hi!
i am to write a section in my major work in the perspective of a sort of cynic/pessimistic/work-orientated man
but i'm quite used to writing in idyllic/very flowery perspectives.
but i really want there to be a tonal shift in my writing because its in a different perspective
he's a bureaucrat who is really tough and his life revolves around his work
this is what I've written so far
Government Official
“Pick. Up. After. Yourselves!” I had to yell everyday. I worked with animals. The rancid odour of off chicken curry mixed with possibly fermenting milk was enough to make me gag. I couldn’t even open the microwave anymore—the grimy specks always stared at me. I seized my coffee and darted out. Dirty looks were passed my way. I didn’t care. I shoved past the employees and glanced at the clock—on time. THUD. I slam the door behind me, and exhale sharply. With 4 swift strides I’m behind my mahogany desk and sat on leather. Six dark folders are perched on the edge of the table, awaiting my approval. I pump out the sanitizer and furiously rub my hands. With my elbows rested on the desktop, I run both hands through my hair. I open the top folder, slowly slide out the contents and read the header:
Application for an Offshore Humanitarian visa[/b]
Refugee and Humanitarian (Class XB) visa
I skim over the form, locating the small asterisks beside some of the queries, noting the minor issues in my lined book. The next few folders—case file #43657 and #43892 were the same forms. A weak knock came from the door—“Come in”.
“Hi Sir, just reminding you that John wanted Biyu Lin’s file fixed by 10:00 to send off to biological screening.” I purse my lips and furrow my brows –trying to place the name.
“Oh, case #35423” the lady smiled.
“Right—I know…thanks.” I mumble, looking down.
“I’m early today, Mr. Perkins!” The same voice perked.
I looked up, then down again, shaking my head. “There is no such thing as early; you’re either on time or late.” I scoff, imagining the defeated look on her face.
“Oh, by the way,” I started “read this out loud to the team in the cubicles.” I hand her a note and she scurries off.
*
A muffled commotion caused me to sit up straight. I turned the files over and reached for a paperweight. As I lifted myself off my chair, the sounds became clearer. Through my closed door came raised voices, voices that rose above the sacred silence of the office. I took a deep breath—and opened the door in one swing. I couldn’t believe it. Animals in black and white, all at each other’s throats like savage dogs fighting for dominance. The shouting was almost tangible, strangling the life from the room. From whatever stray words I could pick up on, they were bitter, full of resentment…”You’ve been here 6 months!”
“You’re the office idiot!”
“You can’t even prin—“
“SHUT UP!” The words stumbled out of me before I even thought about it. Silence. It was like the room turned off. It was deafening.
“Is this about the letter from head office?” I raised my voice again. Eyes widened and bodies tensed. “I take that as a yes” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
“If none of you clowns can sort it out, I’ll do it.” I said, matter-of-factly. I ambled to my room in victory. I knew this would happen. It was glorious. “Everyone back to work…I don’t want to hear a sound.” my words reminded me of something I say on a regular basis to my nieces.
I send an email to the law firm:
Mr. Jacobs,
After careful consideration of the circumstances, it has been decided that I will be accompanying your lawyer to Nauru Regional Processing Centre on 01/02/17.
Please send any remaining information regarding the inmate and any details pertaining to the issue to this email address.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Perkins
(Manager) I fist-pump, thinking of the future references and job opportunities that could arise as a result of this trip. This inmate fight is the best thing that could ever happen to me.
**
The tall barbed wire fence towered over me as I stepped through a gap into the grounds of the establishment. I looked around—I’m in uncharted territory. Red dust covered my Rockports as I stepped onto the bare land and grassy patches. I finally reached the doors with three guards placed like bowling pins in front of it. I flashed my ID and enter the institution.
Conversing with the lawyer and guard, I tried keeping my gaze off the filthy walls and blackened floor. I repeated to myself: “get in and get out”. I shuddered at the rows and rows of bunk beds we passed. I thought, “no wonder a fight broke out…there’s no privacy…no where to hide…” I scanned the inmates, all shuffling from one end of the penitentiary to the other. Most looked like walking corpses. I denied myself any emotional attachment to them. “They’re human”, I thought…”just like me”. I realised there’s no difference between us. Just that my family and myself were smarter with our money and migration. They made mistakes. I can’t waste time feeling bad for them—I’ve a job to get done.
my mentor pointed out to me that my style of writing (short sentences, sentence structure) is similar for all 4 perspectives, so how do you think I could improve that?
thanks!!!!