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HSC English Standard Trials Revision Lecture Thread

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Nathan C:

--- Quote from: angewina_naguen on July 24, 2020, 12:09:45 am ---Hope this helps and let me know if you have any further questions!

--- End quote ---

I don't have any questions at the moment, the feedback is incredibly clear :) thank you so much again for the feedback it is really helpful and I will definitely have a look at the website.

angewina_naguen:

--- Quote from: steph.rinos on July 14, 2020, 05:44:18 pm ---Hi! Thank you for your very helpful lecture yesterday. Here is my response to your practice question.  :)

Connection is represented as an essential feature when showcasing human experiences. When displaying the importance of connection, composers are able to generate a personal reflection and ignite new ideas from within the audience.

Text one reveals how modern technology has indoctrinated the lives and experiences of individuals. The cartoon illustrates through the use of symbolism, social media apps that are disconnecting individuals from the ‘authentic human connection’. The salient positioning of the ship in the foreground helps display how disconnected the individual and collective are from one another. The vector and positioning of small individuals floating slowly away on iPhones uncovers their insignificance but also desire for connection. The evocative dialogue ‘help’ and ‘Oh my god, where drifting away!’ exhibits their longing for connection in their unconnected world. Thus, text one conveys how technology can explore and lead to the demise of connection as individuals turn to technology as a means of feeling connected.

Text two invites the audience to engage and connect themselves to the experience of hiking. The use of collective pronoun ‘we’ along with sensory olfactory, visual and auditory imagery ‘we are meant to engage with nature, the smells of the trees, the sounds of the birds, the rhythm of your walking—the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly’ helps position the audience to feel a deep connection to place and the joys of being surrounded in nature. The repetition of ‘own’ ‘to go off, on your own accord, on your own to feet’ highlights how the connection to nature can bring full fullness to one’s self. The use of a rhetorical question ‘And how can we save nature without understanding it’ connects the responder to the want to protect the natural beauty that nature gives off. Therefore, connections are required to understand and appreciate the full beauty of place.

Text one and two provide difference into the experience of connection. Whilst text one conveys the neglected abuse of connection amongst people and how technology changes and shapes peoples level of connection, Text two appreciates the connection of nature and invites the audience to experience the joyful content nature that being outdoors and hiking brings.

--- End quote ---

Hey, Steph!

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting your response ;D Here are my thoughts!

Feedback
- Your thesis that responds directly to the question and engages deeply with the logic of concept-prescribed focus-audience impact. The effectiveness of it is evident in the way the rest of the response sustains an effective judgement and presents convincing arguments.

- You engage with a wealth of examples and relevant techniques to explore connection as a key idea. I particularly enjoyed the analysis you conducted for the visual text! As a piece of advice, whenever you have to deal with multiple imageries, you can use "synaesthesia" as a technique instead. Here is how you might express it using the example you chose; "The use of collective pronoun ‘we', along with the synaesthesia of olfactory, visual and auditory sensations in ‘we are meant to engage with nature, the smells of the trees, the sounds of the birds, the rhythm of your walking..."

- Your attempt at synthesis is commendable! You distinguish the differences between the two texts with flair and control over language. Do make sure though to, at the very end, have a "Nevertheless, both texts" style sentence that shows the common perspective they share on the human experience, especially in relation to the question. You might have discussed the way both texts urge audiences to reflect upon their engagement with the external world and to form more meaningful connections in their own lives.

Feedforward
- In future, make sure you use double quotation marks (" ") whenever you are quoting text in your responses. This is another one of those unspoken rules which nobody tells you about. Single quotations are reserved specifically for when you are quoting dialogue like this; "Timothy knew something was up. 'You could not hide a thing from me, Marie.'"

- Another thing to note is to capitalise "Text" when you are discussing it. NESA generally writes it with numerals (so Text 1, as opposed to Text One) but if your Trials decides to go with using the words instead, you should also capitalise the word since it is a title  :)

- Your linking sentences summarise and reinforce your raised points well. I only would suggest having a stronger reference to the audience to have more of your personal voice come out. Ask yourself what the audience gains from examining these two texts separately, as well as highlighting their effectiveness in educating us about connection together.

