Hi guys!
This is my legal essay on the criminal trial process. Any feedback would be extremely helpful (be as harsh as you can)
Thanks in advance! 
Hey there! As per the
marking guidelines here - I can give you some pointers, and I encourage anyone else reading this to share their thoughts too!
In your intro, you have this sentence:
Justice is an essential aspect of the legal system, as it uses fairness to simultaneously uphold the moral rights of society while punishing perpetrators of the law.
There's just something really small I want to adjust to improve the accuracy of your sentence. Remember that sentencing and punishing are not the same thing - punishment is a consideration in sentencing. Your sentence implies that the system is about vengeance and punishment - but I think it's more accurate to say, "while adequately dealing with perpetrators..." This isn't just some feedback on this particular sentence, but it's a key point to remember to be able to separate punishment and sentencing - they're not interchangeable
The rest of your introduction is great - your final sentence really states clearly what your opinion and stance is and I love it.
Your first body paragraph is truly interesting. Never before have I seen someone focus so clearly on the eligibility for legal aid. Your statistics about the 8% of households is a real asset to your argument. It's interesting, clear, and really proves your point.
This here:
"The use of evidence in trial is also an area of law which needs to be addressed properly, as the mishandling of evidence can result in severe miscarriages of justice."
Has a small point I'd like to mention - "which needs to be addressed properly" - you can be more critical and analytical than this. Saying something more like, "An area of law which needs to be addressed urgently" or "addressed far more appropriately"...all of these variations add a sense of critic to your tone, which is what we need to know exactly how you feel about this particular facet of the trial process. With your ABC article in this same paragraph, I think if you could put the title, or the year, or where on ABC it was published (radio? online?) then you give it more strength because it's verifiable.
In this part here:
In the case R v Jama (2008), the defendant was accused of the rape, the only link being DNA samples obtained by a lab technician during the forensic investigation. Despite evidence from police which suggested Jama’s innocence, he was convicted of rape and spent 16 months in jail until his acquittal."
You raise a good case with Jama. I'd write "samples mishandled by a lab technician during A PREVIOUS forensic investigation, of which the accused was acquitted." At the moment it sounds like his DNA was collected for this crime, but it was actually collected for a separate, PREVIOUS, investigation. Your mentioning of this case is judicious.
For the jury paragraph - identify what the ABC report is
"In the first trial of R v Wood (2008), the jury was discharged after it was alleged that members of the panel had planned to visit the Gap at night, which was a breach of their jury conditions. " - If the Gap is the site of the crime, say "site of the crime." If you're looking for another case of jury misconduct, especially at the detriment to the victims and witnesses who had to repeat evidence at a retrial - the R V Bilal Skaf case is a good one to explore. Your reference to the ABS is fantastic.
Overall this is a very impressive essay and I'm very pleased with the way you've incorporated cases, media, and reports, so seamlessly. A place to improve is by bringing in international documents to support your claims and blow the issue out to be bigger - showing you understand a micro and macro level.
I hope you're happy with this essay!
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Topic: Legal: Criminal Trial Process essay! (Read 5856 times)