Uni Stuff > The University Journey Journal

A turtle's exploration of the world of science & leadership

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Bri MT:
R U OK day update
one thing I'm grateful for: It's hard to limit myself to one thing,  but today I'm grateful for the atarnotes community.  I think it's petty amazing that we've united from across multiple states and incredibly varying backgrounds and ambitions to support each others education. You guys lift me up,  and have helped me believe in myself. I'm grateful to be here.

I'm grateful for everyone who has been trusting and open enough to tell others about their journeys, and remind us all that we aren't alone.  Sometimes I see facets of my experiences in your journals and it helps me - I'm not sure how or why.

One thing I'm working on to improve my wellbeing:
I'm learning to say "no" to opportunities if I don't have time for them,  which helps reduce my stress.

where I'm at:
I've been very stressed and anxious recently,  and have had some periods of low mood. I suspect I'm somewhere around the "mental health problem" bit of the spectrum. (mentally healthy> mental health problem > mental health disorder.) That being said,  I feel like I'm getting better at using coping strategies and being resilient. I think that next week will be better than this one,  (and the week after that will be midsemester break!) and that next year will be better than this year.  That alone tells me that I'm going better than some of the places my headspace has been in the past - I've been experiencing an upwards trend (although sometimes it zigzags) for several years now,  which is a great position to be in. 

A big part of that change has been from learning to trust and open up to people again.  I'm still someone who will say "I'm ok" when I'm a mess,  but sometimes now I'll expand on that and explain where I'm really at and what's been on my mind.  I'll always be grateful for the friends, teachers,  and counsellor who helped me with this.


Best of luck to all of you on your mental health journeys - and if you ever want/need to reach out to someone about your mental space (stressed, panicky,  down, suicidal... anything) I'm here .  I would also strongly encourage you to reach out to a professional - especially for emergency situations such as being (or being worried about a friend being) suicidal. 

Bri MT:
Correction to my previous post: I meant 8:45 / 20:45

Hey,

It's midsem break - which I really needed.

I have a bit of a love/dislike relationship with maths in that maths is my lowest scoring subject but also the one that I'm learning the most in. It stresses me out, because although I'm passing all my assessments I'm used to getting higher scores than I'm seeing here, and the assignments require a lot of work. I handed in an assignment on Thursday and I've got another one to complete over midsem. Hopefully I continue to learn from them and maybe even get better at them.


--- Quote from: miniturtle on September 07, 2018, 06:29:51 pm ---In chem we've recently been working on an IDEA (student-led) lab activity.  In the first week of it we were given a white powder and instructed to figure out what it was.  This was by spending "chemistry dollars" on our choice of IR, spectroscopy etc. Then we confirmed the presence of functional groups using wet tests (mixing w/ chemicals, heating, pH testing etc.). This week we then synthesised that compound.  I've been working with a good group of people and enjoyed this activity the most out of our labs; hopefully we do ok in the write-up.

--- End quote ---

Yeah, I'm happy with this.

I thought I wouldn't like inorganic chemistry as much, but it has actually been pretty good/interesting so far - and I can also see this knowledge being useful in the future. I think that's part of my problem with maths - I know I'm not doing anymore units after 1030 and can't really see the future applications yet.

Enviro bio has been it's dependable self. It's sad to see the unit drawing to a close, but also great that we have (very briefly) looked at stats in bio. I want to get to the point in my uni life where I'm expected to know, for example,  what a t-test is and how to calculate p-values. After all, isn't quantifying uncertainty a key component of science?    Especially in a field such as conservation where variable control is very difficult.

Impact through science has been hectic but good. Global leaders week was challenging (three leadership dialogues in one week!), which is part of why I was stressed during my last entry, but also very valuable. I feel like I'm starting to get a grip on this whole "networking" thing. We had our last student led seminar (homework for the team running it, in class for everyone) and critical thinking task (homework) last week, so it'll be interesting to see what happens next. I am very aware of how close week 12 - and therefore leadership quest submission - is, and a bit apprehensive about that. We'll see how it goes.


