Uni Stuff > The University Journey Journal
PF's journal
sweetiepi:
--- Quote from: K888 on October 13, 2020, 06:59:53 pm ---Now PF is enrolled in uni again they must subsist entirely on pasta. It is the uni student code.
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I thought it was 2min noodles? Or have I done uni wrong this whole time :P
Also I'm keen for more animal adventures and your next steps with uni, Morgan! 🥰
PhoenixxFire:
So I just got reminded that this exists.
I guess a bit has happened since I last posted here but also lots of nothing and the same shit over and over again.
I've only been in hospital once since that OD admission at the end of september and it was just an overnight stay in ED (they moved me to the nice and quiet emu in the morning after i spent the whole night awake in acute). I really wasn't doing well when I went in and I really wasn't any better when I came out but it reminded me of how much i dislike ending up there so maybe it had some value lol.
More importantly my useless clinical manager (aka community nurse aka the person whose job it was to try and keep me out of hospital) went and discharged me on the basis of a bunch of bullshit that never happened and them refusing to give me referrals because they thought I wouldn't attend even though I went to every single appointment I've had organised for mh this year. Can you tell I'm still angry at them?
Anyway they discharged me so then I was back to having no community supports at all. Someone from HAART (mental health crisis - CATT for you victorians) was all like oh no and she's like I'll make sure we organise some support for you...so she tried to refer me back to the same community team that had just discharged me so that they could refer me to another team (which they had already refused to refer me to). Big surprise, the community team wouldn't accept the referral. And the only way to get a referral to the therapies team is with a community manager.
So then they decided to get me in to see the psych reg who works for HAART. Now this appointment is on the opposite side of canberra - which may not sound like far but its one and a half hours each way by bus. So I'm like fine, I've gotta see someone. So I go to this appointment and the entirety of her plan is to refer me to the therapies team. Yes the same team that haart already tried and failed to refer me to. The same team that tch inpatient tried and failed to refer me to. The same team that I need to have a community manager to access - the only community team available to me has already discharged me and rejected a referral back to them. What a good use of over 3 hours. Needless to say I was a little pissed by this point.
Anyway amongst this I went to see a new GP and she reckons I should apply for NDIS funding because then I can get a private psych and support worker and avoid all the public system bs - but she wants a letter from a psychiatrist for that and this public psychiatrist was not interested and private psychiatrists in canberra take $600 and months.
So that's about where all the mh stuff is up to. Good times. Christmas is never a good time and i reckon I might end up with another pointless trip to hospital again (but hey maybe they'll try referring me to the therapies team for a 4th time!!)
Also apparently I have no iron which explains why I can't stay awake lately - not that I mind, being conscious isn't all that fun but GP told me to take an iron supplement which just made me throw up for days which was unpleasant.
I think that's probably all I have to say idk. I don't do much except get annoyed at various clinicians and the uselessness of public mh services (and especially canberra ones). I don't really know what the plan is from here. I'm meant to be getting a call from haart sometimes this weekend. Maybe they'll get to tell me that the referral has failed for the third time. That'll definitely be a surprise ::) But idk. I've tried all of the public mh services in canberra that I, 2 GPs, 2 mh units, pacer, and various mh nurses and psych regs in ED could think of and they've all either told me to go see someone else instead or been useless so I'm a bit out of ideas.
PhoenixxFire:
TW: not surprising if you've read the rest of my journal but this post discuss mental health and suicide.
I haven't been in hospital for the whole year!
haha cos it's only been 2 days
So I decided I didn't like the number 9 and went and made it a nice even 10 trips to hospital for 2020. I was in hospital over christmas and just got let out on new years eve. They gave us nice soap for christmas but even that doesn't help the stink when you've been wearing the same clothes for a week lol. They also gave us presents on the 30th?? better presents then they gave us on christmas??? and christmas crackers which they didn't give us on christmas????
Anyway they're trying to refer me to the same community team again for the 3rd time since they (the community team) discharged me. It has yet to work.
2020 was a strange year for me in a different way than it was strange for most people - I spent over a quarter of it in hospital. Canberra hasn't been affected by covid anywhere near as much as Melbourne and Sydney but what little effect there was I mostly missed as I spent april-june across various mental health facilities. I spent both easter and christmas in hospital - not that I would have celebrated them anyway but it's weird to just entirely miss major events like that.
In a way nothing happened this year. Comparing now to February, I'm in the same house, I haven't progressed at uni, I don't have any work or volunteering or hobbies different than what I did then. But so, so much has changed about the way I see life. About 368 days ago a very good friend of mine called a mental health team on me. And that's how I started last new years. Stayed up and watched the fireworks, had mental health folks show up at my door at 9am on Jan 1. It's sorta funny that that all started on Jan 1 and now I got discharged from hospital on Dec 31.
I remember that they asked me about past suicide attempts. At the time that question made me so anxious that I was unable to answer it. Now it's just a routine question that I can discuss perfectly fine and that really shows me how different my perspective on mental health is now to then.
About 279 days ago that same friend called an ambulance for me. Unfortunately it came with a side of cops
If they hadn't done that, I don't think I'd be alive today. I don't think that was the day that I was closest to killing myself but it meant that when that day came I was able to call an ambulance for myself. Turns out the first thing they ask is for your address and phone number and they don't say "what is your emergency". I was unprepared
This year I went from wanting help but being too scared to ask for it and not thinking I deserved it, through periods of feeling so bad that I didn't want to feel better anymore, to now (mostly) being able to ask for help (although I'm still very bad at it when it's not crisis level bad).
IDK what the point of this post is, everyone else was doing it though. It's been a year. Hopefully the new one will involve less hospital and more passing uni but if not then I hope I can see the world a little bit differently next year than I do now.
Bri MT:
--- Quote from: PhoenixxFire on January 02, 2021, 03:50:40 pm ---TW: not surprising if you've read the rest of my journal but this post discuss mental health and suicide.
I haven't been in hospital for the whole year!
haha cos it's only been 2 days
So I decided I didn't like the number 9 and went and made it a nice even 10 trips to hospital for 2020.
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I enjoyed reading these.
--- Quote from: PhoenixxFire on January 02, 2021, 03:50:40 pm ---I was in hospital over christmas and just got let out on new years eve. They gave us nice soap for christmas but even that doesn't help the stink when you've been wearing the same clothes for a week lol. They also gave us presents on the 30th?? better presents then they gave us on christmas??? and christmas crackers which they didn't give us on christmas????
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New years generally feels more celebratory to me than Christmas but I've never associated it with presents.
--- Quote from: PhoenixxFire on January 02, 2021, 03:50:40 pm ---I haven't progressed at uni
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This feels like a good time to wish you luck for your new course!
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--- Quote from: PhoenixxFire on January 02, 2021, 03:50:40 pm ---It's sorta funny that that all started on Jan 1 and now I got discharged from hospital on Dec 31.
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I somehow missed the poetic nature of this until you mentioned it but yes.
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"279 days" feels like a maths flex.
Big
PhoenixxFire:
^I just wanted to outflex your math.
Nah jk I googled it.
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