VCE Stuff > VCE English & EAL
language analysis criticism
Pencil:
--- Quote from: "melanie.dee" ---quick question. what is a school council exactly? im doing another analysis and trying to get a sense of audience.. i always thought a school council was student based.. but perhaps not, because that really wouldnt fit in with this.. so is it made of parents or teachers, or a mixture of all perhaps? thanks
--- End quote ---
yeah its parents and teachers. mainly parents though i think. at my school anyway
melanie.dee:
BA22.. nah it does make a difference in this imo. its on truancy. anyway we'll see once iv finished this haha which btw is not going well
thanks goosefraba!
melanie.dee:
god im having such issues at the moment i cant seem to make any sense with anything i write! is this any better?
article is here http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/vce/studies/english/pastexams/english02.pdf
---------------------
A rising level of student absenteeism has led to debate over the best way to deal with the increasingly significant problem. A proposal by school Principal Ms Smith suggesting the taking of a firmer line again truancy was met by responses from parents and community members equally expressing their views on the hot topic. Tom Frost, in his speech at a council meeting, downplayed the seriousness of truancy and argued that the proposal by Ms Smith was inproportionate to the problem. A letter by Rosemary Collins, an education consultant and parent, to Principal Ms Smith, assumes a measured tone to suggest that there are often complex reasons behind truancy, and that a rehabilitative rather than punitive approach is required to resolve the issue.
Frost asks us to ?not get too carried away? with the issue, suggesting that truancy has been sensationalised and exaggerated, and does not merit the ?hounding? approach that Ms Smith suggests taking. By referring to ?kids play [ing] truant?, Frost plays down the seriousness of the issue and evokes an image of harmlessness. The word ?kids? conveys a sense of innocence and right to lack of accountability for their actions, and attempts to create a sense of sympathy and understanding in the audience.
He contrasts this against the proposal of Ms Smith, stirring up the idea of inflexibility and extremity through the use of ?brick? imagery. He refers to the proposal as ?coming down on truancy like a ton of bricks? and kids ?hitting break walls? when all they are trying to do is ?find out about life first hand.? By setting up this ?uncaring schools against our poor kids? contrast, and vilifying the proposal of firmer measures, Frost attempts to garner sympathy and anger other parents in the audiences, aiming to persuade them that the proposal does not genuinely have their children?s best interests in mind, and hence positioning them along side his argument.
Frost reaches out again to other parents in the audience with a personal anecdote, as he recounts his daughter?s experience with bullying that drove her to requiring time out from school. By emotionalising the situation, he strives to gain the support of other parents who are primarily concerned with their children?s? well being, and who will emphathise with a reason such a bullying.
Collins, however, adopts a professional, balanced tone in an attempt to appeal to Ms Smith?s likely, as a Principal, appreciation for logic and thoughtful consideration. She largely avoids emotive language, and instead takes on an informative approach through the inclusion of researched statistics and ?departmental data? in which Ms Smith would be inclined to have confidence. Collins refers to what she has said as ?fact? rather than opinion, living little room for disagreement, and persuading Ms Smith to agree with what she has to say.
However Collins also links herself closely to the school, insisting that she is ?writing as a parent? with a genuine interest in solving the issue in ?our school community?. By defining herself as a part of the group rather than as an outsider, Collins aims to ensure that the letter does not translate itself as condescending or unwarranted, hence ensuring she does not insult or render indignant the Principal. Collins strongly asserts this position through the use of words such as ?collaboratively? and ?working group?, which too seek to further convey genuineity and willingness to help to Ms Smith, and hence persuade her to consider Collins? point of view. The purposeful avoidance of creating controversy or anger serves to attempt to avoid alienating Ms Smith, which would damage Collins? chances of gaining her support
The down to earth, personal speech of Frost, claiming Ms Smith?s proposal as an insensitive overreaction to ?kids playing truant?, makes a strong appeal to other parents in the audience, most likely effectively softening them towards the issue and gaining their support. He risks, however, alienating the teachers in the audience with his ?us against schools? undercurrent, damaging the prospect of equally gaining their consideration of his point of view. Rosemary Collins? letter to Principal Ms Smith maintains an effective balance of tone, competently asserting her objection to the proposed punitive response and rather suggesting that one consider the underlying reasons for truancy, while at the same time recognising the need to not insult or patronise Ms Smith if to be successful is gaining her consideration of the letter?s argument.
---------------------------
havnt read through it thorougly sorry if there are unfinished sentences or spelling/grammar mistakes. would love a range of criticisms and suggested marks please!
