VCE Stuff > AN’s Language Analysis Club

2018 AA Club- Week 14

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Anonymous:
Sorry for the late post. I could have sworn I'd posted it last week. Someone please take pity on me.

As NAPLAN testing draws closer, Hogan has written an opinion piece in which he criticises in a measured tone that this "standardised testing" system as being not only "crude and arbitrary" but also affected a student's learning within the classroom. To this end, he targets primarily teachers and students alike, but also concerned parents and the governing authorities that overlook NAPLAN to not settle for such a system.

By first listing the governing authorities who've endorsed the non-release of NAPLAN's marking system, Hogan intends for the "teachers and students in the dark," who are taken advantage of by this, to predispose them as the opposition, and thereby sets them up to receive his succeeding arguments more favourably. In claiming that they've "refused to release the methods in which NAPLAN exams are marked", readers are inadvertently lead to assume that there may something not quite right about the marking schemes, to have led the governing authorities to withhold such information. Then through the use of Perelman's forensic analysis as the basis for his argument that the limited objectives of NAPLAN has resulted in loopholes that could be abused, the use of an expert opinion, accompanied by his credentials, alleviate readers' concerns of the validity of his points.

Hogan then goes on to assert that the NAPLAN examination system is quite fallible, through the "tried and tested" "cheat sheet" provided by Perelman in an attempt to prompt doubt within the reader's mind of its effectiveness. When describing the "poor pedagogical practices", which has the alliterative effect of being memorable, the use of the words "inflict" and "pressure" to describe the practices connotes a painful experience that students are to undertake against their will, and thereby motivates readers to view NAPLAN and the resultant teaching methods as being an unnecessary evil. This effect is further enhanced with the image of students staring numbly towards to front of the room, as it symbolises the moulds that they've been forced into as a result of teachers and parents alike "teaching to the tests" rather than the content, which has "left both teachers and students at a loss".

In contending that NAPLAN testing isn't conducive to an "effective teaching and learning" environment, in part due to its inaccuracy, Hogan's use of the idiom "music to educator's ears" encourages readers to take on board the positive views that teachers have in response to Perelman's proclamations, while simultaneously alluding to the notion that more abstract teaching methods are more effective. By then starkly contrasting the two methods, in which one provides "rich exposure" which has a positive connotation that it's beneficial for students, while the "time-heavy" "training" portrays a "[shadier]" and more forceful approach, which would sway readers into advocating for the former method. This effect is further elucidated when he states that NAPLAN was established "without any known consultation" which would lead readers to view the testing as inaccurate. By then juxtaposing the intention of writing with a marking scheme that doesn't reflect the components of writing in accurate ratios based on importance, readers are forced to accept that "NAPLAN's writing tasks are crude and arbitrary".

In maintaining a controlled tone, Hogan relies heavily on Perelman's report in order to justify his assertion that NAPLAN's an inaccurate measure of student performance that also promotes ineffective teaching methods.

clarke54321:

--- Quote from: Anonymous on May 15, 2018, 10:11:40 pm ---Sorry for the late post. I could have sworn I'd posted it last week. Someone please take pity on me.

As NAPLAN testing draws closer, Hogan has written an opinion piece in which he criticises in a measured tone that this "standardised testing" system as being not only "crude and arbitrary" but also affected a student's learning within the classroom nice contextual info. However, for coherency purposes, perhaps split this longer sentence into two.. To this end, he targetstry and refrain from using definitive language. Instead, stick to a more neutral phrase like, "Hogan seeks/endeavours to target...." or "Given the context, Hogan most likely targets..." primarily teachers and students alike, but also concerned parents and the governing authorities that overlook NAPLAN to not settle for such a system. While it could do with some minor polishing, this is a good introduction  :)

By first listing the governing authorities who've endorsed the non-release of NAPLAN's marking system, Hogan intends for the "teachers and students in the dark," who are taken advantage of by this, to predispose them as the opposition, and thereby sets them up to receive his succeeding arguments more favourably read this through again and think, would this be clear to the reasonable person? Simplicity is your highest priority in an argument analysis. Hence, have a topic sentence central to the argument in question, and then introduce evidence. To have argument, evidence, analysis and effect in the one sentence is too excessive.. In claiming that they've "refused to release the methods in which NAPLAN exams are marked", readers are inadvertently lead to assume that there may something not quite right about the marking schemes, to have led the governing authorities to withhold such information yes, excellent evaluation of reader effect. However, because you've employed the passive here, ensure that your subject is the writer (Hogan), not the readers.. Then through the use of Perelman's forensic analysis <--- you must provide evidence for this.as the basis for his argument that the limited objectives of NAPLAN has resulted in loopholes that could be abused, the use of an expert opinion, accompanied by his credentials, alleviate readers' concerns of the validity of his points.

Hogan then goes on to assert that the NAPLAN examination system is quite fallible, through the "tried and tested" "cheat sheet" provided by Perelman in an attempt to prompt doubt within the reader's mind of its effectiveness see my previous comment regarding topic sentences. When describing the "poor pedagogical practices", which has the alliterative effect of being memorable <--- how do we know this? You need to spell these things out to the reader. Say, "Through the use of alliteration, evidenced in the repeated "p" sound of, "poor pedagogical practices," Hogan endeavours to......., the use of the words "inflict" and "pressure" to describe the practices attempts/strives/seeks (be tentative) connotes a painful experience that students are to undertake against their will, and thereby motivates readers excellentto view NAPLAN and the resultant teaching methods as being an unnecessary evil. This effect is further enhanced  <--- lovely compounding phrase  :)with the image of students staring numbly towards to front of the room, as it possibly/most likely (stay tentative!)symbolises the moulds that they've been forced into as a result of teachers and parents alike "teaching to the tests" rather than the content, which has "left both teachers and students at a loss". <--- you could tease this out to a greater extent

In contending that NAPLAN testing isn't conducive to an "effective teaching and learning" environment, in part due to its inaccuracy, Hogan's use of the idiom "music to educator's ears" encourages readers to take on board the positive views that teachers have in response to Perelman's proclamations, while simultaneously alluding to the notion that more abstract teaching methods are more effective again, refer to my previous comment regarding topic sentences. By then starkly contrasting the two methods, in which one provides "rich exposure" which has a positive connotation that it's beneficial for students, a bit awkward and general. Also, when relying on connotations for analysis, you must extract the specific word you are addressing. And so, in this case,"rich." while the "time-heavy" "training" portrays a "[shadier]" and more forceful approach, which would attempts to...sway readers into advocating for the former method. This effect is further elucidated when he states that NAPLAN was established "without any known consultation" which would lead readers to view the testing as inaccurate how did you ge to this point? Provide more analysis.. By then juxtaposing the intention of writing with a marking scheme that doesn't reflect the components of writing in accurate ratios based on importance, readers are forced to accept that "NAPLAN's writing tasks are crude and arbitrary".

In maintaining a controlled tone, Hogan relies heavily on Perelman's report why would this be significant? Due to Perelman's authority? Credibility? Does this compliment Hogan's controlled tone? in order to justify his assertion that NAPLAN's an inaccurate measure of student performance that also promotes ineffective teaching methods.

--- End quote ---

Nice job on the analysis. You are generally incorporating all key aspects of an analysis into your writing (what, how and why), which is an excellent plus. I was also particularly impressed by your use of compounding phrases. However, I would encourage you to revise your approach to topic sentences, and how you express ideas relating to reader effect. Keep up the wonderful AA effort  :) 

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