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English Advanced: Area of study essay

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Basilia:
Hi I was wondering if I could get some feedback on this essay, would be greatly appreciated.

jamonwindeyer:
Welcome to the forums Basilia ;D

A few pointers for you:

- Your analysis is a little too text focused. Take this excerpt:

As Prospero is confronted with his enemies, about to complete his revenge plot, Ariel causes him to question his humanity, stating his ‘affections would become tender’ if he ‘were human’. As Ariel uncovers this reality previously hidden and concealed by anger and frustration, Prospero ultimately reassesses his revenge plot and comes to the personal discovery that ‘the rarer action is/In virtue than in vengeance’ where antithesis illustrates his decision to ‘pardon’ his enemies and abandon his deliberate manipulation, receiving enlightenment and the value of mercy which juxtaposes his initial value and necessity for revenge.

    See how much of this is just restating what happens in the text, and talking about the characters? You need to shift to instead saying, "Okay, the composer has used this technique, and this shows the audience ___________ about Discovery. The characters should actually only play a very minor role, the focus should be on the conceptual! It is easy to tell that you are too text focused because you don't mention the composer, Shakespeare, anywhere in the paragraph!

- The excerpt above also highlights that your sentence structure is a little off in places, sometimes too long! Read your essay aloud, listen for where you pause and put a comma, listen for where you take a breath and put a full stop ;D

- I appreciate that you are consistently attaching techniques to your quotes/references, great work there! Try to go a step further, what does the technique accomplish? Why use a close up? Is it to establish empathy, arouse anger, allow analysis of smaller details, etc? Consider the composers intentions ;D

- I see how you are stepping through the Discoveries made by your characters, try and link these to greater/more intricate Discovery concepts that can apply to the audience. More similar to what is in your Thesis - This will have the added benefit of giving your paragraphs greater conceptual clarity :)

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