In other news, I ran for a position on next year's mass^3 committee and got it (so we have no 1st year rep anymore because I can't hold two positions at once, but I get to stick around for a while longer). We've got two 1st year GC students on the committee now, and we'll get another 1st year co-ordinator next year, which means we'll have pretty good GC representation.
There are also a couple of 1st year GC students presenting at the mass^2 event on Monday, and hopefully that also increases the inter-course connections between GC and research

Bri MT:

Unit planning
I've decided that I won't take the marine biology unit (and a prereq for it) so that I have space to do more maths.  I still like biology and want to be a marine biologist but the thought of dropping maths given how much I've been learning was sitting very uncomfortably with me.  I'm also of the view that to be a good scientist I should better at maths than I currently am. 

    I've also realised that a unit I want to take next year - Biological Chrmistry - has BIO1022 (standard bio, which I left for enviro bio) as a prerequisite. I'm confident that I have the necessary level of biology understanding (last week I was helping a friend understand their BIO1022 content and before I left the content was prior knowledge).  I'm just going to put the unit in the enrolment system & hope it works. If it doesn't,  I'll talk to the coordinator and try to convince them.

Access Monash Mentoring
I've finished all of my mentoring and said goodbye to the students and staff.  I was really lucky to get a school with good students and a great teacher.
SpoilerThey bought boxes of cchocolate for us and I didn't have the heart to tell them I was vegan so I passed them onto the Global Challenges unit co-ordinator since her role to us students is similar in some ways to my role for the year 9s/10s
It seems strange to think that that's all done,  and that next year I'll most likely be doing VCE mentoring.

SCI1502 - Impact Through Science
Even more strange to think that I've had my last GC class for the year. We bought gifts for Djuke (GC co-ordinator) and had our presentations on our leadership quests.  I'm incredibly proud of my course-mates and what they've achieved.  Not only in the real world,  but in terms of personal development.
things people have been working on- sustainable fashion (environment)
- Starting their own ethical clothes business (environment/human rights)
- Starting their own biochar buisiness (environment)
- Starting their own bike servicing business  (environment/health)
- facilitating effective altruism (empowerment)
- permaculture (environment)
- foreign aid (human rights)
- art therapy (mental health)
- menstrual taboo (environment/empowering)
- marine conservation research (environment)
- marine conservation outreach (environment)
- life skills/communication (empowering)
- breaking the impossible (empowering)
- mental health (empowering)
- student sleep deficit (empowering)
- sustainability at Monash (environment)
- composting at Monash (environment)
- STEM SES gap (social justice) <- me
- science in primary schools (empowering)
- attention economy (empowering)
- plastic pollution (environment)
- combating perfectionism (empowering)
- affordable sign language classes @ monash (empowering/social justice)
- influencing identity to enact change (environment/social justice/human rights)
Next year we'll all be running our own buisinesses which, to me,  is a bit intimidating.  I'll definitely be working on that during the holidays (would love to get it running in December but that's a bit optimistic). Crazy to think where I was a year ago and where I'll be next year in terms of this stuff.

The STEM camp I'm planning is on the agenda for school council tomorrow so fingers crossed for that.  I've started collecting details of undergraduate STEM students who want to volunteer for it & an email has gone out to teachers.  Really glad that we've settled on the dates - so much easier to plan now.

Exams
I had my advanced chemistry exam today & it didn't feel very advanced - the practice exams were significantly more difficult. I'm still glad for the revision I did,  because I have a much better unattractive and knowledge of some of the concepts than I did a week ago. Me being me, I'll have foolish errors scattered throughout it but hopefully my score is alright.
    I'm glad that I've conditioned myself to feel energetic and positive on exam mornings - probably one of the better decisions I made in VCE. I'm not sure yet how I'll adjust that for my math exam being at 6pm,  but I'm sure I'll manage.
   I've got no more exams this week so I'll be doing lots of preperation for maths (and a little bit of bio prep). I've also signed up to help with a highschool tour of Monash & I plan on attending some of the GC honours presentations. 

That's all from me for the moment.  I've had some ups and downs in my mental space but seeing the year 12s stressing reminds me to have perspective.  I was so stressed about my scores, then I achieved the ATAR I wanted and it didn't feel significant anyway.  I've tried to take more of a "learning, not achieving" approach to uni & I think I'm getting better at that.

