General Discussion > Accountability and Motivation
Poet's Well-being Journal
Poet:
Hey all.
I’m really in a bad place today. Don’t even know what I’m doing here, tbh. I went downhill like a penguin on ice after I got home last night and I’m just doing my best to hold on and give myself time and a place where I can’t do anything I might regret later (that means sitting at the kitchen table all. Damn. Day).
It’s really hard, though, and I’m not able to eat anything either. I feel like a wilting flower.
Existential Poet is back as well. Yay for her. So here’s something that’s been buzzing around in my mind for a little while (literally).
Atoms.
Only 5 letters to make up our universe. And even those simple 5 letters are made up of atoms.
The word is such a short one, but so full of meaning. So full of everything.
Atoms make up the world we live in. They make up our houses, our food, our families, us. But they are never seen. We can only guess what an atom looks like; it is silent, it is mostly space, it is what gives us life. But atoms are not sentient. It’s not like they care about being a part of life, the breath that fills our lungs, the blood in our veins, the clouds and the rain. It’s just what they do. It amazes me that a substance so much a part of everything can be ignorant of the fact that it… is.
Maybe we are like that. You know, us humans tend to be selfish and ignorant. Not in a bad way, of course – maybe the better word is naďve – but we all just float about like atoms or scuttle about like ants, following the pheromone trail to whatever destination we believe can give us the best chance of survival.
A lot of us, however, are more like atoms than ants. At least ants know to carry their food back to the nest to feed the colony and look after the next generation. At least ants know to guard their homes and stay loyal to their queen until the day of their death. Atoms have no mind, no instinct. They just drift until they are caught up with billions and trillions more, making something so beautiful. Something they will never see for themselves, for they have no eyes, no ears, no minds and no soul.
So then, where does our soul come from? The personality, the higher level of thought, the emotion and the sympathy. The love and the laughter. The pain and the hate. We are so much more than base creatures like ants, beautiful though they are. So, should we not act like it?
The world around us is dying. We are dying, slowly but surely. And we, like simple atoms that make up a whole, are ignorant of the role we play in it. It’s like so many of us don’t even have eyes – can we not see the torture our world is going through? Can we not see the impact our inventions and explorations have on the place we call home?
I watched a documentary a couple nights ago on NASA and the journey to Mars. The people who spoke in favour of the Mars exploration initiative made comments on finding a “new world” for us to populate. But this could never be the case – it should never be the case. Instead of pushing forward to the very limits of space, wondrous as it is, we should be working to conserve and protect what we already have. Earth is a piece of careful glass-work found in the gutter – so random, so fragile, and a one-in-a-trillion gem. There’s no place like home, and we should always do our absolute best to keep it in good repair. So why do we act so mindlessly, wasting resources and ruining our planet?
We are not atoms. Granted, they are what make us, but we have a soul and a mind to act upon concerns with. We need to cradle this glass-work gently and easily, but we never really seem afraid to break it, even as it cracks under the pressure we place.
It’s just something I think about, and something we should all think about. And act upon.
Song of the day: Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto no.3 Movement 1.
Spoiler
Yertle the Turtle:
--- Quote from: secretly_a_poet on April 10, 2018, 12:20:04 pm ---Song of the day: Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto no.3 Movement 1.
Spoiler
--- End quote ---
I agree, it's beautiful. Do you know the 2nd Piano Concerto? That takes piano music to the next level, strongly recommend it.
Definitely agree about the way the world is made, and how we need to act. I greatly respect the fact that you can put that kind of stuff down on paper, I know I can't. I'm loving the additions to the forums you are making as well, keep it up! :)
Poet:
--- Quote from: Yertle the Turtle on April 11, 2018, 10:23:26 pm ---I agree, it's beautiful. Do you know the 2nd Piano Concerto? That takes piano music to the next level, strongly recommend it.
Definitely agree about the way the world is made, and how we need to act. I greatly respect the fact that you can put that kind of stuff down on paper, I know I can't. I'm loving the additions to the forums you are making as well, keep it up! :)
--- End quote ---
Yes, the 2nd Concerto is beautiful. Rachmaninoff's pieces are all so emotive, almost aggressive - like waves or a storm. An unstoppable force of nature. I should probably get on the Classical Music thread at some point.
