VCE Stuff > AN’s Language Analysis Club

2017 AA Club Week 8

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clarke54321:

--- Quote from: Isla77 on September 27, 2017, 05:52:35 pm ---From the outset of the piece, the author praises Banksy as an artist, and thusthe creator of the painting in debate. The slang "good old" brings some sense brings where? Perhaps creates a sense of.....of familiarity and approacheableness, which from the beginningtry not to repeat phrases like this (ie. from the outset...) so close together allows the reader to be drawn into hearing the argumentbit of an odd expression, along with giving a clear indication of the attraction the author experiences towardshmm..not too sure about expression. Banksy. He attempts to convey the injustice and ridiculousness of Banksy's work being made to look worthless of massive attention<---- some rephrasing necessary here., stating that Banksy graffities on the streets, "like many other artists." Doing so, the reader is made to realize that graffiti is widely considered as a form of art, and therefore suitable for being considered as Britain's favorite artwork. I understand where you're going with this, but the intermediate stage is lacking. That is, there needs to be a more explicit analysis of "like many other artists." What is the comparison doing?... Illuminating the notion that Banksy is not isolated in X, and thus ought not be criticised/rebuked/scolded for Y...

Having established the significance of the works created by Bansky, the author then moves on to explore how the "masterpieces" can be a form of communicating the problemsperhaps be a little more specific. Eg. social/humanitarian issues... around us. Labelling the graffiti as being "masterpieces" adds weight to his previous attempt to signify the importance of the artworks why? What are the connotations of "masterpiece?" Word-level analysis would work well here. Slightly exaggeratedlyIn a somewhat exaggerated tone, the author claims art to be "a vehicle for expression", which although with some degree of force?, lets the reader to accept art as a convent tool in thief lives, and to consider them with more importance what do you mean by convent tool? Meaning is not extremely clear.. Including the whole population with the phrases, "for all" and "everyone and anyone", this tool for communication does not the reader is sure not toexclude anyone form the society, and thus lets the whole population be on the same pagecolloquial. about a particular issuehow does this make them feel as a result?. Appealing just a small thing-
 try not to have two passive sentences in a row. to a sense of justice and equality, this gainsgenerates a further acceptance and appreciation of art from the readers who may feel that at times the society has become divided and the leaders misguided, and that a tool for bringing people together and giving them a chance to agree on a topic is what is desired.

Thanks in advance for any corrections/comments!

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Well done on the analysis  :) You have a really good understanding of argument development and consequent effect on readers. Just watch out for clunky expression and surface analysis. I'd recommend that you try some shorter sentences. Not only will this increase coherency, but also ensure that the punch of your analysis doesn't become lost in long sentences. Great work!

boooom:
Responding to the backlash over a Banksy work being named ‘Britain’s favourite artwork’, an opinion contends that the graffiti piece is very much deserving of the title for its provocative and symbolic protest against inherent social inequalities.

The author begins by highlighting that Banksy’s fame and prestige makes him undeserving of the criticism that he received. They immediately attack those who don’t see the artist as the well-known and beloved “good old Banksy” through accusing them of having “liv[ed] under a rock.” The offensive label appeals to their desire to stay modern and up to date, with the implication that the viewpoint of Banksy being famous being the status quo inclining them to agree with it. This high-status depiction of Banksy is then built on through the tricolon “from the streets”, “to the internet”, and “to our art galleries”. The associations with society of these three references are all distinctly different; “the streets” invokes an image of raw harshness, “the internet” gives a portrayal of technological advancement, and “art galleries” conveys a sense of poshness. In creating these contrasts, the author attempts to portray Banksy’s fame as universal and as such the artist himself as highly regarded. The author then uses this high status portrayal, in particular, as the basis of their rhetorical question: “why is everyone so up in arms at [his] … artwork?”. The confused tone and implied answer acts to position audiences to see any dislike of the artist as illogical, and in turn, further lead them to contrarily view him as a respected and reputable individual. 

Shifting to a more vehement tone, the author proceeds to argue that Banksy should be instead praised for the social activism he does through his work. They portray him as almost hero-like for his brave “expos[ition]” of the “most sordid aspects of our society”. The word “expose” specifically implies to audiences that have been deceived, and appeals to their natural inclinations to not be manipulated. This leads them to feel grateful towards Banksy, and the feeling of gloom the phrase “most sordid aspects” invokes only further compounds this effect as it suggests that these “aspects” are disconcerting to face. The author then accuses the audience of being complacent to, and thus the cause of, these “sordid aspects” of society through the inclusive phrase “our eyes from our screens”. The repetition of the word “our” emphasises that audiences are only concerned about themselves and as such ignorant to the issues around them. Having already positioned to see themselves inferior, audiences are lead to feel guilty by this rather than attacked, further positioning them to feel grateful towards Banksy for fixing the problems that they have caused.