Best of luck

Bri MT:
I think it's fair to say I've spent a more time on VCE exams than my uni exams this week, but I'm pretty confident that I'll get alright scores and am happy to have made that decision. That does, however, leave a bit of a conundrum on what this entry should be about.

I guess some basic updates:
Last Friday I left my laptop charger behind at an event after loaning it to someone and not remembering to request it back. I got it back today, which was great but also I spent more than 3 hours travelling to have less than 5 minutes at uni.
On Monday I attended a math revision session & I didn't ask any questions because my practice exam attempt was on my laptop (so I didn't know what questions I had strugggled with) but it was good to go anyway. I studied with a friend afterwards & I'm definitely feeling more comfortable with the exam now.
In the end I didn't attend any of the honours presentations :( but if I really want to find out more I could always contact some of them and ask about it - the higher year levels of GC have always been very supportive of us first years.

As for the rest of this entry, this is going to be less course-focused and more personal so feel free to skip :)
I wasn't quite sure what to focus this section on, but in the end I picked my maths journey since it's somewhat relevant to VCE students now
probably more backstory than really warranted in thisLike many kids I suppose, I liked being around my mum. So when she was studying (accounting) at home, I would often be sitting next to her & in my boredom I would play with the scientific calculator on the table - trying to make sentences from  "sin" "cos" "tan" "log" etc. Sometimes I'd ask what particular things meant, and depending on the difficulty mum might explain it to me.

I guess this is why when I was doing maths in primary school it never seemed threatening or scary. I associated only positive memories with it with it (except for that time I only got 39/40 on a maths test and broke down crying in front of my classmates (I was that student) ) and it wasn't very difficult. Overtime I got used to making more mistakes, and English was my strongest subject, but rarely if ever did I have difficulty understanding maths concepts. Teachers said they'd deliver extended work but well, teachers have multiple classes and a range of students in each class. They never got around to it. I was frequently frustrated by the slow pace of school mathematics & felt that many years had been wasted not learning anything. So when the advanced maths class for year 10 maths clashed with units 1&2 of biology, I talked the school into letting me take biology and attend a standard math class, but I'd learn and be assessed on the advanced content through teaching myself & getting the other class' tests.

That worked out ok, but then when I started units 1&2 of methods next year I didn't know how to ask for help. Afterall, wouldn't it be hypocritical of me to not easily understand all of the concepts when I'd been complaining about school maths being easy? I'd been learning without a teacher in the previous year, so why couldn't I just do that this year? In the final exam we had, I didn't use a summary book and I borrowed someone else's CAS 10 minutes before the exam started yet scored 100%. That settled it then, I didn't actually need help or ask questions when it came to maths - I could do it all on my own.

At the start of next year I talked to a friend who also had aptitude for maths. We agreed that it didn't matter which one of us got dux (since we assumed it'd most likely be one of us) because we'd both do well on the exam anyway. Throughout the year I encouraged them to study and prepare for SACs, we worked through problems together, worked out short cuts and coded programs to use on our CASs. They still didn't do nearly as much practice as me, but this was someone who had learnt some VCE math content in year 8 for fun.

When it came time for the first SAC I had already completed all of the relevant questions in Checkpoints and felt quite confident. That changed. My teacher, it turned out, had a knack for creating problems more difficult than even MAV. Some of the questions were very reasonable, but my confidence shattered like glass and I couldn't think. I needed the answer from part a) to complete the rest of the question - but the solve function and my mind just weren't cutting it. Towards the end I finally figured it out, and rushed the rest of the questions; but not before breaking down in class when the teacher noticed me staring at the front page and asked if I was ok. At that point I wasn't even seeing the question, I was seeing my future rushing away from me. If I couldn't even do remotely well on this first SAC, then why should I do well in methods at all? I wouldn't. And I was confident so my other subjects I was confident in? Nope. I must be destined to perform poorly in those as well. My future seemed written in stone - I would be the great disapointment who showed a spark of potential and self-immolated in it. I got 53% on that SAC - my first SAC of year 12 (not the kind of thing you usually hear from people who got 98 ATARs but it's the type of thing you should probably hear more often).