Him and Mozart are some of my personal favourite artists (funnily enough, I'm listening to Mozart's Piano Sonata No. 16 atm.) :)
And thank you, although I'm not really putting this down on "paper", haha!
edit: Oh! I forgot Chopin! ;)
Poet:
And after actually writing the post: I need to apologise for the sheer amount of complaining in this entry. I should probably rename the thread “Poet complains”.
And by some sort of miracle, I'm still here.
Hey guys. I hope y'all are doing alright. VCEers ready for the next round? HSCers happy it's almost the holidays? :,)
Going to a psych at some point in the next few days (again, this'll be my fourth psych, hopefully they are better than the last few) but I'm good. It can be so, so difficult to just stay upright and think positive, but I do the best I can. I haven't been eating or showering or doing much at all save for sitting in this one spot and rocking back and forth like some weird loop of Gollum when he realises he's lost his ring, but I'm alive...
And this thread as an outlet helps.
Actually, ATAR Notes in general really helps. It gives me something to do, something to read, something to be interested in, something to learn, and the people on here are like a slightly bonkers extended family. So no matter what's going on in my life and in my head right now, at least I can go on here and find someone who needs help, or a little piece of encouragement. And helping people always makes a person feel a little bit better about themselves. Maybe it's selfish, but it's an outlet.
I don't know why I've been so down. Typically, there's a trigger. Maybe I just don't want to go back to school, or maybe I saw something/someone that I was not expecting to, or maybe I ate too many dumplings, or hell, maybe I'm just a terrible human being. I mean, why not. The dumplings bit would explain my current aversion to food, but who knows. All I know is that every time my siblings make noise (legit 24/7) or I need to get back to work or I start to go to my bedroom and then get denied I'm like:
Note this meme is for heartbreak - I don't even know what a 'romantic' is, so let's ignore that fact and just say yes, I want to lie down and not even breathe, because that is just way to much effort.
And yet somehow I've managed to write the first paragraph of my Language Analysis. I guess I’m eager for punishment.
For the past week I have been constantly second-guessing myself or telling myself I can't do this, can't do that, this is too hard, that isn't worth it. It can be so hard to just hold your head above the water. And it can be really frustrating to be doing so well and then slip back again. And I know I shouldn’t but I still blame myself for everything that goes wrong, but I do.
I keep losing track of my thoughts as well. I mean, I’m distractible enough already, but then the listlessness just take it all away. Every time I write maybe three words to a sentence I’ve had to pause and try to work through exactly what I was just going to say. Hence, I’ve been trying to write this post for over 4 hours. And this paragraph just took me almost 10 minutes.
So, thanks for being here, AN. I don’t know where I was going with this post – I feel confused and alone and sad and frustrated with myself – but I’m thankful for this community. I guess that’s all that matters, even when I feel like someone’s pulled the curtains over anything that brings light into my life.
Song of the day: Final Call - Vexaic. Totally matches my mood haha
Spoiler
turinturambar:
--- Quote from: secretly_a_poet on April 10, 2018, 12:20:04 pm ---I watched a documentary a couple nights ago on NASA and the journey to Mars. The people who spoke in favour of the Mars exploration initiative made comments on finding a “new world” for us to populate. But this could never be the case – it should never be the case. Instead of pushing forward to the very limits of space, wondrous as it is, we should be working to conserve and protect what we already have. Earth is a piece of careful glass-work found in the gutter – so random, so fragile, and a one-in-a-trillion gem. There’s no place like home, and we should always do our absolute best to keep it in good repair. So why do we act so mindlessly, wasting resources and ruining our planet?
--- End quote ---
I generally agree with you, but I don't see it as an either / or.
Earth is a beautiful, amazing place, and the idea that if there's a disaster we can just hop over to the moon or Mars and start over is crazy.
At the same time, space exploration is a tiny proportion of government budgets, it continues our species' urge to discover and explore, it lifts the human spirit, and the research done for and in the space program has often been able to be used by all of us on earth as well.
Yes, we could do a better job protecting this earth, but I don't think gutting the space program would do anything to help this.
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