Hope this makes sense and wishing you all the best with your Trials!

Angelina  ;D

angewina_naguen:

--- Quote from: keh204 on July 14, 2020, 07:41:15 pm ---Hey Angelina, just wanted to say thanks for the lecture yesterday it was literally a lifesaver because honestly, I've been so clueless about English lately and your lecture just simplified everything! I wanted to try out that response you set although maybe I rambled on a bit I'm not entirely sure but hopefully you get around to reading it because the feedback would be much appreciated!

Thanks again! ;D
-

Connection acts as a catalyst for human experiences in which it allows individuals to establish unfamiliar forms of perceiving the world. In turn, encouraging the audience to challenge and acknowledge a diverse range of encounters as a method of further developing one’s personal experiences.

Text 1 evidently reveals the significant impact that modern technology has had on the functions of contemporary society, in which its advancements have encouraged the disconnection of ‘authentic human connection’ in a physical sense and instead individuals have adopted a more electronic communication method as part of their differing worldly perspectives. Based on this sense of disengagement, the use of salient positioning of the sinking ship in the background expresses the substantial decrease of proper human interaction due to the interference of technology, causing individuals to experience a disconnection between their own kind in a physical sense, therefore, placing stress and despair in the emotive tone of the dialogue “Help”, further emphasising the dependency individuals have on social networking in order to communicate with other in a less ‘authentic’ way. Furthermore, the composer highlights the vector lines in correlation with the allegory portrayed in the separation of social media and technological devices from the ‘authentic human connection’ ship to illustrate the lack of physical relationships and human interactions that individuals in the modern age engage in, thus causing a state of isolation where our reliance on social media to connect with others prevails as the new societal norm and ultimately causes a detrimental impact in the way we collectively establish proper relationships based on emotional connections. Therefore, it is evident that Text 1 effectively conveys the interference of modern technology, specifically social media in the development of genuine human interactions, hence emphasising the significant contribution this has on the establishment of unfamiliar worldly perspectives and personal experiences.

Text 2 prompts the audience to expose and broaden their experiences in order to truly establish a sense of connection within one’s natural environment specifically through hiking. The use of pleonasm and repetition of ‘on’ in “To go off, on your own accord, on your own two feet, is truly a blessing.” ultimately signifies the deep value the author has of hiking and the independence an individual is able to gain from engaging in this activity, therefore properly establishing one’s true appreciation and acknowledgement as they broaden their
opportunities to connect with the beauty of nature and further develop their personal experiences in diverse encounters like hiking. Additionally, the metaphorical use of sensory visual, olfactory and auditory imagery and inclusive language evident in, “We are meant to engage with nature, the smell of trees, the sounds of birds, the rhythm of your walking - the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly.” describes the deep connection that individuals are encouraged to express whilst being surrounded by the enjoyment and beauty of nature as it compliments the human existence by allowing individuals to recognise its deeper essence despite its appealing physical exterior such as health benefits, therefore inviting them to share this individual experience more collectively to allow others to develop a more unique interpretation of the world. Furthermore, the oxymoron and exciting tone in, “It can be a little boring at times - in the best possible way!”, highlights the common thought process/norm people believe hiking is like, however, the enthusiasm of the author’s personal experiences speaks otherwise and invites the audience to participate in this activity in order to successfully gather their own sense of appreciation and connection towards the natural environment.

Conclusively, whilst Text 1 comprehensively explores the disconnection of an individual's relationships based on the interference of modern-day technological advancements, Text 2 contrastingly demonstrates the significant influence that one’s association with unfamiliar surroundings have in discovering their sense of appreciation and value for worldly experiences. Nevertheless, both texts allow the audience to obtain relevant insight into the differentiating connection an individual establishes as a concept of their collective human experiences.

--- End quote ---

Hey, keh204!

