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English Standard AOS- Discovery

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clovvy:
To make assist a lot easier, I'll probably post my related here and the analysis
SpoilerFinding Myself – A Poem About the Journey of Self Discovery

The search for truth keeps me
Trekking across uncharted lands
And diving under unventured seas
Where I find myself alone,
Without the comfort of familiarity.

I have walked out onto the plank too far
To not take the plunge –
Bound myself in the shackles of curiosity
And distanced myself from past experiences
And previous peers.
I was once a jolly pirate,
But am now the prisoner
They push overboard and feed to the sharks.

But I must listen to the call of my heart –
The call that won’t let me live content
Following worn paths walked by countless others,
Taking the road society says leads to success.
I wish it wasn’t so…
It would be much easier
If I could distract myself from meaning,
From searching for the answers to this string of thoughts
Unraveling in my mind, but I cannot.

I can’t look upon the forest
In the midst of spring,
Watch the birds rest atop
The branches at the break of dawn,
Or feel the wind breathe across my face
Without the taste of some eternal truth
Lingering on the tip of my tongue,
Reminding me of a magic I felt
During days when I was young,
Some glorious mystery that awakens
My taste buds and makes them yearn for more.

I am a seeker,
Seeking beauty, seeking truth.
And to deny myself the journey of self discovery
For the sake of comfort
Is a travesty of my heart
And of the one who created it.

It’s never easy to abandon the crowds,
Leave the pack,
And become a lone wolf,
But by keeping the status quo
You’ll never find the piece of yourself
You’ve been missing all your life –
The piece of you that you’ve been afraid to acknowledge,
The piece of you that connects you to your destiny,
The piece of your puzzle that fits perfectly into place
Forming a beautiful portrait,
And the piece of you that makes you come alive.

It’s time.
You’re ready.
Share the real you
With the world.

-Poem Written by Justin Farley

rasha25:

--- Quote from: clovvy on January 10, 2018, 11:36:41 am ---The question for this one is 'An individual's discoveries and their process of discovering can vary according to contexts and values. How is this represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?'.... Now I want to edit it again for my half yearly where the question is not given to me... and I was told that I am supposed to start with my core text first before my related (as in body 1 and 3 core and 2 and 4 related for comparison)

--- End quote ---

Hello there, so based on the question I read your essay and gave some feedback. I think overall its a good attempt but there are areas of improvement in terms of structure, style and clarity. I am not a teacher nor am I a professional marker, my feedback is solely based on my experience as a student and the feedback/teaching presented to me during school. Hope its helpful in anyway, if you have any questions feel free to ask me  :)

clovvy:

--- Quote from: rasha25 on January 11, 2018, 01:20:09 am ---Hello there, so based on the question I read your essay and gave some feedback. I think overall its a good attempt but there are areas of improvement in terms of structure, style and clarity. I am not a teacher nor am I a professional marker, my feedback is solely based on my experience as a student and the feedback/teaching presented to me during school. Hope its helpful in anyway, if you have any questions feel free to ask me  :)

--- End quote ---

the attachment is in fact just my essay, I don't see any feedback? (I am still editing my essay and I will get it done sometime today)

clovvy:
It seems that I can't keep my own words -_- as I promised myself to finish off yesterday (which did not happen).... anyway I am struggling with the first paragraph.... reason being I keep retelling stories without really going into depth on the significance of Gow's idead in terms of discovery.... I have removed a lot of quotes where it is a retell but I don't really know how to replace it (I have also shortened my introduction and removed any ideas that I find 'unnecessary'. so far this is what I've done which is not much

Spoiler The multifaceted nature and process of discovery is defined through one's own experiences presented by their own context. In doing so, the value of individuality shapes their perspectives on relationships and viewpoint on reality. In Michael Gow’s play ‘Away’ and Justin Farley’s ‘Finding myself’ the aspects of interpersonal and intrapersonal discovery is explored through political and social contexts that develops or confront one’s perspective and understanding of the micro and macro world around them which lead to self-discovery and emotional discovery of one’s self and discovery may change a person as a result.