The accompanying image solidifies the argument the piece presents. Banksy’s artwork “Girl with a balloon” is dominated by a sense of bleakness conveyed through the neutral colour palette and the bland use of straight lines, but nevertheless, the red balloon contrasts it all and is the focus of the image. This serves to further the admirable and commendable portrayal of the artist, as despite the suppressive nature of a mundane world, he still uses his artistic voice in attempts to speak out against what is established and considered norm. 

Anonymous:

--- Quote from: boooom on September 28, 2017, 08:05:59 am ---Responding to the backlash over a Banksy work being named ‘Britain’s favourite artwork’, an opinion piece contends that the graffiti piece is very much deserving of the title for its provocativeunsure if provocative is the right word here and symbolic protest against inherent social inequalities.

The author begins by highlighting that Banksy’s fame and prestige makes him undeserving of the criticism that he received. They immediately attack those who don’t see the artist as the well-known and beloved “good old Banksy” throughby accusing them of having “liv[ed] under a rock.” The offensive label appeals to their desire to stay modern and up to date, with the implication that the viewpoint of Banksy being famous being the status quoa bit clumsy, try: with the implication that viewing Banksy as famous is the status quo inclining them to agree with it. This high-status depiction of Banksy is then built onenhanced through the tricolon “from the streets”, “to the internet”, and “to our art galleries”. The associations with society of these three referencesmakes more sense if you switch this around - the associations of these three references with society are all distinctly different; “the streets” invokes an image of raw harshness, “the internet” gives bit colloquial a portrayal of technological advancement, and “art galleries” conveys a sense of poshness. In creating these contrasts, the author attempts to portray Banksy’s fame as universal and as such the artist himself as highly regardednice!. The author then uses this high status portrayal, in particular, as the basis of their rhetorical question: “why is everyone so up in arms at [his] … artwork?”. The confused tone and implied answer acts to position audiences to seebit casual, try regard any dislike of the artist as illogical, and in turn, further lead them to contrarily view him as a respected and reputable individual. 

Shifting to a more vehement tone, the author proceeds to argue that Banksy should be instead praised for the social activism he does through his work rather than criticised. They portray him as almost hero-like for his brave “expos[ition]” of the “most sordid aspects of our society”nice!. The word “expose” specifically implies to audiences that have been deceived, and appeals to their natural inclinations to not be manipulated. This leads them to feel grateful towards Banksy, and the feeling of gloom the phrase “most sordid aspects” invokes only further compounds this effect as it suggests that these “aspects” are disconcerting to face. The author then accuses the audience of being complacent to, and thus the cause of how is the audience causing the "sordid aspects"? think you would be better off just mentioning that they are being complacent, these “sordid aspects” of society through the inclusive phrase “our eyes from our screens” feel like you could integrate this better to suit what you are saying. The repetition of the word “our” emphasises that audiences are only concerned about themselves and as such, ignorant to the issues around them. Having already positioned to see themselves inferiorwhen did this happen?? need to analyse when this happens if you are going to mention it, audiences are lead to feel guilty by this rather than attacked, further positioning them to feel grateful towards Banksy for fixing the problems that they have caused.

The accompanying image solidifies the argument the piece presents. Banksy’s artwork “Girl with a balloon” is dominated by a sense of bleakness conveyed through the neutral colour palette and the bland use of straight lines, but nevertheless, the red balloon contrasts it all and is the focus of the image. This serves to furtherrepetition, you've used this a few times the admirable and commendable portrayal of the artist, as despite the suppressive nature of a mundane world, he still uses his artistic voice in attempts to speak out against what is established and considered norm. 

