VCE Stuff > AN’s Language Analysis Club
2018 AA Club - Week 1
clarke54321:
--- Quote from: MissSmiley on January 02, 2018, 01:27:05 pm ---I wonder if you would be able to attach one of your argument analysis responses to any SAC or Exam practice that you did? Obviously asking because I know it will be that A+ standard!!
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No worries at all, Miss Smiley! I'm glad the feedback helped. So that I don't detract from this thread's main purpose, I'll post a sample argument analysis here on my VCE English guide :)
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Anonymous on January 02, 2018, 02:58:25 pm ---The decision of global commercial superpower, Apple, to build a new flagship store within the confines of Federation Square, has been labelled outrageous by numerous Victorians. In a critical and patriotic tone, April Baragwanath’s opinion piece condemns Apple’s proposal, and urges for its cancellation. Targeted towards Victorians, Baragwanath encourages this group to share her predisposition that the establishment of such a store will ruin the space that is Federation Square, and thus, invites them to protest such a decision. nice, succinct intro that ticks all the requirements and gives the context of Apple being a “commercial superpower” !! Really great! :D
Baragwanath initiates her argument by emphasising that the establishment of Apple’s commercial space within Federation Square risks degrading such a national icon. excellent topic sentence!!The inclusion of the unique description of the space; “irregular angles, rosy hued forecourt and generous steps” allows such listing to express the individuality and identify of such a space. Through employing adjectives such as “quirky”, the reader is able to associate Federation Square as a unique space for Victorians that has consequently developed its own identity. Furthermore, the metaphor that ‘Fed Square’ is the “beating heart of Melbourne” further emphasises the value and pride that is felt by Victorians towards such a space. This thus allows Baragwanath to evoke the pride they feel for their national icon. great analysis of intended effect of technique on audience!! It is through such evoked pride is that rather than ‘is’ Baragwanath isable to position her audience to condemn Apple’s decision. By labelling the proposal as “tacky”, the audience is inclined to envision the “original and integral Federation Square” as threatened, through such negative connotations that are sparked as a result. Furthermore, through depicting Apple as focused on purely their “commercial aspirations” the audience is encouraged to envision possibly another synonym for envision? Since you’ve used the word already beforehand? But great analysis of effect once again, with carefully selected evidence! :)a company that does care about the identity and depiction of the public space, rather, their own profit gain. Consequently, Baragwanath is able to encourage Victorians to not only resist the proposal due to their desire to protect such an integral part of their community, but also resist such a motive that is purely for profit.
Just one body and no concl atm! Will value all feedback!
This is really excellent!! Your analysis of intended effect was spot on every time!! All the very very best! You’re doing amazing already!!
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MissSmiley:
--- Quote from: Anonymous on January 02, 2018, 03:36:19 pm ---Sorry once again, really very sorry! The page went away suddenly and it didn’t reload my tick in the box!
Sorry from MissSmiley! Hope the feedback is read!
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MissSmiley:
--- Quote from: clarke54321 on January 02, 2018, 03:26:33 pm ---No worries at all, Miss Smiley! I'm glad the feedback helped. So that I don't detract from this thread's main purpose, I'll post a sample argument analysis here on my VCE English guide :)
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Thanks a lot!! :D
clarke54321:
--- Quote from: Anonymous on January 02, 2018, 02:58:25 pm ---The decision of global commercial superpower, Apple, to build a new flagship store within the confines of Federation Square, has been labelled outrageous by numerous Victorians. In a critical and patriotic tone, April Baragwanath’s opinion piece condemns Apple’s proposal, and urges for its cancellation. Targeted towards Victoriansthere is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but try and be less conclusive. Perhaps, "Targeted towards the likely audience of Victorian residents,......." This just reduces forcefulness, Baragwanath encourages this group to share her predisposition that the establishment of such a store will ruin the space can you be more specific with the contention? Which elements of Fed Square will face obliteration?that is Federation Square, and thus, invites them to protest such a decision.
Baragwanath initiates her argument by emphasising that the establishment of Apple’s commercial space within Federation Square risks degrading such a national icon nice argument identification. To strengthen coherency, try to shorten the sentence. Sometimes it helps to flip the sentence around :). The inclusion of the description of the unique space;this is rather clunky. Perhaps a sentence like, "By including a description of Federation Square's unique spacial quality, 'irregular angles, rosy hued forecourt and generous steps,' Baragwanath is able to.........." “irregular angles, rosy hued forecourt and generous steps” allows such listing to express the individuality and identify of such a space <--- great, but can you take this further? The descriptor seems endless when read. Maybe this seeks to echo the endless originality of the landmark, the overwhelming facets of beauty? How does this in turn make readers feel or think? Reflect with pride?. Through employing adjectives such as “quirky”, the reader is able to associate Federation Square as a unique spacegreat! What are additional connotations attached to "quirky"? Try and carry out a full word analysis. for Victorians that has consequently developed its own identity. Furthermore, the metaphor that ‘Fed Square’ is the “beating heart of Melbourne” further emphasises the value and pridehow does it do this? Like I've mentioned in a previous correction, you need to include the howphase. In a basic sense, what is this metaphor communicating? that is felt by Victorians towards such a space. This thus allows Baragwanath to evoke the pride they feel for their national icon. It is through such evoked pridepride has been repeated quite a bit. Find some variation with synonyms :D is Baragwanath able to position her audience to condemn Apple’s decisionwhy? Pull the explanation out fully. Does this pride encourage readers to adopt a protective stance? The need to nurture a unique icon?. By labelling the proposal as “tacky”, the audience is inclined to envision the “original and integral Federation Square” as threatened, through such negative connotations that are sparked as a resultthis is too general. Rather than "negative" connotations, what in particular does "tacky" cause you to think? Artificial, of a poor quality? Think about this as an alternative. How does Baragwanath draw a comparison between existing building and the proposed one, in terms of language? . Furthermore, through depicting Apple as focused on purely on their “commercial aspirations” the audience is encouraged to envisiontry and find a new verb :) This one has been used only recently. a company that does care about the identity and depiction of the public space, rather, their own profit gain <--- great, but I think this sentence could be stronger if it were flipped, and you fleshed out the how element further. To do this, think about the way Baragwanath describes the proposed building- "tacky gold spaceship." There is an almost laughable implication tucked behind "gold spaceship" that could be mentioned.. Consequently, Baragwanath is able to encourage Victorians to not only resist the proposal due to their desire to protect such an integral part of their community, but also resist such a motive that is purely for profit.
Just one body and no concl atm! Will value all feedback!
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Well done on the analysis :D You have a very clear grip on argument and contention, which is fantastic. Most of the time your structure is also very strong, moving seamlessly between the "what", "how" and "why." To take the analysis to the next level, try and work on punchy sentences. Not only will this draw emphasis to your analysis, but it should also clear up the occasional clunky expressions in your piece. Keep up the great work!
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