discovery
*
Purely an indicator of course :) so all of these are different concepts, but they all fit under the common theme of "barriers to Discovery." So I discuss each of them in turn, all the while linking to my big idea!
So you see it is up to you to create these little 'mini-ideas' that fit under your big one. There can be a little repetition, and all will link to the rubric in some way (probably), but they should still all serve their own purpose. Does that make sense? :)
elysepopplewell:
--- Quote from: Scarlet on October 05, 2016, 05:55:32 pm ---Thank you Elyse !
How would I then approach the question without regurgitating ? I'm really stuck on this part
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I always find that the best way to approach either the question or the rubric without regurgitating is to make sure that when you directly address the question or the rubric, you tag it with something original in the same sentence. This way, you're directly addressing the question like they want, but before they've even got to the second sentence, you've paired it with something that sets you apart from everyone who uses the essay question as their first sentence :)
alyssastama:
Hi!
I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback thesis for Mod A (Richard III and Looking for Richard)?
"An exploration into differing social paradigms during a text’s composition enables a greater understanding of the composer’s intention. Shakespeare’s 16th Century play Richard III, set in Elizabethan England, adjacently analysed with Al Pacino’s postmodern docudrama LFR facilitates an examination into how the shift in pervasive values greatly influenced the film appropriation for a contemporary audience."
Thanks!
:3:
--- Quote from: jamonwindeyer on October 05, 2016, 10:07:10 pm ---I would say that sentence is okay, though perhaps a little vague; exactly what were the impacts? ;D
I would think of it this way, think of your main Thesis as an umbrella. A big idea. Your motherhood statements all fall under that umbrella, but they are all distinct.
As an example, maybe your main Thesis is something like, Personal attitudes act as barriers to effective Discovery. Your motherhood statements/paragraphs might be:
* Jealousy as a barrier to discovery
* Obsession as a barrier to discovery
*
Purely an indicator of course :) so all of these are different concepts, but they all fit under the common theme of "barriers to Discovery." So I discuss each of them in turn, all the while linking to my big idea!
So you see it is up to you to create these little 'mini-ideas' that fit under your big one. There can be a little repetition, and all will link to the rubric in some way (probably), but they should still all serve their own purpose. Does that make sense? :)
--- End quote ---
Thank you Jamon for the all help; I think I'm beginning to understand as to where you're getting at. :)
You basicaly just have to take an aspect (or multiple ones) from your main thesis and write it with respect (not explicitly) to your related text's main concepts/themes.
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: alyssastama on October 06, 2016, 11:06:47 am ---Hi!
I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback thesis for Mod A (Richard III and Looking for Richard)?
"An exploration into differing social paradigms during a text’s composition enables a greater understanding of the composer’s intention. Shakespeare’s 16th Century play Richard III, set in Elizabethan England, adjacently analysed with Al Pacino’s postmodern docudrama LFR facilitates an examination into how the shift in pervasive values greatly influenced the film appropriation for a contemporary audience."
Thanks!
--- End quote ---
Hey Alyssa! I love it, I think that provided you subsequently examine what precise values/paradigms you are referencing, then you are golden. This links to the module well and sets up your argument nicely! Again, make sure you give us more clarification with regard to what social paradigms/values you are talking about in the next sentence(s) :) :)
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