I finally used my kayak! It was exceptionally hard to steer and even harder to squash back into it's bag afterwards, and I somehow managed to cut two of my fingers but it was nice finally doing it. My back hurts now though. Maybe some of that is from finally having a soft bed after the very
firm hospital beds.
I asked my landlord and she said I can get a dog as long as it doesn't annoy my housemates which is super cool - not really sure I'm sane enough to get one just yet, mostly because I don't have anyone to look after it if I have to go to hospital again, but it's nice knowing that it's an option.
My new phone should be arriving sometime today which is super cool - my phone is very much dead and should have been replaced a few months ago but it was difficult with being in hospital and everything.
It's getting lonely being home essentially alone (I don't really talk to my housemates) and I knew this would happen and it makes my anxiety worse, so I really need to organise to do some things. I'm planning on popping down to my local vinnies, hopefully today or maybe tomorrow if today gets bad, and asking about volunteering, hopefully they'll say yes so that I have something to do with my time. I'm also going to start volunteering for act wildlife which is cool, just have to call one of the people to get set up and phone calls make me anxious haha, but hopefully that'll be today or tomorrow as well.
I'm trying to organise to get a couch or an armchair or something in my room because I hate that I just end up sitting in bed all day (we don't have a living room), it's hard with not having a car though. A person on gumtree said they're willing to deliver, I'm just waiting to hear back on exactly how big it is, hopefully it'll fit through my doorway and hopefully they haven't given it to anyone else since yesterday afternoon because I had a bad afternoon and couldn't reply to their message then.
I've been thinking lately that I want to be a paramedic - it's the only career that I've ever thought of that I could actually imagine doing. Originally I was thinking that I'd move back to Melbourne at some point to do a degree for it but then I found out that nsw offers a 3 year traineeship instead of a degree which sounds great except for the living in sydney part. It's nice having some sort of idea of what I want to do in the future, but there's lots I'd need to do before then, like getting a license which is very difficult when I don't have anyone to supervise my hours.
Yesterday was difficult, mostly things get bad at night but it got bad early yesterday, probably because I didn't do anything to keep myself busy. I'm not very good at keeping perspective when I get sad and anxious, and I'm not good at remembering that I want to get better, but I woke up this morning feeling better than I did last night which is good.