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HSC English Standard Trials Revision Lecture Thread

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sfernandoooo:
Connection is an integral human experience universal to all humans. However, the modern drive for technology hinders authentic relationship between individuals and nature has stepped up to help the modern world jump over this hurdle.

Text one illustrates the current technologically centred society through the allusion made to the titanic. We all know that when the Titanic began slinking, people started jumping to the see. Likewise in the text, one people are shown to be rescued by phones - more specifically social networking platforms. this illustration clearly depicts this society's struggle as now people connections are preserved within social media. Text one further depicts the extent of disruption done to human connections by social media as the visual representation illustrates how the sea which is a representation of the world is segregated into categories of social networking sites. The composer of text one is Adversely in text 2, the composer almost depicts the society as if it was a few decades back as the composers love for hiking doesn't align with the contemporary mindset. The listing used in "we are meant to engage with nature, smell the trees, the sounds of the birds", convey the underlying bond the persona has with nature. Furthermore, the pauses made evident through the commas hints to us that the person's mindset is tranquil as he is taking his time experiencing every bit of nature. When comparing text one with text two, it is obvious that the person in text two is providing a solution to the adversity of preserving connections faced by contemporary society. Hence, the main difference between text one and two is the representation of "connections" and the struggle the contemporary society face when ignoring the universal human quality of connection.

angewina_naguen:
Hey, everyone! This thread is now closed for marking. I will post some time this week some general feedback for all the responses submitted and will also post individual comments over the weekend.

Thank you for getting involved and watch this space closely!  :D

Angelina  ;D

angewina_naguen:
Hey, everyone! Sorry for the wait but here are some general feedback for the above responses  ;D

Areas of strength
- All responses dealt with the prescribed focus aspects of the question appropriately ("connection") and interpreted the unseen texts with this theme in mind. Using synonyms for "connection", such as "relationships", was also a smart move across the board because it demonstrated your breadth in vocabulary, alongside ensuring that the responses still related to the question. In your exams, make sure you are also constantly referring back to the key word/s of the question as well!

-The examples chosen for each text are well-justified and supported with analysis. Everyone worked with relevant techniques to develop interesting discussions and to draw comparisons between the texts. I am particularly impressed by how everyone approached Text One with both visual and written techniques which is definitely ideal for exam responses as well when you are dealing with images.

Areas to work on
- For some responses, having a stronger connection to a rubric concept would have been ideal. Generally, everyone made an attempt at choosing rubric concepts but since the question was just asking for "an aspect of the human experience", there were a few divergences in arguments. This might also have reduced some of the lengthier responses to a more fixed judgement and two clearer pathways for discussion. "Individual and collective human experiences" is usually the safest concept to work with but "human qualities and emotions" could have also worked quite nicely with this question.

- It is important though that you write concisely, given that these responses would be written under exam conditions. Some small tips for this include shortening your quotes (only include the parts of the quote which contains the technique you're exploring; otherwise, you can use ellipses to omit the less important bits of it), keeping your sentences short or moderate in length (if you feel like you're still rambling, find a comfortable spot to put a full stop and just start a new sentence) and avoiding clunky expressions ("the use of juxtaposition enables..." can be shortened to just "juxtaposition enables..." or "this quote from the first stanza of the poem" to "initially, the poem explores...").

- Linking sentences are looking great and round off your arguments quite effectively! What some are missing though is the key word "audience." This is how you can best show personal voice in your response and to demonstrate your understanding of not just the effect of the text, but its impact on the reader. As a general piece of advice, all your linking sentences should use the words "audience" or "us" etc. to successfully address the text's purpose in relation to the human experience.

Hope these help and thanks for reading! I will be posting individual comments as soon as I get a chance  ;D

Angelina  ;D

angewina_naguen:

--- Quote from: slothologist on July 14, 2020, 02:20:14 pm ---Hi Angela!

Thank you for hosting the lecture! I feel alot more motivated to do English :)

Here is my response to your practice question. I don't think i answered the question right. Some feedback would be very well appreciated. Thank you so much :) :)


Composers draw on personal experiences of their perception of the world through a different lens by igniting new ideas and aspects of the environment. This encourages audiences to expose and challenge themselves to new surroundings as a way of connecting and exploring qualities of the human experience.