Welcome to the forums  :D I'm really pleased to hear you found the lecture beneficial and hope you also find the feedback useful  :D

Feedback
- Your thesis is well-written and launches the marker right into the judgement your response is fixated on. The strength of this thesis enables you to sustain a highly convincing discussion on the prescribed focus of connection throughout. I would only point out that the second sentence technically isn't a completed sentence; it should include the subject and say something like "In turn, Text 1 and 2 encourage the audience to challenge and acknowledge a diverse range of encounters as a method of further developing one’s personal experiences."

- Your chosen examples and associated techniques are analysed with great depth. I particularly enjoyed the pleonasm example because it is such a delightful technique to analyse. I do think you wrote far more than you might have needed to for the 8 marks so perhaps have a go writing this all out and seeing if it is feasible for you to complete a response of this length under timed conditions, especially keeping in mind that you have other questions to do as well.

- Your linking sentences are exemplar and your synthesis facilitates effective comparison at the conclusion of your response. The only suggestion I have is for the first body paragraph's linking sentence which is missing an audience impact reference but otherwise, they were next to flawless.

Feedforward
- Some of your sentences are quite long which is not so much a criticism but rather an observation. When proofreading your responses under exam conditions, see whether you are able to divide some of your long sentences into two more manageable ones for the marker to read and register.

- I noticed you tried to have two techniques for the same example which is perfectly fine here and there but can be problematic because you might find yourself writing too much. Perhaps limit yourself to maybe only using two techniques for an example once in each body paragraph to show your marker you are capable of identifying more than one technique in the same quote but keep the rest simple and effective.

- To also write with more succinctness, I would encourage tidying your expression. I have a few suggestions to keep in mind! For example, "the use of" is a student favourite that I personally recommend not using because it really does not add anything to your writing. Instead of saying "The use of salient positioning...", you could simply just say "Salient positioning..." Another tendency that I also share in my writing is to include as many details as possible when you really only need to include the most important one. For example, you don't have to write out "in order to successfully gather their own sense of appreciation and connection towards the natural environment." You could just say "in order to successfully connect with the natural environment themselves." The word "appreciation" isn't wrong but it isn't as key to the sentence as everything else. Finally, you can shorten something bulky like this down to something more comprehensive and nuanced.

Student AnalysisAdditionally, the metaphorical use of sensory visual, olfactory and auditory imagery and inclusive language evident in, “We are meant to engage with nature, the smell of trees, the sounds of birds, the rhythm of your walking - the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly.” describes the deep connection that individuals are encouraged to express whilst being surrounded by the enjoyment and beauty of nature as it compliments the human existence by allowing individuals to recognise its deeper essence despite its appealing physical exterior such as health benefits, therefore inviting them to share this individual experience more collectively to allow others to develop a more unique interpretation of the world.
More Concise VersionAdditionally, the sensory imagery and inclusive language evident in, “We are meant to engage with nature, the smell of trees, the sounds of birds, the rhythm of your walking - the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly” describes the deep connection that individuals are encouraged to express whilst being surrounded nature. This allows individuals to recognise the deeper essence of their environment and, therefore, inviting them to share this individual experience to the wider world.
This comes with more timed practice where your brain is forced to automatically filter out all the extra fluff and to ensure you convey the most important information in your response.

Hope this helps and all the best with your Trials!

Angelina  ;D

angewina_naguen:

--- Quote from: sfernandoooo on July 14, 2020, 11:54:54 pm ---Connection is an integral human experience universal to all humans. However, the modern drive for technology hinders authentic relationship between individuals and nature has stepped up to help the modern world jump over this hurdle.

