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[English] "Don’t blame me, blame Julia Gillard" language analysis

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lexitu:
7-8: You need to do more than tell us what the writer is trying to suggest or have the reader feel - you need to say why in some instances. Sometimes you need to link to the big picture after that why. Also, not enough image discussion and explanation of how it complements the text specifically. That's where you can improve. Good work though :)

DNAngel:
For someone who hasn't written many LA before, this is quite impressive!  :)

I don't consider myself one of the best English students, but I can offer some advice for your piece:

- Your introduction should notify the reader that a picture accompanies the article
- In the second body paragraph, 'the writer throws a chain of statistics at the audience', I would of liked to have known what 'chain of statistics' is thrown (as someone has already said)  ;)
- A bit more evidence from the article

Other than those points I have just mentioned, your piece was coherent, logical and well-written overall.

I would give it a score of 8.5/10

Well Done  :)

Streaker:
7/10.

Improvements:

- A bit too much detail on what the author is trying to say rather than what the reader is supposed to feel. At the end of each device analysis, ask yourself: What is the writer trying to make the reader feel?

- In your third body paragraph (fourth paragraph in the essay), you list a plethora of quotes and evidence from the article with very little analysis. Perhaps try to include a little less evidence and focus more on trying to deeply analyse the most relevant evidence.

- In addition to my criticism above (about providing a lot of evidence and not enough analysis), you finish that paragraph with an 'umbrella'-like analysis which somewhat sums up all that evidence. Avoid this. Use word-level analysis (i.e. focusing on a particular word and then writing about how it is supposed to make the reader think or feel - be as specific as you can. E.g. 'casting mud on everyone but her' - write about how it provokes an image in the readers mind of something as grotesque as mud being hurled at everyone except her, subsequently positioning the readers to feel indignant at such a perceived injustice, or something along those lines.

Overall, a very fluent piece with sound expression and adequate use of evidence.

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