HSC Stuff > The HSC Journey Journal
Tempestuously cruising through the HSC
Lumenoria:
Omg I legit am so unmotivated rn. I find it impossible to study for subjects I dislike (i.e. maths and multimedia and eco). I've been neglecting legal successfully because I really want to focus on my weaknesses, but I've been doing so MANY practice essays for english. It's literally just because I enjoy expending effort into the subject, nothing more. It's not an inherently bad thing, but it isn't ideal considering I am already super confident with it and not so much with my other subjects. It's super weird. Like I can easily and willingly just write out a 40 minute essay to a random question for English. But when it comes to Economics, I legit cannot bring myself to do it and if I do end up doing it, it will take me a whole day to get through it lol. I managed to write out an essay for eco today in 2 hours which is surprisingly fast got me, so I'm kinda proud of that. I also did a Mod C essay, which probably should've been another eco essay but oh well. I have work for 5 hours today and I'm dreading it so fucking much. I'm seriously considering resigning like next week or something because I'm getting kinda overwhelmed. I hate having the burden of work over my head and while it doesn't really impede my capacity to do well in school, I just don't like the feeling of dread I have for it. I actually love the people there and the job but fuck I dread it all the time lol
Lumenoria:
Guys I'm so fucking salty rn. The school organised a party event for Wednesday, but they fucking postponed it till next term at the very last minute because they didn't sell enough tickets - and we'll have already graduated by then! My whole group spent so much money to acquire matching outfits and now it's legit gone to waste. I wrote up a massive rant and refined it a tad on behalf of our cohort and sent it to the school, but they literally ignored it. They usually respond like asap but it's been 2 days and I've yet to receive a response. I feel like they're just not taking it seriously because I accidentally wrote "lol" at the top of it, but the rest of the message was very formally and seriously written. I probably took it too far a stretch in the way I expressed myself, but still, they should've told us that cancellation was a possibility like wtf. I initially wanted to do it anonymously (I sent it from a new email under the name "Laurel Yanny" lmao), but I accidentally forwarded the email I sent myself from my real email (of the message cos it was on my phone) TO THE SCHOOL! So basically I exposed myself lol. I'm such an idiot. I was a bit concerned, but I'm not really anymore because I know for a fact that everything I said was justified. My English teacher gave me some tips before I sent the message because she was worried I would be expelled from the savageness of my initial (very emotional) message lol, so I tried to send a productive message suggesting a solution (i.e. postponing it to a date before our grad) to euphemise my rage in accordance with her advice. I'm seriously so annoyed - I legit even paid for express shipping so that my outfit would arrive in time and worked double my usual shifts straight after trials just so I could buy it.
The thought of graduating in 3 weeks, sickens my soul. I literally will miss everyone so much. On Tuesday, I interacted with a teacher who had me for Advanced and Extension English in year 11 for basically the first time after she came back from maternity leave (it's been about a year since she came back tho lol), and I seriously realised how fucking sad I will be when I make my departure. This teacher helped me through SO fucking much on a personal level, and I've always had so much gratitude for her existence in my heart, but I just haven't had a chance to talk to her because 1. I cannot initiate conversations and am the epitome of an introvert and 2. Sometimes seeing her reminds me of a very bad time in my life and I worry that she only sees me as that person if that makes sense, and 3. I worry that she's forgotten about me. It was actually not that substantial of an interaction, but fuck I was so happy that she recognised me. It reminded me that I need to have conversation with her one day just to see how she's doing as a mum and I have so much to tell her. UGHH I'm annoyed at myself because she was basically inviting me to walk with her and I literally walked the other way out of panic (this has happened so many times I kid you not). Throughout the year I've always wanted to as a little goal of mine, and I always told myself that I'd do it when I graduate but now that I'm actually closing in on that date, it seems so scary. But I have to do it for myself. I went to see my (now) English teacher in the staff room that day as well inquiring about Mod A and discovery, and she was roasting me for my handwriting again as usual telling me to "stop using that fat black pen because it makes my writing look like hieroglyphics" and "start going back to how I wrote in year 11" lol. And she (my year 11 teacher) was in there aswell tuning into our conversation, and it was just very lighthearted and made my day to see her. I sound crazy probably, but I definitely would not be here today (not exaggerating) were it not for her support and compassion during that time of absolute hell. I know I'll regret it SO much if I don't atleast try to talk to her (without being anxious the whole time), before I graduate.
I've been salty about my multimedia teacher for the longest time now, because throughout the year he kept shitting on my major work and doubting my potential, but at the showcase, he literally kept replaying mine like it was his masterpiece? He also hasn't given us our marks for the last 2 assessments we did, but he's so horrible that I kinda accepted that it was a lost cause lol. Anyways, one of the guys in my class asked about it, and he actually invited us to look at our marks ( I was shocked cos I just assumed he didn't mark them or something). I didn't bother to find out mine because idk I was scared it would be bad and I'd lose my rank ahahaa. But one of my friends, who is directly above me in the roll, went to see his marks and said that I got 95 in one assessment and high 80s in the other - which isn't too bad. But I swear I heard people saying they got full marks, so idk if I am still 1st... hopefully I am.
