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AOS Essay Marking (Interstellar/A.S.H.O.N.E)

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dermite:
Hi Everyone,

I have written a first draft for my AOS discovery essay, and was looking for some community feedback. I personally feel that it is not up to the mark, but I dont know where to improve, as essays aren't my strong point (they're my weakest point).

I also think that I have written too much (word count is too high). Please let me know what you think, and if it is too much, suggest areas where I can cut down on information.

Thanks in advance, and good luck!

P.S. -> I used the 2016 HSC Qn

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