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A series of stressful events (HSC journal)

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dcesaona:
UPDATE: (UNMOTIVATION SUCKS)
So, I have an art exam tomorrow. I feel majorly unprepared. Basically I worked my ass off for the english exam over the 4-day easter holiday and it burned me out!!!! For the whole following week I was the most unmotivated that I have ever been. Not being motivated stresses me out to extremes. It's a paradox really. I had a whole week to prepare for this exam. So now I'm sat here on the night before my art exam, having not memorised anything for either of my artists. Tbh right now I don't even feel stressed because I'm that unmotivated LIKE WTf. Why do I have no motivation to study! I just can't do it! This has never happened to me! I need to kick myself back into gear literally the minute I walk out of that exam tomorrow. I CANNOT procrastinate over the holidays or else I'm screwed. I have so much to do and I am absolutely determined to do it. Ok so, I'm going to get back to studying and I will update tomorrow afternoon!

dcesaona:
I'm so stressed!

Ok so it only just dawned on me that I have a ton of work piled up that I MUST complete these holidays. I'm just going to focus on the subjects that are causing me the most stress otherwise this post would be a spiel of rubbish hahaha.

ANCIENT
I hate to admit it but I still have to finish my Pompeii and Herculaneum notes from the first term (although they're almost done *phew*) PLUS the Akhenaten ones from last term. I'm extremely pedantic when it comes to my study notes because they have to be detailed and full of information whilst also being succinct - because my study notes are my go to when I study (duh). SOooooooo yeah that's taking forever. I mean I still have 2 weeks left so hopefully I can finish them!

MODERN
I've got to do my USA study notes and polish off my WW1 notes. The WW1 notes shouldn't take long because they're basically done, I just need to get rid of excessive info because I have a tendency to shove in information that seems like I have to know it but it's just irrelevant.

ART
THE MOST STRESSFUL ONE. This BOW is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I've got my concept (and that was hard enough to get) now I've come to the hurdle of conveying my concept in my artwork and the ways to do that that are going to be the most effective. It's sooooo tedious and challenging. I have a quick question for whoever is reading (lol if anyone even bothered to read this far): What comes to mind when I say 'the cracks and underbelly of Sydney'? What places/things do you think about? That would help me out heapsssss!

That's all for now uggghhhhh.


 

Lumenoria:


--- Quote from: dcesaona on April 17, 2018, 10:12:54 am ---I'm so stressed!

Ok so it only just dawned on me that I have a ton of work piled up that I MUST complete these holidays. I'm just going to focus on the subjects that are causing me the most stress otherwise this post would be a spiel of rubbish hahaha.

ANCIENT
I hate to admit it but I still have to finish my Pompeii and Herculaneum notes from the first term (although they're almost done *phew*) PLUS the Akhenaten ones from last term. I'm extremely pedantic when it comes to my study notes because they have to be detailed and full of information whilst also being succinct - because my study notes are my go to when I study (duh). SOooooooo yeah that's taking forever. I mean I still have 2 weeks left so hopefully I can finish them!

MODERN
I've got to do my USA study notes and polish off my WW1 notes. The WW1 notes shouldn't take long because they're basically done, I just need to get rid of excessive info because I have a tendency to shove in information that seems like I have to know it but it's just irrelevant.

ART
THE MOST STRESSFUL ONE. This BOW is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I've got my concept (and that was hard enough to get) now I've come to the hurdle of conveying my concept in my artwork and the ways to do that that are going to be the most effective. It's sooooo tedious and challenging. I have a quick question for whoever is reading (lol if anyone even bothered to read this far): What comes to mind when I say 'the cracks and underbelly of Sydney'? What places/things do you think about? That would help me out heapsssss!

That's all for now uggghhhhh.

--- End quote ---

Idk if my mind is wandering too far into the wild, but all I can think of is corruption, drugs, Mount Druitt lol - basically underlying social issues that the government has failed to address/facilitate improvement for.

dcesaona:
I haven't posted here in agesssss. But I'm in the eye of the storm right now so I need to express everything. I have one more trial examination to do (for drama), and I have my drama IP and GP due in less than 2 weeks! So I'm basically focusing all my effort on drama right now! Plus, I also have to give my attention to art because my major work is due in a bit less than 3 weeks! That's basically me right now.

