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[English] "Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard" language analysis

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ech_93:
What would be classified as more 'sophisticated techniques?'

There was analysis of the picture in there... :/

Thanks for the advice tea.towel! :)

azngirl456:
The 2nd draft you've written is a better version :)

@tea.towel, her analysis of the picture was in the second paragraph...yeh I know you said you skimmed, but just pointing it out

I think what tea.towel meant sohisticated techniques was stuff like perforative language, negatively connotated words, lack of euphemisms, anaphora, repetition etc that are present in bolt's article.

Oh and I didn't critique the conclusion because I'm good at writing them. However slumdawg posted a general outline in my essay thread

ech_93:
Thanks azngirl456.
I don't know what half of those techniques even mean :/ haha. I will look them up though.
No worries, i will have a look in your thread.
 :)

HERculina:
Hey, I was half-way critiquing your 1st essay, wen my internet stuffed up. And wen it finally did worked again, I realized you wrote up a 2nd copy. But here it is anyway, in case it mite help you :)

--- Quote from: ech_93 on January 30, 2011, 11:41:01 am ---Language analysis

Over the past few years more and more better word could be used here, or just write one "more" not two, as it sounds a bit informal refugees, also known as ‘boat people’ why are you telling us this? irrelevant., have died in an attempt to flee to Christmas Island. After the recent accident where a boat crashed into cliffs and took many lives, Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece titled ‘Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard’.  In this piece, written on the 17th of December and found in the Herald Sun you should include this information in the previous sentence instead rather than this one: "Andrew Bolt wrote an opinion piece published on the 17th of December in the Herald Sun titled..." [well something like that] , Bolt contends that these tragic losses are a result of Gillard’s lenient laws good.. Bolt maintains an irritated tone throughout the article, whilst using a photograph, statistics and emotive languages as his main persuasive techniques.

The main persuasive technique used is a colour photograph.it sounds like your writing this because you're being asked to find techniques. Maybe extend the topic sentence and write a general comment on the way this technique influences the audience This photograph is firstly used to draw the reader’s attention to the article why? how?. Waves crashing down around a small and poorly-built boat are pictured which causes the reader worry and curiosity to what is in the article yay,you explained it here. Bolt’s opinion piece is nicely complimented by the dramatic photograph because the real-life footage adds legitimacy to the issue that write something like: , emphasizing that the ‘boat people’ are in danger.

Throughout the article Bolt adds statistics as another form of evidence wah? wat was the other evidence. You can always refer to statistics as statistical evidence btw. He uses statistics to shock the reader and prove that Gillard is to blame for the deaths of the refugees. Bolt explains he doesnt really explain it. He 'reveals' or 'demonstrates'that after Gillard made law reforms the amount of boats have climbed “from three a year...to almost 200 this year alone.” This statistic alone is horrifying how does this affect the readers?. He then adds that “the death toll since Labor's changes had reached 25.”  The reader is now more likely to accept the Bolt’s contention because he leaves the audience feeling worried by the seriousness of Gillard weakening the ‘boat people’ laws.
make this another paragraphAnother persuasive technique used is attacks. These attacks are used to position the reader to agree with Bolt, and oppose Gillard’s opinions and thoughts. “They certainly weren't fleeing a war, as Gillard deceitfully implied,” Bolt uses this to make Gillard’s arguments less genuine sentence structuring a bit confusing. Maybe write 'Bolt uses' before you write the quote. This technique is successful in persuading dont say that he is successful with the technique as it is your own opinionas attacks on Gillard leave the reader questioning the validity of her side.

Bolt uses a variety of smaller techniques to emphasise the irritated tone of his piece. The first technique used is rhetorical questions, which engage the reader and force them to consider the author’s proposition. The author asks “Before the next boat sinks, or after?” and..? Secondly, Bolt uses an anecdote of a refugee, “The (Australian) Government has changed now. It's good for refugees there.” This shows that even the refugees know that the laws are not as strict. Thirdly, the article uses emotive language when Bolt describes the people who “drown[ed] were lured to their deaths...by [the] government.” This language makes the situation more graphic. The combined effect of these techniques makes the reader consider the issue as a whole and add importance to the issue of weakening refugee laws.

Say something before this reminding us of the contentionBy using a photograph, statistics and other persuasive techniques the author is able to persuade the audience to adopt his contention. By presenting this article in the ways described above Bolt successfully argues that Gillard’s weakened laws are doing more harm than good to the refugees.


Sorry for my lateness, any feedback will be much appreciated! :)
And, how do we do the hyperlinking ? :/

--- End quote ---

Good job ech_93. :)
Your essay seemed quite formulated. You explained some of the techniques well but sometimes you obviously didnt . Work on your topic sentences as they give the marker an impression on whether your paragraph is a good one or a bad one. Your introduction also needs improvement.

But overall, 5.5/10! [this is for your 1st one]
Skimming through your second one, I'd give it a 6.5/10! :D

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