Text one illustrates the current technologically centred society through the allusion made to the titanic. We all know that when the Titanic began slinking, people started jumping to the see. Likewise in the text, one people are shown to be rescued by phones - more specifically social networking platforms. this illustration clearly depicts this society's struggle as now people connections are preserved within social media. Text one further depicts the extent of disruption done to human connections by social media as the visual representation illustrates how the sea which is a representation of the world is segregated into categories of social networking sites. The composer of text one is Adversely in text 2, the composer almost depicts the society as if it was a few decades back as the composers love for hiking doesn't align with the contemporary mindset. The listing used in "we are meant to engage with nature, smell the trees, the sounds of the birds", convey the underlying bond the persona has with nature. Furthermore, the pauses made evident through the commas hints to us that the person's mindset is tranquil as he is taking his time experiencing every bit of nature. When comparing text one with text two, it is obvious that the person in text two is providing a solution to the adversity of preserving connections faced by contemporary society. Hence, the main difference between text one and two is the representation of "connections" and the struggle the contemporary society face when ignoring the universal human quality of connection.

--- End quote ---

Hey, sfernandoooo!

Last but not least  8) Thanks for sharing your response to this question  :D Here is my feedback!

Feedback
- Your thesis is on the right track! It makes a good attempt at exploring the key word of the question and developing a judgement upon it based on the interplay between connection and disconnection as a result of the external world. I felt like your thesis needed a bit more specificity though to strengthen it and really enable you to explore "an aspect of the human experience." To do this, you should choose one of the rubric statements and allow your response to focus more directly on it ("individual and collective human experiences", "storytelling to reflect and express..." and so forth).

- Your quotes are well-chosen and reflect the intended arguments you are raising. I think your analysis needs more concrete references to the module and the ideas it explores surrounding the human experience. It seems more like you are drawing assumptions more from your knowledge outside of English, like with the Titanic example. I would advise revisiting the module to incorporate its concepts more naturally into your responses and to enable them to have more relevance to the question as a result.

- You make a solid attempt to facilitate comparison and synthesise your ideas at the conclusion of the response. This could have been strengthened further by inserting a clearer reference to audience impact and how the texts, when viewed together, enlighten us about the nature of connection. You do this somewhat by referring to "contemporary society" but the words "audience" or "we/us" bring out your personal voice more effectively.

Feedforward
- As I mentioned to Steph as well, remember to capitalise "Text" when you are discussing it. NESA generally writes it with numerals (so Text 1, as opposed to Text One) but if your Trials decides to go with using the words instead, you should also consistently capitalise the word since it is a title  :)

- Aim to keep your writing as much formal and sophisticated as possible. You should avoid using contractions like "doesn't", expressions like "as if", and generalisations like "it is obvious." For these examples, you might want to write "does not", "as though" and "it can be understood" instead  :)

- Overall, the response structurally works but perhaps separating the discussion of the two texts into two bodies and the comparison/synthesis into an independent conclusion could have made your response easier to navigate. While it may not appear as huge of a deal to you as the student, it makes a world of a difference to the marker because they can see you signposting where your distinct ideas are into sections.

Hope the feedback helps with your revision and let me know if you have any other questions!

Angelina  ;D

slothologist:

--- Quote from: angewina_naguen on July 23, 2020, 09:51:15 pm ---Hey, Slothologist!

Glad to hear that the lecture helped with giving you the motivation to study for English! Your Trials are the last of the internal assessments you have so power through them; you're almost there  8) Here are my comments for your response!

Feedback
- You interpreted the question in a highly desirable way and sustain a focus on connection as a key idea common across both texts in your response. Perhaps a clearer distinction between the texts on how they represent connection in relation to the "man-made" and the "natural" could have been raised but I was able to grasp it from you discussing it with the themes of technology and the "natural environment."

- Your response has been well-structured and you achieve skilled comparison and synthesis between the two texts. I can see that you followed the recommended structure I provided in the lecture quite closely which has worked favourably for you. You provided sufficient textual evidence with excellent analysis to support the arguments you constructed in the body paragraphs.

- The audience impact links you made at the end of each section are effective in providing and reinforcing your personal judgement. WIth more practice, this will come naturally under exam conditions and you can find yourself discussing it with more personal flair. If ever in doubt, remember that there are audience impact statements ready from the rubric ("challenge assumptions", "ignite new ideas" etc.) which you can develop into your very own. I would encourage ensuring you consider this in lead up to your Trials and the HSC!