Text 1 exposes the significance of modern technology through the symbolic logos of social media apps to represent how all platforms provides connections into individuals’ lives and cultures, establishing a network that engages and virtually exposes individuals to new perspectives of the world. Without the connection empowered by technology, the salient image of the sinking ship in correlation to the dialogue (thought), “OH MY GOD! WE’RE DRIFTING AWAY!” symbolises individual’s fear of being detached from the other people, which may lead to anxiety and despair. Further, the composer stresses the prominence of technology through the vector that reveals the separation of the figures grasping distinct social medias dispersed in the ocean to illustrate how separation may result in the collective experience of isolation and boredom. Therefore, Text 1 portrays how modern technology is the ultimate connection to bringing individuals together into a community via virtual social interactions. Without technology, individuals may be distant and enclosed from drawing personal experiences from the wider world.

Text 2 encourages audiences to expose and connect themselves to new activities and environments through the collective pronoun and sensory imagery, “we are meant to engage with nature, the smells of the trees, the sounds of the birds, the rhythm of your walking,” to reveal the composer’s perception of tranquillity and exposure to freedom and independence. Thus, audiences may be allured by the benefits of hiking that may contribute to concerns in modern society through factual references and hyperbole, “an endless list of well-documented benefits to your physical and mental wellbeing,” to express the composer’s deep connection and motivations to nature. Furthermore, audiences are challenged to explore and appreciate new environments and activities through the personal pronoun, “I could go on forever about how much I love hiking. I truly believe that it is the best way to understand nature,” to reflect the composer’s personal experience of enjoyment, whilst providing a subjective response to the individual’s connection to nature. Therefore, audiences are inspired to make connections to nature in order to expose themselves to new measures of the world.
 
While Text 1 explores the inconsistencies of individual’s behaviour through the impact of modern technology of the wider world, Text 2 encourages audiences to attempt obstacles by engaging in new perspectives that will allow them to physically connect to aspects of the environmental world. Nevertheless, both texts allow audiences to gain valuable insight into complex human behaviours and motivations.

Slothologist

--- End quote ---

Hey, Slothologist!

Glad to hear that the lecture helped with giving you the motivation to study for English! Your Trials are the last of the internal assessments you have so power through them; you're almost there  8) Here are my comments for your response!

Feedback
- You interpreted the question in a highly desirable way and sustain a focus on connection as a key idea common across both texts in your response. Perhaps a clearer distinction between the texts on how they represent connection in relation to the "man-made" and the "natural" could have been raised but I was able to grasp it from you discussing it with the themes of technology and the "natural environment."

- Your response has been well-structured and you achieve skilled comparison and synthesis between the two texts. I can see that you followed the recommended structure I provided in the lecture quite closely which has worked favourably for you. You provided sufficient textual evidence with excellent analysis to support the arguments you constructed in the body paragraphs.

- The audience impact links you made at the end of each section are effective in providing and reinforcing your personal judgement. WIth more practice, this will come naturally under exam conditions and you can find yourself discussing it with more personal flair. If ever in doubt, remember that there are audience impact statements ready from the rubric ("challenge assumptions", "ignite new ideas" etc.) which you can develop into your very own. I would encourage ensuring you consider this in lead up to your Trials and the HSC!


Feedforward
- Consider choosing only one of the rubric statements from the Common Module to narrow your response further. You chose two great pathways to explore the idea of "connection" but the response itself integrated multiple rubric concepts ("human qualities", "anomalies, paradoxes, inconsistencies" etc.) which prevented you from exploring "an aspect of the human experience" in more depth. I found your synthesis on the differences in motivations and behaviours at the end really engaging and you could revise the response to make this the main conceptual focus for the entire response if you wanted to re-attempt it.

- Under exam conditions, writing out the quotes you used in full consumes a lot of time. You can instead omit the less important parts (the parts not relevant to the technique you are analysing) using ellipses. For example, the quote you chose to demonstrate the use of personal pronouns in Text 2 could be summarised like this; "I could go on forever...I truly believe that it is the best way to understand nature." You need to make sure the quote still makes sense (so don't just go removing a bunch of random words) but this way, you only include the exact evidence you need for the analysis.

