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2018 AA Club - Week 7

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clarke54321:

--- Quote from: Anonymous on February 13, 2018, 06:13:10 pm ---So I wrote a body paragraph for this topic. I would appreciate some feedback.

The AFLW league requiresto avoid subjective statements like this, you need to precede the assertion with the name of the author. If there is no specified author, use writer. changes in order for it to be continuous and that temporary fixes will only lead it to its failure nice argument. First of allseems a bit list-y the AFL suggestion of “changing in game style” makes speculative. Try neutral verbs like, encourages/attempts/strives/positions, to remain focused on what is an intended effect]the readers assume that there is an issuehow do we come to such a conclusion? That is, how is the language used to persuade? with the game. This is furthermore reinforced by the AFLW being “under-resourced, the athletes are part time” <---before moving on, dissect this language and its implications..It also suggests that there is a “quick fix” This positions the reader to believe that this matter can be easily fixed and so they should be more receptive to a solution? Tease it out fully.. However “the show is improved for the next game” makesspeculative the reader assume that this fix is only temporary and that the same problems will still be there every week nice. Hence the audience's impression of the AFLW  is that the league has problems that may be solved for a brief amount of time and not in the long term meaning what? We should foster the AFLW's development in a more nurturing sense?.


--- End quote ---

Well done on the AA paragraph! You have a great understanding of argument, and how to expand on this throughout your piece (fluctuating between textual evidence and reader effect). However, I strongly encourage you to follow the what, how and why structure more closely.

What- evidence? The basis of discussion. The language in its simplest form.
How- what is it specifically about this language that provokes a reaction? Implications/suggestions/intimations.
Why- what is the corresponding reader effect? What is the writer trying to achieve with their persuasive language.

All the best :)

Anonymous:
Thank you :)

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