HSC Stuff > The HSC Journey Journal
HSC Journal- The Final Years of School
clovvy:
I noticed that now I can focus on one thing at a time much better than before.... This will assist me with anything in the long run.... When I choose to relax and not think about exams, I was able to do that just fine this time around... Also one of the biggest regrets is that I chose to ditch my family and relationships over marks and ATAR, but didn't help because of severe anxiety that causes it and mental health issues that ultimately impacts my performances... Whilst I am somewhat interested with the fields that I listed, the reasons behind why I list them is to cover up my true intentions behind these ATARs, only for revenge, fulfill my anger built up over the duration of 3 years, proving something to someone who put me down severely at one point, and to prove that I don't need God and I will be doing just fine without these bullcrap... And all of these seemed to be shattered... I cut my ties with the church that supports me (A lot of backstory come into this, I don't want to talk about it)..
Now with all these gone, I am not even sure for what reason I am doing this, why I am aiming for these atars to begin with, and why do I want to get into uni? I think I am way too childish and I have not matured at all over the past years.. I am turning 18 5 days after my final hsc exam, but I am not ready to go out to the real world just yet.... I wonder who ever thought about this?
fantasticbeasts3:
Hi clovvy!
Can I just say it's been so great reading your journey -- you've come so far since just a few months ago. :-) Mindset is everything throughout the HSC and it's been so good to see you're leaning towards positivity lately. Well done!
This is a bit of a loaded question but do you know what kind of career you want? I know it's hard but revenge shouldn't be at the forefront of getting a good ATAR. The most important thing is you do it for yourself, and that leads back into career. Uni is one pathway to a career, so your ATAR aim should feed into your future, you get me? A bit on the maturity thing too -- I can relate. As a first-year uni student looking back on the HSC, I don't think you need to worry a lot about that. You kinda do it as you go and life is a learning process anyway! :-)
All the best :-)
clovvy:
--- Quote from: fantasticbeasts3 on September 08, 2018, 09:49:53 pm ---Hi clovvy!
Can I just say it's been so great reading your journey -- you've come so far since just a few months ago. :-) Mindset is everything throughout the HSC and it's been so good to see you're leaning towards positivity lately. Well done!
This is a bit of a loaded question but do you know what kind of career you want? I know it's hard but revenge shouldn't be at the forefront of getting a good ATAR. The most important thing is you do it for yourself, and that leads back into career. Uni is one pathway to a career, so your ATAR aim should feed into your future, you get me? A bit on the maturity thing too -- I can relate. As a first-year uni student looking back on the HSC, I don't think you need to worry a lot about that. You kinda do it as you go and life is a learning process anyway! :-)
All the best :-)
--- End quote ---
The truth is, I don't really know what I wanted to do next... Although I have expressed interest in the stem field mainly.... Jobwise I am not sure, careerwise I am not sure either...
clovvy:
The last weeks of school felt painful so I decided to miss out classes and deliberately not attend school during clap outs... There are no photos of me during the last days of school either... Since I have been convinced to at least attend graduation dinner, I gave it a crack.. It was honestly one of the most painful times for me... I only sat with people that I am relatively closer with at school, and while everyone is enjoying themselves as it is their final days together, I on the other hand was in despair but I did not show it.... While I look at the award list.. I did get one for coming 2nd in 4U.. But to me this is nothing to be proud of or anything excellent.... When they announce the first Bach of who became dux of school etc, I left the event midway without saying a single word to anyone, as I walked with anger, pain and severe disappointments inside... It was a terrible night for me... I did not take any of my awards at the end of the day...
Today I ended blocking people from my school on my contact list as means to disable them from asking for my atar.. In total I have blocked 40 of my school mates...
clovvy:
Well HSC holidays... Pastpaper spams, and answering forum questions with my best ability, sometimes only to relieve stress based on my own problems.. Getting likes on my responses do feel good and it is like a band-aid from my own emotional pain...
But what's more important is saving as much marks as possible in HSC, as well as try to NOT worry about ATAR until my very last exam... Although anxiety is very badly triggered, and I have so many instanced where I just want to quit HSC altogether... Sometimes there is that tiny bit of hope that I can at least scrap 90.00 ATAR that I would be content with (not impressed with but content with)... I have received all the help that I can so I really want to make sure that I don't waste them..
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