8/4/19 - This'll actually be long. A lot to go through. I apologise in advance for the length of my post.
So I was basically dead all of last week. Just wanted the term to end already. Initially, I was unable to explain my sudden burnout (that word makes me weary just looking at it, but I can't describe the trajectory of last week in any other way). I was heading to the library, as usual, immediately after school. (Yeah, there's something called distractions when I'm at home, and I'd much prefer to chill out there anyway.) But despite my best attempts at planning out what I was going to smash out for the afternoon/evening, I just sat on the comfortable seats and wondered what to do with my life.
An hour, two hours passed (browsing the forums like the nosey person I am to try and spur me on), then it was getting late and had to get home in time for dinner. It's not like I found the work particularly difficult, it was just all apathy, I suppose. Like, I didn't even feel that guilty for not studying. Looking back, I felt like I gave up too easily. You know the classic example of one who gives advice but doesn't follow it themselves? Well, I reckon that was me. It was a vicious cycle of doing not much more than studying, then going home, eating dinner, then being too tired to do anything else, but still have enough energy to watch YouTube vids until a time at which I thought my parents would catch me awake.
Wow, journalling (even typing it up instead of writing it down physically) is super helpful! It just puts my train of thought in order, know what I mean? On Saturday, I went to the city for my first ever ATARnotes lectures! English, though I rocked up late (shoutout to Melbourne's archaic public transport), was quite enjoyable, and met some faces from my own school that I didn't even know were going! In the afternoon, I had the Methods lecture. Loved the lecturer's down-to-earthness! (I know, pulling out cliche #1 from the book of 1001 cliches) She gave me a new, fresh perspective on Methods that I otherwise wouldn't have gained. Also, on a lighter note, during the English lecture when the lecturer was projecting the forums up on the screen, one of
my topics was shown! Those chairs were
waaaayy too comfortable, though.
I'll be going to three more next weekend! I tend to sit in the middle section, but not too close to the front.
(Pls don't track me down bro, or take all dem seats ) The snail-speed of the train I took into the city on Saturday gave me time to think. Time to think about
why I'm even doing this. I figured that it was all about mindset. If I
thought the week would be a drag, it would increase the likelihood that it would actually be so. I've begun to see education and studying as a gift. A gift that so many young people my age unfortunately either don't have at all, or they have it, but receive it inadequately and insufficiently. Though it'll be far from easy, and sometimes I have weeks like last week where I cling on to ATARnotes like it's my only saving grace, whilst at the same time not being enthused at all by the prospect of getting work done, I desire to receive this gift with an open mind and heart!
I'll enjoy these holidays first.