Uni Stuff > The University Journey Journal
My Uni Journey
Seamus Wong:
Small Update:
I am currently feeling a bit uneasy.
Throughout my life I have always tried to do well in school.
However, even when I did manage to get good grades, I would always feel as if I didn't deserve them. I thought that it was much harder for me to achieve the grades that I did, compared to other people who also got the same grades.
I think the term for this feeling is 'Impostor syndrome'...
I am feeling this more than ever now that I have nearly fully coded my own trading algorithm. I never really thought that I could. And now looking at the (nearly) finished product, I am overcome with a feeling of disappointment rather than the joy and pride that I thought I would have felt when I was finished with the project.
The program is running exactly as I had planned, which is great. But I can't help but feel as if I didn't write it fast enough and didn't work on it as productively as I should have.
I feel like I could have easily finished it in half the amount of time that I actually took....
I don't know. Maybe I am saying this because in hindsight I realise how simple some of the problems that I challenged were. Maybe I did work productively and I am just putting myself down - I would like to believe this to be true, but I am pretty sure that the reason that I didn't finish it faster was because I was letting my perceptions of my capabilities limit me from operating at my full potential.
Maybe I have just finally realised that we are really actually more capable that we believe.
I hope I can learn from this experience and work a little bit smarter and a little bit harder from now on.
brothanathan:
--- Quote from: Seamus Wong on July 15, 2020, 12:20:59 am ---Small Update:
I am feeling this more than ever now that I have nearly fully coded my own trading algorithm. I never really thought that I could. And now looking at the (nearly) finished product, I am overcome with a feeling of disappointment rather than the joy and pride that I thought I would have felt when I was finished with the project.
The program is running exactly as I had planned, which is great. But I can't help but feel as if I didn't write it fast enough and didn't work on it as productively as I should have.
I feel like I could have easily finished it in half the amount of time that I actually took....
I don't know. Maybe I am saying this because in hindsight I realise how simple some of the problems that I challenged were. Maybe I did work productively and I am just putting myself down - I would like to believe this to be true, but I am pretty sure that the reason that I didn't finish it faster was because I was letting my perceptions of my capabilities limit me from operating at my full potential.
Maybe I have just finally realised that we are really actually more capable that we believe.
--- End quote ---
Don't wanna get lost in analysis paralysis. You might've been overwhelmed about being high performing. I believe you have an answer to that already.
Hang in there Seamus, you got this mate
Bri MT:
--- Quote from: Seamus Wong on July 15, 2020, 12:20:59 am ---
--- End quote ---
It can be easy to beat yourself up over not hitting 100% when you're trying to improve yourself (and so critically analysing the gaps) but I firmly believe that aiming for progress is far more productive than aiming for perfection. You're learning from yourself - you wouldn't have the journey if you were already at the destination.
It's great that you're developing and growing but I hope that seeing the spaces to grow doesn't keep stopping you from celebrating and enjoying the successes you're earning along the way.
Seamus Wong:
Thanks guys :)
I guess as long as I am moving forward then I shouldn't feel too bad about myself.
Seamus Wong:
UPDATE
General
Holidays are unfortunately nearly over :(
I am definitely going to miss this casual and relaxed schedule that I have had over the past month.
I'm pretty excited for uni to begin again actually - I am very very very keen on starting FIT1008 - Introduction to Computer Science. I got given all the resources for this unit from a friend, but I didn't really go through much of it at all as I was focusing on my own projects. I think I might get into the material this week.
I really hope we get to go back on campus after lockdown - though I don't think that is likely going to happen given the case numbers lately.
I don't think I'll mind online learning though tbh since last term kinda got me used to how lectures and labs/tutes functioned online, and I wouldn't mind not having to worry about packing lunch and commuting and waking up early etc.
Semester 1 results also came back yesterday. I did meh. I was happy that I didn't fail FIT1047 and surprised that I got the mark that I did, but I still wasn't satisfied with my overall performance because I know that I really really really could've easily done a lot better. This semester hopefully should go a lot smoother and I should get some better marks.
PRODUCTIVITY
I've been quite productive lately.
I haven't been reading books as much as I wanted to, but my day is always occupied with productive work - mainly programming and reading material relevant to my programming projects.
I am no longer drawn to my phone or to YouTube or to Facebook or to talking online with friends, and this really has helped in 'decluttering' my mind - I can think more clearly, refocus much easier, and I really feel so much better at the end of the day because I don't regret anything that I did during the day.
FITNESS
I no longer am working out with my friend and it sucks because it was so motivating with him.
Anyway, I'm still working out consistently. I am getting quite bigger and much of it is muscle and not fat which is good (I'm 'lean bulking' which means I eat a lot more food than usual, but it's mostly healthy low fat high protein meals).
I try to run twice a week as well. I'm slow asf but I make sure that I never stop while I'm on my runs, even if it means I have to 'run' at a pace slower than walking lol.
I like running more than weight lifting - I run at night and it's always so calm. Kinda helps with refreshing my mind actually. I want to get bigger tho so I have to lift and not run as much.
Food is not good atm. I am seriously slacking with the frequency of my meals. I mostly eat healthy stuff, but I don't eat enough throughout the day because I cbf cooking. I need to stop being lazy and cook more or else my gains are gong to go away. Diet is the most important thing when it comes to building muscle or losing weight.
Projects
My projects are going well atm. Don't really have much to say about them yet. All I can say is that this algo trading project that I worked on during these holidays has been a very very good learning experience, and I am planning on making some more.
-------------------
That's it - I am feeling pretty 'zen' atm. Hopefully I can remain in this state as the work piles on during Semester 2.
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