Feedforward
- Consider choosing only one of the rubric statements from the Common Module to narrow your response further. You chose two great pathways to explore the idea of "connection" but the response itself integrated multiple rubric concepts ("human qualities", "anomalies, paradoxes, inconsistencies" etc.) which prevented you from exploring "an aspect of the human experience" in more depth. I found your synthesis on the differences in motivations and behaviours at the end really engaging and you could revise the response to make this the main conceptual focus for the entire response if you wanted to re-attempt it.

- Under exam conditions, writing out the quotes you used in full consumes a lot of time. You can instead omit the less important parts (the parts not relevant to the technique you are analysing) using ellipses. For example, the quote you chose to demonstrate the use of personal pronouns in Text 2 could be summarised like this; "I could go on forever...I truly believe that it is the best way to understand nature." You need to make sure the quote still makes sense (so don't just go removing a bunch of random words) but this way, you only include the exact evidence you need for the analysis.

- Super nitpicky but avoid using informal expressions like "via" in future responses. They are quite tempting to write and feel most natural but can reduce the levels of sophistication you are striving for. Wherever you feel like using "via", for example, use "through" instead  :) This can also be something to keep in mind when you are proofreading through your response at the end if you have time.

- Overall, a well done response that demonstrates a high degree of style and critical thinking  :D Thanks for sharing!

--- End quote ---

Hi Angela!

Thank you for taking the time to write the feedbacks!
I have edited my response a little bit, but i am not sure if i have changed it much. So if you do have some time, would you be able to check my work please? Thank you so much!!

Composers draw on personal experiences of their perception of the world through a different lens by igniting new ideas and aspects of the environment. This encourages audiences to expose and challenge themselves to new settings as a way of exploring qualities of the human experience through their connection to man-made technology and the natural environment.

Text 1 exposes the significance of man-made technology through the symbolic logos of social media apps to represent how all platforms provides connections into individuals’ lives and cultures, establishing a network that engages and virtually exposes individuals to new perspectives of the world. Without the connection empowered by technology, the salient image of the sinking ship in correlation to the dialogue, “OH MY GOD! WE’RE DRIFTING AWAY!” symbolises individual’s fear of being detached from friends, which may lead to anxiety and despair. Further, the composer stresses the prominence of technology through the vector that reveals the separation of the figures grasping distinct social medias dispersed in the ocean to illustrate how separation may result in the collective experience of isolation and boredom. Therefore, Text 1 portrays how man-made technology is the ultimate connection to bringing individuals together into a community through virtual social interactions. Without man-made technology, individuals may be distant and enclosed from drawing personal experiences from the wider world.

Text 2 encourages audiences to expose and connect themselves to new activities and environments through the collective pronoun and sensory imagery, “we are meant to engage with nature, the smells of the trees, the sounds of the birds, the rhythm of your walking,” to reveal the composer’s perception of tranquillity and exposure to freedom and independence. Thus, audiences may be allured by the benefits of hiking that may contribute to concerns in modern society through factual references and hyperbole, “an endless list of well-documented benefits to your physical and mental wellbeing,” to express the composer’s devotion for nature. Furthermore, audiences are challenged to explore and appreciate new environments and activities through the personal pronoun, “I could go on forever… I truly believe that it is the best way to understand nature,” to reflect the composer’s personal experience of enjoyment, whilst providing a subjective response towards the composer’s connection to nature. Therefore, audiences are inspired to make connections to new places in order to expose themselves to new measures of the world.

While Text 1 explores the inconsistencies of individual’s behaviour through the impact of man-made technology of the wider world, Text 2 encourages audiences to attempt obstacles within the natural environment by engaging in new perspectives that will enable physical connections to aspects of the world. Nevertheless, both texts allow audiences to gain valuable insight into the complexity of human behaviours and motivations.


sLOth

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