General Discussion > Accountability and Motivation

Poet's Well-being Journal

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turinturambar:

--- Quote from: secretly_a_poet on April 12, 2018, 07:48:46 pm ---And after actually writing the post: I need to apologise for the sheer amount of complaining in this entry. I should probably rename the thread “Poet complains”.

--- End quote ---

Being able to write things out can be incredibly liberating, and as humans we like to share stories.  And it's great to read that others have had the same experiences and thought the same things as you.
I wouldn't worry too much about the feeling of complaining.  Write what you need/want to and people who care about it will be happy to read it.

Poet:

--- Quote from: turinturambar on April 12, 2018, 11:12:20 pm ---Being able to write things out can be incredibly liberating, and as humans we like to share stories.  And it's great to read that others have had the same experiences and thought the same things as you.
I wouldn't worry too much about the feeling of complaining.  Write what you need/want to and people who care about it will be happy to read it.

--- End quote ---

Thank you! <3

Hang on a second guys, I just gotta give a lil rebuttal to this statement before I begin:


--- Quote from: turinturambar on April 12, 2018, 11:06:38 pm ---I generally agree with you, but I don't see it as an either / or.
Earth is a beautiful, amazing place, and the idea that if there's a disaster we can just hop over to the moon or Mars and start over is crazy.

At the same time, space exploration is a tiny proportion of government budgets, it continues our species' urge to discover and explore, it lifts the human spirit, and the research done for and in the space program has often been able to be used by all of us on earth as well.
Yes, we could do a better job protecting this earth, but I don't think gutting the space program would do anything to help this.

--- End quote ---

It's definitely a good point you bring up, turinturambar; we as a species love to test the limits, push ourselves, discover, and this boosts moral and, as you have said, "lifts the human spirit" (I wear braces developed from metal originally used by NASA, there's your fact of the day!) However, I never said that we shouldn't explore at all, or that we should shut down the space program entirely; I merely spoke of the detrimental impact that something such as the Mars initiative (purely foolish exploration to see if we can make a new home on Mars after we trash Earth) is having on our planet. And as you have said, that plan - to repopulate, let alone thrive on another planet - is outright crazy. No, ‘gutting the space program’ would not be the answer – the majority of what they do is fantastic. Bringing the plight of our beautiful Earth to the forefront, making people aware of our dying world, is. :)
This is just to clarify my previous statement, hopefully I haven’t offended anyone at all.

___

Hey AN community.
Today was amazing; I actually managed to mentally prepare myself and step out into the unknown with legs that only shook slightly (thanks, anxiety) and get to the lectures early. Weirdly enough, I feel like AN is currently my sole motivation – I wouldn’t be up and around in the city if I didn’t feel AN mattered, haha. Actually, I feel like with the help of some people on here, I’ve been able to pull myself up a little more out of whatever’s been holding me down. Enough to get out of the house and see people, anyway. I'm not sure about school (and the people there) quite yet.
Stupid dark spider webs. They’re so sticky. So messy and complicated.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to untangle myself without a couple still clinging to my back.

Met with some fantastic people (Joseph41, the ‘anonymous but amazing new friend I hung out with who will remain anonymous but amazing’ and insanipi *honorary mention to insanipi’s sister*! (I did keep an eye out for other AN people but I guess you guys weren’t where I was)) and I felt really encouraged by this. After working so hard, both physically and mentally, to get to the lectures in the first place, I felt welcomed and excited to learn and be there where I knew the people I was seeking out wouldn’t judge me for just who they saw physically, which is a lot of what I worry about.

It also gave me the confidence to eat a little bit of free pizza too, so at least I've eaten a little something of substance in the past two days. You guys proud of me? It's progress. A little bit, but I'm going places haha

Can't wait for tomorrow's Legal lecture with Karly. I'll see you guys there. :)

Poet:
So Karly's lecture was amazing, I loved the cute animals every fifth slide. I got a lot out of those lectures, it was really good.
*now let's begin the rant*
And guys, listen; Nick's hair is amazing, and I will begin a punch on with anyone who begs to differ. And I will win, for Nick's hair's honor.
What is with AN people and bagging ATAR Note's staff's hair, anyway? They did it with Brady as well, and his hair was legit on point. If you're going to bag anyone's hair, bag mine because it never stays in place, but leave them alone! What did their hair ever do to you? Make you feel inferior? Because I wouldn't be surprised. Harrumph.
*rant over*

Today's been really bad. Like, really bad. Woke up this morning and physically couldn't get out of bed for almost forty minutes, even though it's the first day back at school. Actually, because it's the first day back at school. Dragged myself downstairs and immediately began to cry because I didn't want to go to school and see people who make me feel terrible about myself. I'm still struggling to eat, so I'm beginning to feel pretty weak and I know I have to but it's just really hard and it takes ages to actually work up the motivation to put the food in my mouth. That being said, I'm going to the doctor tonight to get my referral and some help with whatever's going on in my head right now, because I'm a bit stumped as to how to help myself. All of my methods are failing - even drawing at the moment, which never happens, but it's like I'm intent on not making myself happy.
Also, it's extremely difficult to eat and wallow in misery at the same time, and I seem to be intent on the latter lately.

By some miracle, I'm now sitting at our school library and the year eleven next to me is just being really nice but it's sort of awkward because I'm just silently crying and trying to do my work and he's asking me questions about my holidays like I'm not just sitting there crying and trying to do my work.
I don't think I'm going to be able to go to my classes this afternoon. I'm in a spare right now, so I'm okay with that, but I just don't know if I'll be able to mentally deal with seeing the people I've been avoiding.

What frustrates me most is that I truly thought this year would be better, or different somehow. Year 12 is the end, and I can get out of here as soon as I finish my exams. I've kept myself so busy with schoolwork and actual work and running about, but now I just don't know. I'm trying so hard, and for what? What does it matter? I'm going to end up in the dark again no matter what I do. I'm here now.
I've experienced this before - but for some reason I just can't pull myself out, and once again I hate myself for it. But I guess I'm just finding any reason to hate myself. I go out of my way to hate myself, and that isn't normal, and I know it isn't normal. But I hate myself anyway.

I sincerely hope that nobody else feels this way right now, but if you do, get help. Seriously.

I have nothing else to say.

PhoenixxFire:

--- Quote from: secretly_a_poet on April 16, 2018, 10:25:49 am ---*now let's begin the rant*
And guys, listen; Nick's hair is amazing, and I will begin a punch on with anyone who begs to differ. And I will win, for Nick's hair's honor.
What is with AN people and bagging ATAR Note's staff's hair, anyway? They did it with Brady as well, and his hair was legit on point. If you're going to bag anyone's hair, bag mine because it never stays in place, but leave them alone! What did their hair ever do to you? Make you feel inferior? Because I wouldn't be surprised. Harrumph.
*rant over*

--- End quote ---
Have you seen Nick's latest snapchat? There's a few people for you to fight there >:( and I'll help you

On a more serious note (not that insults to Nick's hair aren't serious), It's great that you're going to the doctor, I really hope they can help you. Just remember that set backs are normal and you will get through this too. We're all on your side, let me know if there's anything I can do to help

Here's a cute picture of my dog

and one of my cat trying to fit into a basket

K888:
Can confirm that Nick's hairstyle doesn't have the approval of the mod team

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