I've also been an emotional mess since getting back my economics trial (I have never bombed an exam so hard in this course), as I knew that my friend took my 1st rank (where I was directly before trials), and my other friend 2nd place. I knew that my overall mark after trials was 85.25 and the person coming 2nd was 85.75, but I didn't know if there was anyone in the class who fell between us. So, I was paranoid my rank was double digits or something, but OMG I asked my teacher and he secretly wrote a piece of paper "3" (i.e 3rd/18) lol, so I'm super relieveddd. Also found out that I dropped from 4th to 8th place in maths, but that was kinda expected tbh lol.
Study wise, I've been doing a LOT of essays for the topics that no one likes in economics and legal, just so that I don't have to do it later down the track. I've been doing a lot of practice essays for English for handwriting practice, but I cannot write them in under 40 minutes no matter what. I timed myself the other day and it took me 53 minutes to write a Mod A essay to a random trial question - which is obviously not a good sign. Being conscious of having to write legibly is slowing me down SO fucking much, because previously I didn't even take handwriting into account - my main focus would be finishing, not finishing LEGIBLY. In trials, I took 27 mins to do Mod A and this is almost DOUBLE. Like wtf. I didn't even finish all my trial essays writing as horribly as I did, so idk how I'm supposed to finish with somewhat legible handwriting when that wasn't even possible with my fastest, illegible writing. I talked to my teacher about it and she thinks I'm "overcompensating" - writing too neatly - but I legit am NOT at all. It's like the minimum needed to pass as "legible" if I had to say so myself. I've been trying to write bigger because I know that's easier to read relative to small writing, but omg it makes my arm strain so MUCH - I usually never experience pain when I'm writing in exam besides hand cramps. But omg this arm thing was another level. I'm worried this issue with handwriting will relegate my mark in English Advanced to a band 5, because this is by far my strongest subject. Anyways, I've been trying to study as much as I can this week because I have 4 upcoming parties in the span of 3 weeks starting from next Saturday, and I really need to get on top of my game after trials. Plus formal ahh
Lumenoria:
Omg I can't believe there's just a week left until graduation. That's legit insaneee, exciting and scary. I've been really struggling to keep on top of my schoolwork as I've been invited to SO events and have a lot of obligations outside of school. I'm organising the gift for my English teacher, which is lowkey stressing me out ah because I want it to be given to her in a week. The school hired me to design the geofilter for formal again, which is due next Monday ASWELL and I have literally no creative inspiration. I have an insatiable desire for perfection, and nothing I've drafted has even come close to it. I did about 3 draft designs on Saturday before the party I went to, and they just did not fit my vision at all. Ugh I know I can do it, but I really am doubting myself atm
Besides my horrible handwriting, I'm not too concerned about HSC because although I've been working less than usual, I've still been pretty consistent. (I've been neglecting multimedia but tbh it's not content heavy so I'm ok with that) I've been working on so many model essays as we go along in the syllabus concurrently, and haven't actually gotten around to handing them in ugh. I typed up practice essays I did under timed conditions to the 2016 paper 2, which I'll be sending in tonight. I really need to get cracking on my legal drafts though ugh. And I need to do them asap because I have a party this Saturday, plus formal next Thursday and another party the Saturday after that. I'm really fucking excited for next Thurs (grad + formal), but there is SO much to do before then.
emilyygeorgexx:
--- Quote from: Lumenoria on September 17, 2018, 07:30:41 pm ---Omg I can't believe there's just a week left until graduation. That's legit insaneee, exciting and scary. I've been really struggling to keep on top of my schoolwork as I've been invited to SO events and have a lot of obligations outside of school. I'm organising the gift for my English teacher, which is lowkey stressing me out ah because I want it to be given to her in a week. The school hired me to design the geofilter for formal again, which is due next Monday ASWELL and I have literally no creative inspiration. I have an insatiable desire for perfection, and nothing I've drafted has even come close to it. I did about 3 draft designs on Saturday before the party I went to, and they just did not fit my vision at all. Ugh I know I can do it, but I really am doubting myself atm
Besides my horrible handwriting, I'm not too concerned about HSC because although I've been working less than usual, I've still been pretty consistent. (I've been neglecting multimedia but tbh it's not content heavy so I'm ok with that) I've been working on so many model essays as we go along in the syllabus concurrently, and haven't actually gotten around to handing them in ugh. I typed up practice essays I did under timed conditions to the 2016 paper 2, which I'll be sending in tonight. I really need to get cracking on my legal drafts though ugh. And I need to do them asap because I have a party this Saturday, plus formal next Thursday and another party the Saturday after that. I'm really fucking excited for next Thurs (grad + formal), but there is SO much to do before then.
