FEEDBACK NEEDED!!! Text Response Essay on The Lieutenant - Feedback pls

[jemima.allpress]

hey everyone!
I recently did this practice essay - well the intro and 3 paragraphs - for my teacher and she said it was sitting around a 7/10 and emphasised on my need for more sophisticated vocabulary (something i need a lot of help on)
Just looking for more detailed feedback.
‘But a man cannot walk in two separate paths’. Explore how Rooke’s conflict of conscious is explored in The Lieutenant.
Centred around the settlement of the First Fleet, Kate Grenville’s ‘The Lieutenant’, focuses on the journey of one man, Daniel Rooke, and his development from a socially awkward boy to a mature military officer who faces a personal dilemma that stimulates as a result of his unacceptance of the colonial superiority and conquest over the Indigenous people. Grenville shows that conflict is inevitable when one is faced with circumstances that contradict one’s beliefs, and how this kindles an inner battle that changes the course of a life. While Rooke is struck by two conflicting paths, his final decision to follow his duty of conscious derives from his experiences from an early age. However, in order for Rooke to distinguish between right and wrong, he firstly had to accept his duty of allegiance to his country.
From an early age, Rooke’s moral compass is highly developed and is the forefront reason for his character to be ‘out of step with the world.’ As Rooke’s unique love of numbers causes him to become ‘lost’ in his own arithmetic ‘world,’ he develops an incapability to socialise with those around him. His inability to interact with those his age causes him to question his intelligence and find him discovering that ‘true cleverness was to hide such thoughts.’ The personal dilemmas he encounters from a young age show that he tends towards silence when circumstances get difficult, which is the reason he chooses not to speak out against injustices later in his experiences at war and New South Wales. Rooke’s ability to understand complicated matters is further highlighted in his understanding that there is something inherently wrong with the concept of slavery thus causing him to become ‘puzzled’ over James Percival’s ‘logic’ that Britain ‘would collapse if slavery were abolished.’ Although Rooke ‘had never seen a black man’ his ability to question the notion of slavery represent his tolerant attitude to those that in his time, would have been severely discriminated against, once again emphasising his contrasting beliefs to others, and foreshadows the strong relationship he later builds with an indigenous youth. The differing opinions between him and his companions contributes to the inner conflict Rooke battles while at his time in the Academy, which leads to his conclusion that ‘to injure any was to damage all’ which comes into context when Rooke is faced with a decision that would ultimately see his life take a turn he never knew he would be capable of.
Although Rooke finally feels he ‘ha(s) found a life’ when he joins the marines, it is the experience of war and violence that contributes to his psychological struggle and forms the basis of his distinction between right and wrong. Rooke develops a friendship with a fellow Lieutenant, Tabolt Silk, with which Grenville uses as a symbol of stark dissimilarity to Rooke as he is portrayed as a driven figure who seeks for higher status and is determined to obey in His Majesty’s service in order to be praised. Silk’s ‘cordial’ and ‘amusing’ characteristic mean he is ‘disliked by no-one’ and ‘light on his feet in a conversation,’ which contrasts greatly to Rooke’s inability to fit in social situations and who found ‘conversation’ to be ‘a problem he could not solve.’ However, despite their relationship becoming ‘forged’ into a ‘bond deeper than mere good friendship’ after the both witness the death of Private Truby, Grenville displays Silk as the person Rooke would have turned into had he not chosen to follow his personal sense of duty. Rooke’s inner conflict is once again invigorated after he experiences the hanging of the mutineers, a ‘stretch of time’ with which no one would ‘forget,’ shaking Rooke’s certainty that his place in the marines is the niche in the world he had been searching for. It is here that Rooke grasps the concept that ‘to bend the Kings will required the suspension of human response,’ and that war was ‘a mighty imperial machine,’ which makes Rooke question the ‘oath’ that he ‘would serve and obey,’ realising that it now was more than just ‘words’ but rather an allegiance to something he would regret he ever had. This experience disenchants Rooke from his new-found life alerting him of the ‘horror’ of the ‘benign surface of life under His Majesty’s service’ and understanding that he can no longer dictate his own behaviour and decisions without considering his sworn duty. The image of the ‘lieutenant who had twirled at the end of that rope’ serves as a cue to Rooke of what happens to those who disobey their duty of responsibility and disturb him when he makes the fateful decision to follow his conscious.
Rooke’s conscience becomes a battlefield when faced with a task that will either see him a ‘bag of meat or walking dead man’ or a man free of guilt of shame. The relationship he develops with Tagaran, a young Indigenous girl who was ‘forthright, fearless, sure of herself’ becomes the predominant reason for his defiance as he is compelled to choose his protective devotion to Tagaran and her people over the loss of his promising future and allegiance to his country. Rooke was struck with these mutually exclusive paths when he was required to serve his duty as a soldier. The relationship he had built with the natives meant that Rooke had developed a love and understanding of the Indigenous culture and language and was not something he was willing to give up. Rooke’s refusal to perform in the expedition that planned to capture six natives was not only based upon the friendship that ‘was too precious to lose’ but also the words and experiences of Gardiner, a fellow Lieutenant who ‘wish(ed) to God he had not obeyed’ the ‘most unpleasant service (he) was ever ordered to execute’. Grenville displays Gardiner as the individual who has both characteristics of Silk and Rooke as he struggles to balance his ethical beliefs with his obligations. Gardiners words play a significant role in Rooke’s personal struggle as he knows that he will feel the same sense of guilt and shame if he obeys His Majesty’s orders. This, along with the suggestion that Rooke’s perspective of the expedition is one that is ‘barbaric, immoral and unnecessary,’ justifies Rooke’s insubordinate decision to disobey the ‘wicked plan’ and ultimately, break his obligation to the military and empire and follow his personal sense of duty to behave compassionately towards the natives.