BUT...THIS WAS MY TRIALS: btw I had a whole week of exam after exam ughhh

I felt so shitty after my ancient exam. I'm pretty sure I ranted about it in the ancient forums thing hahahah. Essentially, I fcked up one of the 10 mark questions and I know for sure I got a multiple choice wrong. That's 11 marks down the drain already. Every mark counts. So I was basically depressed over the weekend but I feel a bit better now because I know that others didn't even finish. I guess I felt like I was the only one that went shit, so when others feel the same way it puts things into perspective  :D That sounds so bad...but it's true. I guess if I bombed out in this ancient trial I'm hoping that my ranking (4th) will hold me up there, at least in the top 10. Even though I so badly wanted to be in the top 5 for ancient. But after that exam I feel like I can't get my hopes up.

I also did modern but I don't even want to talk about that. To sum it up, WW1 was great, USA was good, personality sucked, and Indochina was satisfactory (passable). Not overly impressed with the exam. Again, hoping that my rank will still hold up.

For english, I feel confident about it! Not my creative though. I feel like I stuffed that up. Hopefully not as bad as my last discovery exam where I only got 9/15. I'm hoping I improved because I worked my ass off to improve. I took all the feedback that I could and applied it ALL. I just feel like where I went wrong with it was that I didn't adequately use the 'statement' which was to write about a discovery that isn't immediately known and recognised by the character. The scene when my character did the discovering, it was realised, but before hand it wasn't. I didn't realise this until I left the exam. So I'm pissed. But, it all comes down to just practicing that creative as much as I can. I have a feeling the modules were fine, I was really pleased with my Wilfred Owen response! Except, I had the worst pain during the exam, my fault for not being on top of that, and I definitely felt like it may have hindered my performance.

For my artwork, it's just not turning out how I envisaged it. I think I except so much from it, like I want it to be hyper-realistic but that's not going to be achievable for me, as it's more of an expressionistic style with rougher brushstrokes. I also wanted it to be a lot darker than it is. But my art teacher suggested lightening it up, in order to achieve this effect where the 3 thirds of the painting are all in a different tone, the first and last are bright and the middle is in shadow. Whereas, I wanted the first two dark and the last to be bright. I have this one 'focus' scene in the middle of the painting, which I want the viewer's eyes to be drawn to, but because the painting is so light it doesn't really stand out. I'm working on these things though and it definitely needs A LOT more work.

As for drama...I received my marks from trials and I'm pleased with how I went. I received 29/30 for my IP, 25/30 for my GP and I have yet to do the written exam. With the GP, I'm happy considering the issues we encountered and how we still have a lot more work to do with it. We know where we lost marks, and we've already worked on correcting one place. We're determined to push ourselves up to a band 6 level group performance.

That's trials summed up! So overall, there's loads of room for improvement. I'm just trying not to get my hopes to high before we get our results back. I don't want to be devastated. So, I keep reminding myself that there's still a chance after trials and that I have to keep ploughing on.



 

dcesaona:
School update!
Technically I graduated school today. BUT I MISSED IT. My parents were unable to get me there so I missed it. I feel so bad. Not for myself because I don’t think it’s that much of a big deal. I mean I’m kind of still part of the school. I have formal on my last day of exams, I have to go back in the holidays to do revision sessions with teachers, I have to go back to pick up artworks…you know, not officially left high school. I also feel like I can’t celebrate - I won’t feel like I’m officially done until the exams are over. That scares me thinking about it so I’m going to stop.
But I can't help feeling emotional. I've learnt so much in the last 2 years. The HSC has had its bad moments (that's an understatement) but I've learnt so much about how to deal with stress, how to work hard, and what I really love. I mean it's a really big achievement...but it's not over yet!!!!!!!

Anyways, studying updates!
I’m planning on having everything revised and memorised and ready to go in my brain by Saturday this week! After Saturday it’s practice, practice, practice. I’ve done quite a few practice responses here and there but they haven’t been timed. So by the end of this week the majority of what I do will be cementing everything through practice exams. At least then I will feel content with not having to cram major loads of information - which I have done before every single exam in the last 2 years and especially before trials. (But hey, it works). Of course I will still be revising here and there obviously, just not cramming!!! That’s when I start to stress!

Also, I need to learn to feel more confident with my abilities! I doubt everything I write and I think that everything I do (even when I’m revising) isn’t good enough. Like I constantly underestimate myself and tbh it’s not good. Like when it impedes with your actually ability it’s not good. But then again I went into trials thinking I was going to fail and that everything I wrote was shit and I succeeded so immensely in trials (1st english, 2nd ancient and modern). So idk what to do or how to feel. Is it better to feel self doubt or confidence in an exam? I’ve never felt confident in an exam.

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