Spoiler
Developed by a subversion of societal norms, the transformative process of discovery often challenges existing perspectives and stimulates fresh beliefs of human existence. Nice Thesis! Almost a Module A sort of spin on it conceptually, I like it. Whether a product of new realisations or a reconnection with the old, they are ultimately the result of the intrinsic human need to understand our identity and world, with both Robert Gray’s imagist poetry anthology, Coast Road, and John Chu’s The Water that Falls on You from Nowhere (Water) facilitating discoveries for their characters and responders. Fabulous. Gray’s Flames and Dangling Wire manipulates grotesque imagery of environmental destruction in a shocking finding while Journey North Coast reconnects with Zen Buddhist values of appreciating nature in an Ekphrasis rediscovery of his identity, the oeuvre reassessing environmental and personal ramifications of consumerist human progress. Perhaps getting a tad too far into the concepts in each poem? Just by a touch. However, not all discoveries are able to be acted on with Gray’s Meatworks developing its reader’s insight into the human experience through the persona’s inability to change his perception of societal values. Further challenging a heteronormative context, Chu’s semi-autobiographical work suggests the unexpected epiphany of his brother’s sexuality has developed innate parts of his character and existence. You've given way more time to your prescribed in the introduction, try and get a bit more of a balance even from this point. All three texts explore dominant societal constructs of their times, enabling the characters and audiences to uncover alternate perspectives on the eternal fragments of humanity.
Unexpected revelations often challenge one’s perspective on human existence, offering new understandings of its broader consequences. Nice paragrpah concept, specific but it does seem nicely adaptable as well! Prompted by a re-evaluation of the social attitudes of their milieu, both the responders and personas of the works divulge deeper insights into their own identity. I'd say the responders "represent" the personas or something similar - Always treat characters as puppets! As Gray’s concerned persona “gets out” and explores the “landscape of tin cars, of car like skulls” for the first time in Flames and Dangling Wire, his curiosity has led him to leave familiar territories and assumptions for the oxymoronic site, a juxtaposition of traditional views of a natural landscape. Fantastic explanation, be careful it isn't relying on the plot of the text to make its point. Mimicking the discomfort caused by the physical finding of the city with the macabre death motif, Gray emulates the 1950s Economic Boom to forewarn against the aftermath of the era’s self-indulgent, consumeristic lifestyle that gives off a “sour smoke”. How is this done? Try to include an example in the same sentence as demo. Along with the persona, the olfactory imagery positions the audience to experience a sombre recognition that “[they are] in the future” of mankind, learning humanity’s commercial tendency created the dystopia. What olfactory imager? Always provide the quote! The staccato rhythm, punctuated by simple, declarative language, mimetically discomforts the reader from the enormity of the waste, consequences of our actions. Ditto here, you need to include a quote from the text so have context for your analysis. Forcing a reassessment of human progress and its disappropriate harm on the environment, Gray’s dystopia positions us to ask “how can [people] avoid a hatred of men?” The rhetorical question combines an accusative and inclusive tone to unite mankind in the results of their actions, providing an opportunity for the responder to reconsider their own actions and place within mankind and their surrounds. Good - Ensure you eventually link this back to Discovery. Chu also challenges the core of human identity and the salient collective constructs of a Western heteronormative context, with his protagonist discerning his sexuality through a sudden, intellectual discovery of “water that falls on you from nowhere when you lie”. The motif emphasises how one’s existence is often hidden, with the “torrent” that falls when he claims “[he doesn’t] love [his male partner]” causing Matt to incidentally come out to both himself and his family. We're talking about plot here - As obvious as it is conceptually, it still isn't something you can discuss in an analytical essay. Matt’s sudden revelation parallels Chu’s own brother’s experience with uncovering his sexuality, immediately told to “get out!” Again, try not to make links and draw comparisons based on plot. Focusing on a more intimate ramification than Gray, the modern framing and exclamation of Matt’s realisation confronts the contemporary zeitgeist with the prevalent discrimination and homophobia present in society today. Water challenges the audience’s perception of a progressive Western society, where many are demeaned for embracing the sexual “abnormality” that forms the innermost part of one’s identity. An alternate perspective of the audience’s world is built through the slur, providing responders with new opinions of social phenomena. Influenced by the same necessity as Gray, both composers facilitate didactic methods to heighten understanding of the human condition. With a meaningful impact on individuals, society and the environment, sudden discoveries reflect on the human experience, prompting audiences to broaden and reconsider prior viewpoints. Huge amount of explanation at the back end of this paragraph - Conclusions and wrap ups will need to be punchier than this. Your topics in each paragraph should be simple enough to tie together in one or two sentences.