--- End quote ---

Good job! Your use of examples to back the argument is great :) At times, I thought the examples used were a bit of a stretch (analysis of "expose" -
 second body para) but you justified it well. At times, sentences are a little clumsy but overall your expression is good. To further improve, I think you could replace some of the simpler words with something flashier. Well done!

sonnyangel:
Animatedly, the author contends that Banksy’s work deserves to be named Britain’s favourite artwork as it is a highly appreciated piece and is accessible to all. The deliberate use of “artwork” over graffiti elucidates that their piece has transcended from being a pleasant sight on the streets to a highly regarded artistic creation, with its positive connotations. This positions readers to view Banksy’s piece with more respect and feel as though it is worthy of the title of Britain’s favourite artwork. Appealing to the middle and lower classes, the opinion piece attributes the popularity of the artwork to its unpretentious nature, claiming that while “it might not be…high class and sophisticated”, it is thought-provoking and moving. In turn, this intends to enlists the support of ordinary individuals who would not necessarily consider themselves connoisseurs of art, enabling them to feel as though they too have a voice in this matter.
Deliberating that “good old Banksy” and other graffiti artists are pivotal in addressing social issues, the opinion piece presents yet another case as to why the controversy surrounding the title is unwarranted. The soft assonance of “unrest” and “uncertainty” underlines the necessity of art and expression in order to restore humanity and this serves to ameliorate readers that these problematic affairs are being confronted. The optimistic photograph included, depicting the famed artwork of a young girl reaching out to a heart-shaped balloon, is symbolic of the intrinsic human need for love in a world where conflict is constantly arising. Poignant yet inspirational, Banksy’s piece, in amalgamation with the optimistic etching in the wall asserting that “there is always hope”, revitalises reader’s faith in mankind, encapsulating the conviction that there will be a brighter future. Thus, by establishing that the artwork is a grounds for hope, the author extols Banksy and strives to convince readers that the Girl with Balloon is entitled to being named Britain’s favourite artwork

Thank you in advance for any feedback!!

Anonymous:
Spoiler
--- Quote from: sonnyangel on September 28, 2017, 11:56:54 am ---Animatedly, the author contends that Banksy’s work deserves to be named Britain’s favourite artwork as it is a highly appreciated piece and is accessible to all. The deliberate use of “artwork” over graffiti elucidates that their piece has transcended from being a pleasant sight on the streets to a highly regarded artistic creation, with its positive connotations. This positions readers to view Banksy’s piece with more respect and feel as though it is worthy of the title of Britain’s favourite artwork. Appealing to the middle and lower classes, the opinion piece attributes the popularity of the artwork to its unpretentious nature, claiming that while “it might not be…high class and sophisticated”, it is thought-provoking and moving. In turn, this intends to enlists the support of ordinary individuals who would not necessarily consider themselves connoisseurs of art, enabling them to feel as though they too have a voice in this matter.
Deliberating that “good old Banksy” and other graffiti artists are pivotal in addressing social issues, the opinion piece presents yet another case as to why the controversy surrounding the title is unwarranted. The soft assonance of “unrest” and “uncertainty” underlines the necessity of art and expression in order to restore humanity and this serves to ameliorate readers that these problematic affairs are being confronted. The optimistic photograph included, depicting the famed artwork of a young girl reaching out to a heart-shaped balloon, is symbolic of the intrinsic human need for love in a world where conflict is constantly arising. Poignant yet inspirational, Banksy’s piece, in amalgamation with the optimistic etching in the wall asserting that “there is always hope”, revitalises reader’s faith in mankind, encapsulating the conviction that there will be a brighter future. Thus, by establishing that the artwork is a grounds for hope, the author extols Banksy and strives to convince readers that the Girl with Balloon is entitled to being named Britain’s favourite artwork

Thank you in advance for any feedback!!

--- End quote ---

Good work, you have good expression and it’s well written but there’s a few points that could be improved:
Firstly, be very specific with discussing impact of a technique – “positive connotations” is very vague. Instead you should talk about what those positive connotations are (artistic ability/vision or just simply a nice piece of art?) and how it relates to the conclusion you’re making about its persuasive impact (why would Britons view Banksy with more respect?) – especially in your first paragraph, I think there’s more to be said on the accessibility of Banksy’s art and how that’s likely to generate popular support over alternative forms of art that the author implies – especially the idea of using art for social change.
Secondly, I think your structure could be more clearly defined – it can help to organise your paragraphs by argument. Having a single sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to summarise an aspect of the contention, then attempting to relate analysis of techniques back to the argument helps to improve flow. You broadly talk about accessibility and hope/social change as the two main ideas of your language analysis – so make that as clear as you can.
For example – the links between this sentence and the rest of the paragraph was a bit unclear “The soft assonance of “unrest” and “uncertainty” underlines the necessity of art and expression in order to restore humanity and this serves to ameliorate readers that these problematic affairs are being confronted.”.

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