English Advanced Related Text

[Yong123]

Related Text: The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

There is no question.

[Opengangs]

Hi, Yong123.

Sure thing! The analysis with comments is inside the spoiler tag.

Analysis (marked)

In the novel, the discovery that Hassan is Amir’s half-brother causes Amir to perceive his relationship with Hassan differently. The relationship between Hassan and Amir is very complicated. (Unnecessary; it doesn't add anything to the argument) Contrasting Hassan believing that Amir was his “best friend” and Amir believing that Hassan was his “servant”, pathos is evoked within the audience as Hassan’s naivety and innocence is exploited. Evidently Amir mistreats Hassan, and ultimately the event that motivates Amir’s path of redemption is when he witnesses the rape of Hassan. (You're focusing too much on the text itself; there's not enough analysis on the ideas of discovery) The guilty tone in Amir’s confession, “Hassan knew. He knew I’d seen everything in that alley…and done nothing” shows the development within Amir’s character because of the guilt he carries for Hassan, despite Hassan being his “servant”. After the discovery that Hassan was Amir’s half-brother, Amir realises the wrong doings of his past, knowing that he should have treated Hassan as an equal and not as a “servant”. Through the use of asyndeton in “I was a liar, a cheat, and a thief” Amir accepts his past self and becomes a worthier character. The phrase, “For you, a thousand times over” recurs twice, spoken by Hassan at the beginning of the novel and by Amir at the end. This particular structure allows the audience to view the changed perception Amir has of his relationship with Hassan. By repeating a phrase spoken by Hassan initially, Amir has fully accepted Hassan into his life as an equal. Therefore through the emotional discovery that caused Amir’s guilt, his perception of Hassan changed from as a “servant” to as a “brother.” (The analysis places a heavy emphasis on the characters and their development rather than the concepts of discovery, which is the main focus of the module. Furthermore, you're sacrificing analysis for textual evidence. You will need to balance the two out when redrafting your essays.)

Amir’s rediscovery and reverse journey into Afghanistan causes his perception of the world and others to change. The shock and confrontation of the juxtaposing landscapes is immediately apparent. From his “two storey house in America” and his “books and novels”, (This is much better; your ability to integrate the quotes into your analysis shows strong language control.) Amir returns to the world where “the carcass of an old burned-out Soviet tank,” preface the poverty of “women in burqas” in a “string of mud houses”. (Watch out. You're still sacrificing analysis for textual evidence.) The palpable experience immediately changes his sense of naivety, from the romantic, “Afghanistan would always be a part of him”, to the displacement metaphor that, “[he] was always a tourist here”. Likewise, a profound process of discovery and re-discovery is enabled through the motif of flying a Kite. The personification of the kites through “their paper-bird-flapping-its-wings sound” is key to expressing the ‘new world’ and the ‘open spaces’ that are catalysed by this symbolism, synonymous with leaving behind the familiar and entering profound new elevation, that of a free, “mind [that] drifted with the kites.”  Therefore through Amir’s journey back to Afghanistan, and his re-discovery of Afghan traditions, it leads his renewed and profound acknowledgement of himself and his relation to the nation he left behind as a child. (I really like the way you've woven textual evidence in with your analysis. That's one of the key facets to a Band 6 essay. However, you're still sacrificing analysis for these quotes. Consider using less quotes, and more emphasis on these quotes to discovery.)

Mark: 8/15
General feedback:
Paragraph 1
You're not the only one and definitely won't be the last person to do this. Avoid focusing on the text themselves but rather the concepts of discovery. This is one of the biggest issues with the Area of Study essays. When you do analyse a text, don't consider the text at its surface. Each text, independent of medium, is a lot more than just the plot and its characters. Think about the way the composers construct their texts: the language forms, the structure, and the construction of ideas within the text. Think of discovery as the forefront idea behind each text, and then consider the characterisation. How subtle is the discovery throughout the text? Or, does it cause a sequence of events to occur? When you begin to ponder about these questions, then it becomes easier to discuss discovery at a conceptual level.

Make sure what you're writing is relevant and appropriate to the point you're trying to make. Don't write sentences for the sake of it, and don't have textual evidence for the sake of having more quotes. Think about why we should care about it, and how this quote helps to support what you're trying to argue. Otherwise, you begin to skip around with your analysis, losing the marker's interest.

Paragraph 2
I really like the way you've introduced your ideas in paragraph 2, but the analysis is still lacking in terms of substance. Again, you're placing too much emphasis on textual evidence and not enough on analysing the significance of these quotes in terms of its relation to discovery. Make sure your quotes are supporting your argument.

But I really like the way you've integrated your quotes with the analysis; it's efficient.

What to do next:
Go back to reading your text and see if you can draw out any deeper ideas about discovery within your text. Make sure what you're trying to argue is related to the quotes you find. Think about the text in its macro form (structure, construction, and language forms) and how this further elucidates ideas of discovery through its relationship with micro techniques (simile, metaphor, personification, etc).