- Super nitpicky but avoid using informal expressions like "via" in future responses. They are quite tempting to write and feel most natural but can reduce the levels of sophistication you are striving for. Wherever you feel like using "via", for example, use "through" instead  :) This can also be something to keep in mind when you are proofreading through your response at the end if you have time.

- Overall, a well done response that demonstrates a high degree of style and critical thinking  :D Thanks for sharing!

angewina_naguen:

--- Quote from: Nathan C on July 14, 2020, 05:05:03 pm ---Hi, hope you are doing well. Thanks for the lecture yesterday and thank you very much in advance.

   Both texts explore different routes connection to oneself have taken because of the collective’s morals. Text 2 analyses the benefits of hiking has on allowing us as an individual to have some time to clear our minds and be able to properly connect to our thoughts and surroundings. This is often difficult to achieve in the society we live in that Text 1 demonstrates through people surrounding themselves with social media.
   Text 2 addresses how being able to “go off, on your own accord, on your own two feet, is truly a blessing”. The repetition reinforces the individual connection to ourselves when you can leave behind “monotony of suburbia with the joys of nature”. When “anxiety and depression” are becoming the collective human experience, hiking provides a mean of “providing incredible stress relief and helping to ease symptoms of anxiety and depression”.
   Text 1 explores the other side, the side of the new collective human experience driven by social media. In the picture it has the people hanging onto different social media platforms, it is a metaphor on how people rely so heavily on social media, that without it we would drown. As the cartoon people drift further away from the ability to connect to ourselves, symbolised by the ocean carrying them away from the “AUTHENTIC HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS” ship. It is in clear contrast to text 2, that this text demonstrates the issues of the collective drifting further away shown through the metaphor and symbolism of the social media rafts.

I tried to keep this in line of what I could do in a test with the limited time and my limited handwriting speed, thanks again.
Nathan

--- End quote ---

Hey, Nathan!

I have been doing well! Very busy with Trials marking but keeping the momentum up so I can support the Class of 2020 the best I can  :D Here are my thoughts for your response!

Feedback
- You develop a well-thought-out thesis on connection and direct your judgement towards the "individual and collective human experiences" rubric statement. It might have been worth looking at either how individual and collective human experiences are represented in both texts OR to assign one or the other to a specific text (Text 1 is more on the collective side and Text 2 is more individual) to create some more consistency in your arguments.

- Your response is well-structured and deals with the question in a cohesive manner. In future responses, try to discuss the texts in the order that they are presented in the paper. This is an unspoken expectation which I wish was something that was clarified more explicitly but even from a logically point of view, it would make more sense to analyse Text 1 before Text 2, Text 2 before Text 4 and so forth.

- Some good examples are chosen for your analysis in support of your judgement. Just make sure you are always associating any quote you use with a technique. In your Text 1 analysis, aside from the first technique you mentioned, you are only supplying quotes for the marker, not analysis and evaluation. It might also be worth revising some visual techniques to avoid repetition in your analysis. Here is a really helpful glossary with some practice texts included at the bottom that I would recommend looking into!

Feedforward
- It was great to see you taking into account how much you could write realistically under timed conditions. However, you needed to elaborate a little further on each text to not only lengthen the response but elevate the overall quality of your analysis. This can be improved by developing your handwriting speed and attempting more responses under exam conditions.

- As a general tip, refer to any visual texts by their form (for Text 1, this was a cartoon). This is usually indicated in the unseen texts booklet as the title so be sure to identify it as such in your response as well. Generic terms like "picture" or "piece" are technically correct but they don't show as much of an awareness for textual form as the real term  :)

- Finally, your response requires a higher degree of personal voice which can be resolved from making clear and convicted references to audience impact. Make sure your linking sentences include the word "audience" and use this to guide you into arguing what the purposes of the texts are, especially in relation to the human experience. If you are stuck, use the audience impact statements readily provided by the rubric ("see the world differently", "ignite new ideas" etc.) to start off practising this. Once you are more comfortable, you can start using your own expressions!

Hope this helps and let me know if you have any further questions!

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