After that SAC, I struggled to believe in my mathematical ability but was still too stubborn and self-concious to ask for help. I would answer questions well in class and when it came to the SACs I would be consumed by doubt and forgetfulness - which resulted in making a lot of "stupid errors". Over the course of the year it became clear that my aforementioned friend would get rank 1, despite me explaining concepts or questions to them more commonly than the reverse.


 In the revision lectures I went to I was the one answering questions, and a lecturer (not AN this was a school organised one) told me I'd probably get 45+. (That would've been nice.) Finally it was exam 1 day. I'd completed lots of practice exams and learnt from them, so I was getting around 100% on exam one and a bit lower on exam 2. I walked into the year 12 study room to wish people good luck and my friend/rank 1 told me I was going to be annoyed at them. I learnt that they had not done any preperation. That they had only written a sentence in their english exam, and were "screwed already so why bother trying". 

They were wrong - "annoyed" wasn't the most accurate description of my emotions at that point in time.

I worked my way through the exam, and attempted the last question early so I knew how to pace myself for the rest of the exam. My answer didn't work with VCAAs graph (it was actually the right answer, VCAAs graph was just weird) so I crossed it out and tried again. And again. And again. And in that moment, the graph was almost like the graph at the start of my first maths SAC.

This is not a story where I get a 45+ study score for methods. Because I didn't. I only got a B+ on that exam - and that alone would have been enough to make 45+ impossible.

This is a story about how I went home and cried, realising that my study score wouldn't amount to what maybe it could have been. Realising that my SAC scores would be low and probably my exam 1 score as well. It's a story about after hours of failing to do anything remotely productive I practiced math problems through my tears until they went away. I did better on exam 2 than exam 1.

When I got my ATAR my main reaction was disapointment at my methods score - I scored a C+ for my SACs.
It meant I would never tutor methods. It meant I wasn't a maths person. It meant I was less than I thought I was.
I'm not usually a vindicative person, but I was glad that rank 1 didn't dux methods

In my sem 1 maths subject, MTH1020, I cruised at the start and stopped putting in any reasonable effort in towards the end (I got bored because the content felt too easy and familiar). I still got a decent score, but it was certainly less than my potential. In my sem 2 maths subject MTH1030 I have not been cruising. I've been reminding myself that I'm here to learn - not to already know everything.

Now when I look at my maths scores, it means I'm learning. I'm trying. And so what if I don't full-mark the exam? That's just a reminder that I can keep learning and making progress.

It has taken a while, but my methods score doesn't mean all that much to me now. Maybe it was even a good thing - maybe without wanting to "prove myself" after methods I wouldn't have taken MTH1030 and wouldn't have the opportunity to do more maths next year.


The takeaways for year 12s reading this:
- it's ok if your  exam 1 desn't go as well as planned, there's always exam 2
- it's ok if your study score isn't what you wanted it to be
- it's ok if you feel a whole bunch of emotions about it anyway
- those emotions change overtime
- it's healthy to let go a bit of wanting to look smart / not wanting to look unintelligent


Best of luck to all of you :)

(questions are allowed if you ever have them)

AngelWings:

--- Quote from: miniturtle on November 06, 2018, 09:53:23 pm ---On Monday I attended a math revision session & I didn't ask any questions because my practice exam attempt was on my laptop (so I didn't know what questions I had strugggled with) but it was good to go anyway. I studied with a friend afterwards & I'm definitely feeling more comfortable with the exam now.
In the end I didn't attend any of the honours presentations :( but if I really want to find out more I could always contact some of them and ask about it - the higher year levels of GC have always been very supportive of us first years.

--- End quote ---
I'm sure these Honours students would be more than happy to discuss their presentations; I know I would.

Also, with regards to MTH1030 (I assume by the tense you're finishing with it soon), it might be comforting to know that I've been down that rabbit hole before and struggled in that unit too. You're not alone in that mentality, but, as you said, it's definitely a humbling experience to really learn more than anything.

Good luck with the rest of your exams. :)

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