BA22:
--- Quote from: "melanie.dee" ---god im having such issues at the moment i cant seem to make any sense with anything i write! is this any better?
article is here http://www.vcaa.vic.edu.au/vce/studies/english/pastexams/english02.pdf
---------------------
A rising level of student absenteeism has led to debate over the best way to deal with the increasingly significant problem. A proposal by school Principal Ms Smith suggesting the taking of a firmer line again truancy was met by responses from parents and community members equally expressing their views on the hot topic. Tom Frost, in his speech at a council meeting, downplayed the seriousness of truancy and argued that the proposal by Ms Smith was inproportionate to the problem. A letter by Rosemary Collins, an education consultant and parent, to Principal Ms Smith, assumes a measured tone to suggest that there are often complex reasons behind truancy, and that a rehabilitative rather than punitive approach is required to resolve the issue.
Frost asks us to ?not get too carried away? with the issue, suggesting that truancy has been sensationalised and exaggerated, and does not merit the ?hounding? approach that Ms Smith suggests taking. By referring to ?kids play [ing] truant?, Frost plays down the seriousness of the issue and evokes an image of harmlessness. The word ?kids? conveys a sense of innocence and right to lack of accountability for their actions, and attempts to create a sense of sympathy and understanding in the audience.
He contrasts this against the proposal of Ms Smith, stirring up the idea of inflexibility and extremity through the use of ?brick? imagery. He refers to the proposal as ?coming down on truancy like a ton of bricks? and kids ?hitting break walls? when all they are trying to do is ?find out about life first hand.? By setting up this ?uncaring schools against our poor kids? contrast, and vilifying the proposal of firmer measures, Frost attempts to garner sympathy and anger other parents in the audiences, aiming to persuade them that the proposal does not genuinely have their children?s best interests in mind, and hence positioning them along side his argument.
Frost reaches out again to other parents in the audience with a personal anecdote, as he recounts his daughter?s experience with bullying that drove her to requiring time out from school. By emotionalising the situation, he strives to gain the support of other parents who are primarily concerned with their children?s? well being, and who will emphathise with a reason such a bullying.
Collins, however, adopts a professional, balanced tone in an attempt to appeal to Ms Smith?s likely, as a Principal, appreciation for logic and thoughtful consideration. She largely avoids emotive language, and instead takes on an informative approach through the inclusion of researched statistics and ?departmental data? in which Ms Smith would be inclined to have confidence. Collins refers to what she has said as ?fact? rather than opinion, living little room for disagreement, and persuading Ms Smith to agree with what she has to say.
However Collins also links herself closely to the school, insisting that she is ?writing as a parent? with a genuine interest in solving the issue in ?our school community?. By defining herself as a part of the group rather than as an outsider, Collins aims to ensure that the letter does not translate itself as condescending or unwarranted, hence ensuring she does not insult or render indignant the Principal. Collins strongly asserts this position through the use of words such as ?collaboratively? and ?working group?, which too seek to further convey genuineity and willingness to help to Ms Smith, and hence persuade her to consider Collins? point of view. The purposeful avoidance of creating controversy or anger serves to attempt to avoid alienating Ms Smith, which would damage Collins? chances of gaining her support
The down to earth, personal speech of Frost, claiming Ms Smith?s proposal as an insensitive overreaction to ?kids playing truant?, makes a strong appeal to other parents in the audience, most likely effectively softening them towards the issue and gaining their support. He risks, however, alienating the teachers in the audience with his ?us against schools? undercurrent, damaging the prospect of equally gaining their consideration of his point of view. Rosemary Collins? letter to Principal Ms Smith maintains an effective balance of tone, competently asserting her objection to the proposed punitive response and rather suggesting that one consider the underlying reasons for truancy, while at the same time recognising the need to not insult or patronise Ms Smith if to be successful is gaining her consideration of the letter?s argument.
---------------------------
havnt read through it thorougly sorry if there are unfinished sentences or spelling/grammar mistakes. would love a range of criticisms and suggested marks please!
--- End quote ---
Muuuuuuuuuuch better mel
The intro/conclusion are very strong and really convey your control of language and knowledge/grasp on task
Your knowledge of techniques, as i said before is very good
This what i call solid 8 territory, writing like this will not score you lower than 8, if you keep the same components in your intro/conclusion
8-9 for me, dependent on your examiner. Well done
melanie.dee:
thank effing god haha, i was getting so frustrated. i really appreciate your comments, its easier than waiting 30 years for my teachers to send stuff back to me too haha.
now i should probably get to work on my text essays. eeeek :x
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