Text Response Stress

[Nicole R]

Hey Guys,
I really need extra help on my English, could someone kindly please give me a hand about an essay I made.
I've attached my draft. Begging for some feedbacks please ))) I don't mind harsh comments.

Thanks a lot in advance ))

[vceme]

I've only given this a brief read because I'm procasinating on ATARnotes and need to get back on my own text response essay soon lol. I haven't read the novel of this essay but some few pointers:
-Wouldn't write in past tense:
'Women like Agnes demonstrate personal strength but at particular situations, she could be vulnerable.'--> 'Women such as Agnes demonstrate personal strengths however can be vulnerable in particular situations'. I would also expand on this topic sentence. What kind of situations? What makes her vulnerable?
Another e.g of you writing in past tense and how I would write it to strengthen my sentences:
'However, Kent also portrayed Agnes’ vulnerable side in which, her weakness overpowered her personal strength'-> However, Kent's portrayal of Agnes' vulnerability shows that her weakness at times can overpower her personal strength. 
I'm not sure whether this applies to this novel but you could also include the authors intention to strengthen your essay. For example, what is Kent trying to say about the affects of having a patriarchal society?
I like how you have woven your quotes into your essay! and have used things like symbolism

[Nicole R]

I've only given this a brief read because I'm procasinating on ATARnotes and need to get back on my own text response essay soon lol. I haven't read the novel of this essay but some few pointers:
-Wouldn't write in past tense:
'Women like Agnes demonstrate personal strength but at particular situations, she could be vulnerable.'--> 'Women such as Agnes demonstrate personal strengths however can be vulnerable in particular situations'. I would also expand on this topic sentence. What kind of situations? What makes her vulnerable?
Another e.g of you writing in past tense and how I would write it to strengthen my sentences:
'However, Kent also portrayed Agnes’ vulnerable side in which, her weakness overpowered her personal strength'-> However, Kent's portrayal of Agnes' vulnerability shows that her weakness at times can overpower her personal strength. 
I'm not sure whether this applies to this novel but you could also include the authors intention to strengthen your essay. For example, what is Kent trying to say about the affects of having a patriarchal society?
I like how you have woven your quotes into your essay! and have used things like symbolism

really appreciate your honest feedback  THANK YOU SO MUCH