HSC Stuff > Area of Study (Old Syllabus)
Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread
jamonwindeyer:
--- Quote from: Conkerclub1 on July 08, 2018, 12:30:27 pm ---Hey guys,
I was wondering how adaptable you should make your thesis statement be, and whether I should write multiple statements to take into the exam (specifically trials :P) Also, how adaptable would this thesis statement/intro would be, and if there is some way to improve it or make it easier for the markers to understand.
The question was something along the lines of "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Discuss the extent to which discovery is transformative in nature.
One sets sail on the voyage of discovery to undergo a reconsideration of self and to obtain new eyes in which to see the world. William Shakespeare’s rural comedy The Tempest creates a flawed Prospero who is fueled to gain magical power to seek revenge. He is challenged by Ariel to forgive his enemies and so leads to a transformative discovery and renewal of character. A Rage For Curiosity by Philip Adams is a feature article in which Adams discusses the flaws of society and himself. He engages the audience by challenging them to experience and enjoy the discovery of this planet, and so leads to a new ideal in which to view the world. Therefore, both texts portray the process of discovery to be catalyzed by flaws, engaged by a challenge and resulting in a transformative discovery of self.
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Welcome to the forums ;D
I think the Thesis is a really important aspect of an essay response - The most important, probably. So it's vital it is done correctly and responds well to the question. I think having a single adaptable Thesis makes it too easy to miss the mark on the question - You are better off having a collection of statements you can pull on and morph on the fly. The more material you can draw from the better, in my opinion.
As for your Thesis paragraph, your first sentence is essentially establishing a Thesis of self evaluation and new perspectives. This matches the rest of the paragraph, except the phrases catalysed by flaws, engaged by a challenge. Not sure how that fits with the rest of the paragraph - But this is good, this is something you could incorporate to adapt it. It would just need to be woven through the paragraph, not quite so sudden at the end :)
moq418:
For the discovery essay I am doing motorcycle diaries and my related text felks skrzynecki (poem) by Peter Skrzyneck. should i use that for my related text or choose another. please tell me ASAP becuase im currently preparing my essay for paper 1 trail exam. Also how do i write a thesis for example this question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
can i start off by saying: Discovery is defined as... or The process of discovery is...
Thanks everyone.
NowYouTseMe:
--- Quote from: moq418 on July 15, 2018, 03:12:57 pm ---For the discovery essay I am doing motorcycle diaries and my related text felks skrzynecki (poem) by Peter Skrzyneck. should i use that for my related text or choose another. please tell me ASAP becuase im currently preparing my essay for paper 1 trail exam. Also how do i write a thesis for example this question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?
can i start off by saying: Discovery is defined as... or The process of discovery is...
Thanks everyone.
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I noticed you double-posted this so i'm just going to copy my answer to this here...
Hey there,
Upon a first reading of the poem, it definitely explores a complex process of rediscovery so it should be a suitable related text. However, it also happened to be on the 2009-2012 English syllabus as an AOS Belonging text. You can still use it, but I personally wouldn't as my school tends to frown upon reusing old prescribed texts as related material because it looks like a copout from a student who couldn't be bothered finding a unique related text and independently analysing it. I'm not too sure how your school or the HSC Marking Centre would receive it though...
In relation to thesis(theses? thesis's?), I like to approach them as conceptual statements which answer the question in light of one's study of discovery as a concept through their texts. Specifically in relation to your practice question; The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing? , I would probably do something similar to these:
* Catalysed by uncovering hidden truths, the process of discovery provokes unique emotional responses, which can lead to a reconsideration of what is known.
* Discovery is a provocative and intensely meaningful process through which an individual's emotional response to an uncovering of hidden truths can facilitate a reconsideration of what is known about themselves and their world.
Note how these don't mention the texts at all, implicitly or explicitly. This is because your topic sentences should also be conceptual sub-arguments that construct your overall argument, which is your thesis.
(take this with a grain of salt as im also in y12, but my school did our trials early so my pain is over. good luck and you can do it!!!)
moq418:
Thanks.
I have now chosen to do invcitus by William Ernest Henley as a related text for motorcycle diaries. but i dont really know how they relate can someone tell me how they relate each other through self discovery. Also for the thesis how would i start this thank you.
NowYouTseMe:
--- Quote from: moq418 on July 16, 2018, 06:46:28 pm ---Thanks.
I have now chosen to do invcitus by William Ernest Henley as a related text for motorcycle diaries. but i dont really know how they relate can someone tell me how they relate each other through self discovery. Also for the thesis how would i start this thank you.
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Think about what each of your texts say about discovery and group them into common aspects of discovery - either the catalyst, experience and ramifications of discovery if you're willing to try integrated paragraphs or two other statements from the rubric. Once you've figured that out, form a conceptual argument about the notion of discovery that is a natural conclusion of your insights on discovery that you've gained from your study of the texts. That argument is your thesis.
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