Discovery is defined through one’s own experiences presented by their social and political context. In Gow’s play ‘Away’, both social and political discovery is encompassed through the characters experiences in the play. Gwen is a prime example of how discovery could challenge one’s micro-perspective. Gwen is shown to have a bossy character and she is dominant to her husband Jim, which defies the perceptions of women in the political and social context of the 1960’s. Gow exhibits a contrast of Gwen’s aggressive, obnoxious nature before she discovers a sense of revitalisation and rejuvenation. Gwen’s transformation is first seen after the storm. Her sense of materialism declined as her possessions have been washed away and destroyed.  The storm acts as a source of Gwen’s realisation of what is indeed important, as it metaphorically ‘washes away’ her issues. Tom acts as the catalyst for the final stage of Gwen’s transformation. Gwen spoke to Vic and discovers his condition she opens her mind and through self-discovery realises how precious her loved ones are. As a result, Gwen is now more aware of the way she has treated others shown in her conversation with Jim, “What do you think of me? You must hate me? Why do you still bother? I’m sorry” which indicate Gwen’s realization her callousness and deficiency in empathy. The combination of the storm and Tom confronts Gwen’s perspective of materialism and as a result changes her micro perspectives and discover a new way to live.



 

Opengangs:
Hey there, don't worry. We're here to guide you!

Your introduction and first paragraph will be in the spoiler attached.

Introduction and first paragraphThe multifaceted nature and process of discovery is defined through one's own experiences presented by their own context. In doing so, the value of individuality shapes their perspectives on relationships and viewpoint on reality. In Michael Gow’s play ‘Away’ and Justin Farley’s ‘Finding Myself’, the aspects of interpersonal and intrapersonal discovery is explored through political and social contexts that (is) develop(ed through) or confront one’s perspective and understanding of the micro and macro world around them which lead to self-discovery and emotional discovery of one’s self and discovery may change a person as a result. (This sentence is really weirdly worded, in that it has too many ideas working in itself. Consider breaking it down into one main idea for your introduction. Another sentence referencing the audience should help to enclose this otherwise decent introduction. Of course, throughout the year, we'll be working closely on how you can elevate your flair.)

Discovery is defined through one’s own experiences presented by their social and political context. (Give us a new insight; you seem to have repeated yourself from the introduction. Your topic sentence should provide a new perspective on the question, supporting your thesis) In Gow’s play ‘Away’, both social and political discovery is encompassed through the character's experiences in the play. Gwen is a prime example of how discovery could challenge one’s micro-perspective. Gwen is shown to have a bossy character and she is dominant to her husband Jim, which defies the perceptions of women in the political and social context of the 1960’s. (Reword it so that it doesn't seem messy) Gow exhibits a contrast of Gwen’s aggressive, obnoxious nature before she discovers a sense of revitalisation and rejuvenation. Gwen’s transformation is first seen after the storm. Her sense of materialism declined as her possessions have been washed away and destroyed. (You're focusing too heavily on the transformation the character makes; try to think deeper into composer and the audience's perspective, rather than the character) The storm acts as a source of (to) Gwen’s realisation of what is indeed important, as it metaphorically ‘washes away’ her issues. Tom acts as the catalyst for the final stage of Gwen’s transformation. Gwen spoke to Vic and discovers his condition she opens her mind and through self-discovery realises how precious her loved ones are. As a result, Gwen is now more aware of the way she has treated others shown in her conversation with Jim, “What do you think of me? You must hate me? Why do you still bother? I’m sorry” which indicate Gwen’s realization her callousness and deficiency in empathy. The combination of the storm and Tom confronts Gwen’s perspective of materialism and as a result changes her micro perspectives and discover a new way to live.(There's still quite a lot of retelling going on)

A lot better than your earlier attempt, and I can see that you're trying to get rid of retelling. The main problem now is that you're focusing too heavily on how the characters are transforming rather than the composer and audience. Since you focus on the texts themselves, it becomes really easy to start retelling the plot.

Your goal now is to shift from a text-focused approach to a more concept-focused approach. You shouldn't be placing so much emphasis on how the characters change but rather on how we respond to these changes. Why is it significant? And then, what literary devices are employed by the composer to explore this notion?

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