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Legal Studies - Mod Please!

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rodero:

--- Quote from: FutureLawStudent on October 31, 2017, 12:58:53 pm ---Hey,

From the looks of things, you intro looks a little bit long. Whilst it is written really well, there's probably a bit too much listing of you actual arguments; it almost looks as if you have your thesis points as the body of the intro. Instead I'd shorten your three arguments down to bite size statements, perhaps listed as recent reforms to  x, x, and x have limited the ability of the legal system to operate in an effective manner which has resulted in <X>. 

From there, I'd establish some clear criteria (the X), whilst you have listed the achievement of justice as one, this criterion is a little broad to be the only one you use, perhaps you should frame the balancing of the rights as the main criterion or an additional one.

All in all, pretty good, but remember that your intro should be relatively tight, not that ~170 words is too long, it just could be shorter, and perhaps a bit more direct.

Of course, that's just my opinion, and I'm happy to hear any dissenting opinions.

--- End quote ---

--- Quote from: jamonwindeyer on November 01, 2017, 11:41:31 am ---Hey! I was planning on waiting until you'd edited, but just in case here's some feedback on the intro!

SpoilerAssess the effectiveness of law reform in the criminal justice system

Although the legal system is dependent on law reform to remain relevant in a dynamic society, it has only been partially effective in the criminal justice system. These inadequacies have been a direct result of the inherent difficulty in balancing the rights of the offender, victim and society. Great two part Thesis, works really nicely and establishes the argument quickly. Such is the case in the recent bail amendments, where attempts to achieve justice for the accused, comes at the expense of the rights of the wider community. Further reforms to the majority verdict have tarnished the standard of ‘beyond reasonable doubt’, by reducing the criteria for a valid conviction. As well, the introduction of mandatory sentences has breached the separation in powers, resulting in the limitation of judicial powers and hindering their ability to adapt to the unique features of each case. I love that you set up your paragraph topics so thoroughly, but you don't necessarily need this level of depth this early. If you can write an introduction this long and not compromise the rest of the essay, go for it, it works nicely. But you could cut back on the detail here if you want to and put some of these ideas in your topic sentences. These attempts to adapt to the changing nature of society have ultimately posed a threat to the achievement of justice, thus rendering law reform as only a partially effective measure in the criminal justice system.

Not much to say at all, really solid introduction! Could be condensed, you can certainly develop your argument the rest of the way in your topic sentences and paragraphs, but only if you need it;D

--- End quote ---

Ah yeah, completely ditched the idea of writing the crime essay. I realised there were so many gaps in World Order and Family, so I had to give this up  :'( Regardless, thanks to everyone for chipping in with their feedback! Means a lot

PS: Welcome to the forums FutureLawStudent

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