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English standard: Mod A Pygmalion essay

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sophieHSC2020:
Hi I am very weak in English and any feedback/help would be very much appreciated. Thank you <3 :)

The Cat In The Hat:

--- Quote from: sophieHSC2020 on September 21, 2020, 01:20:25 pm ---Hi I am very weak in English and any feedback/help would be very much appreciated. Thank you <3 :)

--- End quote ---
I skimmed it (I did Pygmalion in year 9, and remember part of it) and came up with these things:
-Cut down on storytelling and analyse a bit more
-The analysis there is e.g. Eliza and the slippers is good, it's just a bit repetitive and needs more analysis
-More examples needed
-Topic sentences a little repetitive
-Conciseness needed
-Good overall structure (in picking what to put into the body paragraphs etc.) although a little too much example-showing in the introduction (just talk about Eliza, Freddy etc., not the slippers, etc.)
-I wouldn't call this 'very weak', just not high scoring (if you see the difference)
-Overall, a good start, even though it still needs work (that's what studying's for!) :)

Note I'm a VCE student so I'm going off VCE stuff/standards. But I hope this helps :)

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