VCE Stuff > AN’s Language Analysis Club

2018 AA Club - Week 16

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MissSmiley:

--- Quote from: Anonymous on June 16, 2018, 07:48:33 pm ---Hey! This is my first post on Atar Notes so a little nervous ... I'm in yr 11 but thought theres no time like the present to start improving my writing skills for year 12. I wrote an intro and first body paragraph (which contains analysis of image so it's a little long - sorry) - any feedback would be greatly appreciated  :)

The opinion piece ‘Ignore the headlines: you can learn a new language - at any age’ written by Monika Schmid (The Age 21 May 2018) explores the long debated issue of the influence of age on foreign linguistic ability. Schmid employs a passionate yet concise 'concise' is more of a style word, rather than tone. That's because tone is got to do with feeling and you know the overall mood. But 'concise' is manner / style. So anything like colloquial, formal, informal, informative, etc that is style. tone in response to a new study which debunks the ‘common misconception’ that after the age of ten learning a new language is ‘impossible’. Schmid assertings to her audience, readers of the Age along with members of society that may be interested in the prospect of learning a new language, that no matter your regardless of age you one can learn new skills with adequate practice and perseverance. Maintaining a conversational manner throughout the piece, Schmid elucidates that past research into the issue has not focused on fluency. The influence of physiological factors on linguistic ability is debated by scholars along with the fact that this new piece of research which research? is unparalleled in that it covers a larger sample size than past attempts and thus has more reliable results. [/b]This sentence is very long, because you've got multiple clauses in there. e.g 'along with the fact that..' 'in that it covers' 'and thus has more...' Also, I do think you can save this for your body paras! Otherwise, good intro!

Understanding the influence of other This is a bit unclear, so do you want to say 'quoting other...'? trusted news outlets on her intended audience, Schmid begins by warning the readership to ‘ignore the headlines’ an idea reflected in the opening paragraph. Schmid lists a plethora of newspapers and government supported organisations such as the BBC and Daily Mail whom the reader is likely to respect the opinions of. By depicting these newspapers with a negative connotation from you need to give evidence here to proove the neg connotations the beginning of the opinion piece, Schmid is able to elevate and validate the continually asserted fact that the influence of age on foreign linguistic ability is non existent. Also mention that 'confuting the research, Schmid gains power from the outset to assert her point.' Schmid claims that the newspapers ‘trumpeted’ the news, a metaphor that is reminiscent of middle age monarchy and thus a lack of modern knowledge and understanding. Wow! I didn't know this! :) This is going into very very deep analysis already! This further ridiculing the opposition in the eyes of the reader. Schmid continues with a definitive tone saying ‘for one thing’ as if to list numerous flaws in the opposing news outlet’s portrayal of the story. The inferred listing through language is intended by Schmid to further attack the opposing view and again validate her own. Schmid explains that what ‘the BBC and Daily Mail’ have so drastically misinterpreted is the role of fluency in the research.you can delete this, because this idea is getting redundant now. Continuing the theme of debunking misconceptions Schmid exclaims that it ‘is not even true that young children learn languages faster’, the inclusion of ‘not even’ being a decision made by the author in order to elicit the idea that perhaps there is more regarding the issue that the readership are unaware of as a result of inaccurate reporting. This again reflecting the title and pivotal ideology to ‘ignore’ opposing ideas. do you see how this is getting repetitive? Have some new analysis. For example 'Schmid seeks to bring in equity the abilities of young people and adults, and in this way, entices adults to learn a new language.' Schmid follows this statement by finally revealing the true results which have been supposedly hidden by the other newspapers, ‘if you expose different age groups to the same amount [of foreign language] … the older ones invariably do better’. The word expose although being utilised by the author in order to convey the idea of continual practice also has an underlying allusion to the exposure of the falsified portrayal of the report which has been conducted by other newspapers. I can't understand this. Just because you've got many clauses in one sentence. What do you mean by 'continual practice' and 'underlying illusion'? The accompanying image also elicits this idea of exposure, although it parallels the reinforced ideology that younger children do not do better. What in the image makes you say this? The image depicts several young children in a classroom environment exposed to foreign language. The location elucidates this idea of continual access to foreign language, to the reader, and thus complements the idea that it is exposure time rather than age which will result in the numerous hands up seen in the photograph. yes! nice take on the image. However, see my suggestion about image analysis below:

--- End quote ---
Hello! Welcome to AtarNotes! :)
I must say, you're AA skills are very nice, considering it's Year 11 standard!
You know what writers place certain things at the start, and then how they move on to project their point as being right. So good job on that!

Just two tips:
1. Don't really say tone as 'passionate.' It's such a general tone word if you think about it, because every writer is passionate aren't they? That's why they chose to write a piece on that issue!
So try and be as specific as possible with tone words :)
2. With image analysis, look at people's expressions, the foreground, background, colour symbolism and juxtaposition.
for example, I didn't understand how you interpreted that young children do not do better after you looked at the image. If you saw that they were willing to learn, they were trying to write on the top of the board, etc, perhaps you'd interpret the image differently!
Do you know what I mean?

I really hope I didn't confuse you! Sorry!
But feel very good that you're doing the right things! :)

All the best! :)

Anonymous:
Hey - Thanks so much! really helpful feedback! None of my teachers have ever mentioned that point about tone but now that you bring it up it makes sooo much sense .. along with the advice for analysing images, images are definitely what I find most challenging. Thanks alot!

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