Stimulating growth and self-reflection, unforeseen reconnections often foster meaningful disclosures into one’s identity. Disclosures into ones identity -
Doesn't quiiite read right. Through a reassessment of the past, both texts promote introspection to shape the way individuals view the world. As Gray strings fast-paced vignettes together in the semi-autobiographical Journey: The North Coast, his persona mimics Gray’s own inability to adjust to his move to Sydney and re-experiences a personally significant place. Excellent link to the personal context of the author. Symbolising the part of him lost in urban domesticity, his persona also closes the “latches” that confined him in a “furnished room” with “drab carpet” and returns home. The monotone description and enjambment create a rushed feel and accentuate the persona’s longing for escape after betraying an affinity with nature for the monetary goods prioritised by the consumerist hustle of the Boom Period. Try and put the technique and quote in the same sentence - This way the marker isn't left wondering, "Wait, did they miss a technique?" It makes more sense on a micro-structural level. With his work causing a reassessment of human society, Gray’s vivid rediscovery of his homeland and the “slender white eucalypts” moving “as a nude descends a staircase” impart the spiritual benefits of a recollection with intimate values over societal expectations. Expression slightly off at the end there too I think - Don't be afraid to use slightly simpler language to convey your points with more clarity. Inspired by his Imagist tendencies, the evocative accumulation of haiku-esque imagery and ekphrasis to Duchamp’s lively cubic painting earns an emotional recovery of his Zen Buddhist link with nature and personal happiness. Any examples? Encouraging a critical rethinking of social constructs, Gray is flooded by memories of the “bright crockery days” of his youth. The familiar domestic metonym connects Gray and the responder, both changing perspectives of one’s identity and developing a more autonomous set of values. Through the rediscovery of one’s past, Gray reclaims the parts of himself lost to external systems and creates appreciation of the importance of revisiting the familiar. This is a very long paragraph - I'd break it here, purely to keep yourself on track and make it more palatable for the reader. This need to reassess one’s existence also comes alive in a return to Chu’s childhood home, fundamental for the human experience. As he reminisces about the past and his familial identity with fresh eyes, he has “finally let go” of the pressures plaguing him. The figurative language is augmented with the first person pronoun “I” to elucidate his metaphoric joy when revisiting a place of familiarity. What does it show the audience in a more general sense? Reconnecting with the past, like Gray’s persona , both Matt and the reader realise the truths that have made their being. It is only after recounting prior experiences of how “his mom resuscitates stories of her childhood... [and] the grandmother [he] barely remembers” that Matt’s “lungs have expanded in hours”. A nostalgic tone is generated through the compound sentence and hyperbole, forging a sense of the spiritual benefit of renewing his familial outlook. Chu positions the audience to reflect on the nuances of their identity and the factors that shaped it, and like Journey North Coast, reaffirms the need of embracing the past for future spiritual growth. Allowing introspective moments for the reader, Chu, like Gray before him, establishes how time and location enacts potent growth. Both texts invite audiences to understand how recollection can cater an appreciation of revisiting the familiar, foregrounding revelations of human identity. As above, I think we've got too long of a "concluding" section at the end here. I'd simplify it a tad to really hammer home a key point to the audience.