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Omg this is literally me in one post!! I organised 2 of teachers gifts as well and tbh biggest struggle of my life.
Legit can't believe how close grad is, especially because mine's next Wednesday but we have last day of classes this Friday! I am honestly trying to pull out essays left, right and centre so I can give them all in and get marked before Friday AHHHH
Oh and just on top of that, the LAT is literally next Tuesday and I haven't even tried to do some mediocre study for it even though you can't really study for it. Gosh it's going to get hectic
Lumenoria:
Yesterday was one of the best days ever. We have classes next Monday and Tuesday, but I have LAT on the day of our legal class party, so it was my friend and me's last legal lesson. We legit love our legal teacher/mentor so so so much, so we had gotten her a massive plush carebear, a mug with a selfie of us with her on it that says "love you miss! xoxo" and both wrote long 2 page letters, which we chucked in the bag. Tbh only a few deserve them, but for those few, I fucking love giving them heartfelt letters because I know it means a lot to them. I wrote one to my English Adv and Ext teacher in year 11 who went above and beyond for me when I was living in a hellish personal situation, and she literally sent me a long ass email after expressing her gratitude for it. So basically, we waited 'til the end of the lesson to give it to her (we snuck the bag in without her seeing) and omg her reaction was the fucking cutest thing ever. We asked her to open the mug box in front of us, and she just laughed saying "My outfit that day was horrible" HAHAHA it was honestly so heartwarming. We told her that we wrote letters which were in the bag as well (I was worried she'd chuck the bag out without seeing em lol), and she was like I cant read them rn or I'll cry hahaha. It was just so sad to come to the end of the legal journey with her.
I'm organising collective gifts and cards for my English and Eco teacher aswell, because legit no one else has initiated the process. I've done pretty well at getting most people to sign the cards, but there are a few left. So for English, we took a class pic and it was so funny because we were going to take it on self timer, but Miss was like "no get someone from next door to take it, my smile wont last for 10 secs", so we went to get someone and turns out it's her SISTER!! - who is an English casual at the school. So we got the pic and it was super duper cute - we did it because I wanted to do a photo mug and frame for her, but my teacher didn't know that lol. So I did all that at Kmart, and omg the photo frames turned out SOOO cute - I couldn't stop staring at it ahahah. On the way home, I checked my email and omfg my legal teacher had sent me an email with the subject "Thank you!" and omg my heart dropped. I instantly clicked on it and omg amongst other things, she said that our "beautiful letters" made her cry a lot and that days like today reminded her of why she started teaching to begin with. It was the cutest thing and ended with "Now, a family draft? Crime? Ha!" lol. I was so happy because earlier today, my friend (who partnered up with me on this gift), told me how her English Adv teacher (who has a daughter in yr 11), was trashtalking my legal teacher's ability to teach saying that "I should give her some English sentence structures and have her turn it into legal ones",and it made me so mad hearing that. Like bitch, just because your daughter did shit, you have legit no right to criticise her because 1. you have no expertise in that subject area like wtf?? The style of legal essays are so different to that of English. It's like a math teacher condemning someone's ability to do english 2. she legit does nothing to help her students, people have legit handed a draft in and gotten no reply. She only looks at drafts of people who are ranked well, meanwhile my legal teacher looks at everyone's within a day max. She makes herself so readily available for her students, so this teacher's daughter could've easily addressed any concerns with her cos she would've been more than happy to help. And also it's not like they have no clue how to do essays, my legal teacher legit gave them the essay I wrote last year that got 25/25, so the should have a good idea of the writing style they need to apply in their work??? Ugh so in my letter I wrote "When people criticise your teaching, always remind yourself that your altruism and passion for your students will take you further than anything else in this world as a teacher", because apparently this english teacher is planning to set up a parent conference with her to roast her (she's the most intimidating person ever). I know my legal teacher would be very professional about it because that's just the person she is (she used to be a solicitor), but idk this English teacher has seniority with 10+ years of experience which might intimidate her. It just annoys me when people undermine her integrity, because she is literally SO dedicated to us and deserves the world. Hopefully she keeps what I wrote in mind.
On another note, I am still in my post trials utopia omg. I think it's because I have so much coming up before I can go hard studying that it's throwing me off lol. But I cannot stay in this state of inertia - it's so bad ugh. I've really only been doing English - I've sent a thousand practice Mod B essays to my teacher lol. I managed to do 3 hours yesterday - I finally finished my essay for surrogacy, which I emailed to my teacher at like 2am lol. I have a party tonight, so I'm trying to do 5 hours of study before it starts. I LEGIT NEED TO DO MORE MATHS OMG!!! I'm a bit worried also because I'm getting really sick and am at the precipice of losing my voice, which is not good considering the formalities coming up.
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