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Creative Marking

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theyam:
Hello~

If I have accumulated enough posts, is it possible for someone to mark my creative please? It's not exactly done and I'm honestly struggling. Its sorta a mix of hopefully descriptions (although they're most likely telling rather than showing) and jumbled together. Any ways to make this story more sophisticated? Thank you to whoever marks this!!

rasha25:
Hello there, I just saw your post and thought I'd help out. Please do keep in mind I am in no way a professional marker nor am I a teacher, just simply a year 12 student. Hope that you find this useful, I've attached a document bellow where I have made comments onto the parts that I thought needed work/editing. Feel free to let me know if there is an edit you do not understand. Overall a good and relatable idea of discovery, have a lovely day. 

elysepopplewell:
Hey there! I'm going to take a look at this if not tomorrow, Saturday. If you want to make any edits based on the feedback given already feel free to do that and then re-post, otherwise I'll just take a look at the current version. I just wanted to give you a heads up in case you were already making changes! :) I'll get back to you soon! :)

theyam:
Hi rasha25,

Thank you so much for your suggestions, they were really helpful and easy to understand. You give really good advice!

From theyam :)

theyam:
Hi Elyse,

I sorta tried editing it?

Thank you!

From: theyam :)

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