Often restricted from acting upon newfound understandings, individuals must choose their response to discoveries, with this challenge in perceptions facilitating a meaningful self-discovery. Expression needs a bit of work here, not sure how the three parts of this sentence link together. Reflecting social barriers, composers often cross the line between societal expectations and personal morals, often disappointingly accepting the former. Very interesting idea. While Gray regretfully acknowledges the “frail green money” of The Meatworks is too good to resist, depreciating his Zen Buddhist ideologies of respecting nature by exploiting the environment, Chu’s protagonist hides his sexuality under the pressures to give his “parents a grandson”. The authorial intrusion of both works creates a clipped tone, juxtaposing the earlier values of the characters. Drawn from essentiality, the works encourage the reader to reassess the worth of social constructs and how they prevent personalised actions. This time I feel we're spending too long setting up the idea, we should have launched into analysis by this point. Inspired by Gray’s childhood visit to an abattoir, his persona is “caught where the only work was at this works”. The caesura and enjambment reinforce the truncated style of the poem, mimetically describing Gray’s disapproval and strained acceptance of the slaughter of sentient beings. How does this relate to Discovery? Ruminating on the necessity of such unethical work within a capitalist society, Gray discerns that the poorest suffer the negative ramifications of the dehumanising employment, losing their self-autonomy. What does this have to do with Discovery? With Gray’s distinctive free-verse replicating “the flaw to the analogy”, he makes a stimulating realisation that some are unable to follow their ideals, inevitability compelling them into accepting the work. While the persona never supports “burning the live bush”, the reflective poem positions the audience to reminisce on the exchange of his conscience and Gray’s environmental affinity for approved values of money. Reflecting the Biblical allusion to the Burning Bush, Gray illustrates the deceivingly superior consumerist world, where money is prioritised, as attempting to play god, profiting from the limitations placed on lower SES workers. Again, try and get the technique and the quote into a single sentence - Purely for clarity. This challenging of widely-held assumptions in the largely equalitarian and open-minded Western society is manipulated in the semi-autobiographical Water, with Chu’s brother’s realisation of his homosexuality. Matt knowingly adheres to his traditional Chinese family’s “’you’re responsible for carrying on the family name’ speech”, the repetition of the anecdote stressing his fears of their disapproval. Retell - Be sure to go beyond characters and explore how the technique portrays something about a concept, not a character. Producing a self-deprecating tone, Matt’s anagnorisis of his sexuality leaves him “torn between the cruel truth that will make [his sister] lose all respect for [Matt] and the blatant lie”, “hiding because [he] wants to keep [his family], not abandon them.” The juxtaposition of the euphemistic terms confronts Matt’s unwillingness to embrace his revelation amid familial and social discouragement, even sacrificing his identity for the acceptance of his extended family. Chu’s conduplicatio repetition of “abandon” forces the responder to reconsider the necessity of Matt’s situation, a critique of the constructs surrounding one’s existence. But what does it show us about Discovery more conceptually? Like Gray, Chu’s work elucidates how the ramifications of fresh understandings are ultimately dependent on the individual’s urge to adjust to societal standards. Through the consequences of personal circumstances, composers and their readers discern the impact of social constructs on one’s discoveries.
Discoveries are capable of challenging and affirming dormant perspectives of the human experience, formulating new ideas and beliefs about the consequence on broader society and one’s own identity. Through both Robert Gray’s poetry anthology and John Chu’s Water, the readers are taken on a meaningful journey that broadens their understanding of human nature, confronting prior assumptions regarding complex presumptions. It is through these emotional epiphanies that individuals are able to appreciate and see the world through different lens, enhancing our knowledge of our existence.
- This essay is WAY too long, even using only two paragraphs it will probably be on the long side for an AoS essay. If you can write this much, go for it, but you'll likely need to simplify on top of removing a paragraph. I'd recommend taking each paragraph and splitting it in half to do separate paragraphs on prescribed and related, bringing you to using four paragraphs total.
- You do an excellent job picking good examples from the text, linking them to varied techniques and to the reason the composer has chosen to use them: What you need is to make the final link to concept. What does the technique reveal not about a character, but about a
. Also, as mentioned throughout, putting the technique and quote in the same sentence is an easy way to enhance the clarity of your analysis.
- Your conceptual clarity is a little lacking - I think part of this is expression, using verbose language to express things that could be put more simply, and I think part of it is the length of your paragraphs just being so extreme. I would get to the halfway point and not quite see how what you were currently discussing links to your paragraph topic - And more importantly, Discovery takes a back seat to some of your other topics/concepts. I think you need to simplify the approach, bring everything back to Discovery, and constantly reference Discovery ideas throughout. Right now you are going off on little tangents - And although the analysis is for the most part brilliant in that sense, it isn't addressing the area of study ideas as effectively as it could be.
- Excellent work linking to the authors personal/political/social contexts, enhances your argument really nicely!
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