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April 27, 2024, 08:43:48 pm

Author Topic: can someone mark my extended response on sleep please  (Read 1575 times)  Share 

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amanaazim

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can someone mark my extended response on sleep please
« on: October 10, 2020, 12:55:25 pm »
0
hey guys

basically i just wanted feedback on my extended response scenario i did on stress so would be appreciated if feedback was given: I wrote the scenario + the question + my response . In terms of feedback i'm looking for mostly these things.

- what i did well
- what areas i need to improve in
- sentence structure (if i am writing in the correct format and using the write terms in my response)
- and also since this is out of 10 can you tell me how much would i get out of 10 please thank you.

And also feel free to add anything else that i may have missed

Scenario: Tim is a healthy 32 year old male. He has been working the night shift as an aircraft engineer for 12 months. The typical night shift roster at the company is four nights on, then four nights off. Each shift is 11 hours in duration, beginning at 7pm and finishing at 6am.

Once a year, the company runs an information session for all employees regarding the effects that shift- work can have on a person’s mental health and wellbeing. Tim’s new colleague, Allira, was unable to attend the information session and asked Tim to take detailed notes for her during the session. The information provided at this session included potential changes to the regular sleep-wake cycle of night- shift workers, potential consequences on a person’s physiological and psychological functioning if they were to regularly experience partial sleep deprivation, as well as one protective factor and one intervention that employees could use to adjust to changes in their sleep-wake cycle.

Considering the above information, create a detailed and clearly organised set of notes that Tim most likely would have taken during this presentation to give to Allira.


My Response

Sleep wake cycle

The sleep - wake cycle is our internal body clock that follows the day and night schedule and makes us awake during hours of daylight and asleep when darkness occurs. This happens because our body has a biological rhythm which is innate that tells us when to stay awake and when we should sleep by the help of a sleep hormone, melatonin. Melatonin helps regulate our sleep - wake cycle and helps us to know that during the night time, it is time for us to go to bed.

What happens when your sleep wake cycle is changed/ disturbed

When the sleep wake cycle is distrubed, our sleeping patterns change and disruptions can occur which can affect our performance in daily tasks when we have a poor quality and amount of sleep , compared to a good quality and amount of sleep, especially for us shift workers as we are working on a night shift, when during that time our body should be relaxing and be in sleep mode so our body can be replenished and rejuvenated so we can work efficiently the next day. During the night, melatonin (sleep hormone) is secreted into the hypothalamus. The melatonin responds to light around us. When it is night time, melatonin helps us to fall asleep by making you drowsy and your eyes become sensitive to the light around you. If we sacrifice our “allocated sleeping time” at work then our quality of sleep would be lower and we would be accumulating sleep debt (the hours you compensated for work instead of sleep which makes you indebt  of the sleep hours you missed). This is an irregular pattern your body is following and it is a behaviour which is outside of the biologically programmed rhythm one is innate with.

Since we are working on a 4 night on and 4 night off shift, this can disrupt our circadian rhythm (bodily activities that occur within the 24 hours period). And our sleep wake cycle. Firstly since we are awake for 11 hours from 7pm to 6am , we are overworking the normal 8 hours shift. Secondly, we would tend to feel more tired at work because we are working at a time where we should be sleeping. Temperature during the night is colder and in the morning it's warmer. Same as our body. For us, shift workers it would be harder to fall asleep. Also when we would be working 4 nights on and 4 nights off our circadian rhythm would be going through a change quite frequently . This can have a harmful effect on our body and would make our circadian rhythm unstable because of the fact that our body’s juggling between the different times we are staying up and sleeping which can result into poor sleep quality because for 4 nights we are awake at the time we are suppose to be asleep and the other 4 nights we sleep at the required time.

Night shift effects on shift work- psychological and physiological

The effects of shift work can lead to partial sleep deprivation which can lead to someone's emotional, behavioural and cognitive functions to be impaired.

Affective Functioning- Your emotions are amplified, this means that you are going to be irritable and more snappy, and rude to the people around you aka the workers.

Behavioural Functioning - decreased participation at work and not being able to do simple tasks that we do everyday. This can affect us at work because we tend to do the job nearly everyday which can become an automatic process for us since we get used to it. This can lead us to stumble and become a harder task to do because of the lack of sleep and our connection levels are low.


Cognitive Functioning- Poor decision making. We would not be able to differentiate between the right and wrong behaviour clearly as we would enjoy the risk taking behaviour.


Intervention that can help with partial sleep deprivation (Bright Light therapy)

Bright Light Therapy is an intervention which helps regulate the internal body clock and modify it to the desired schedule. This is done during the day by you going through a procedure. This procedure happens by us exposing ourselves to an intense but safe amount of bright light on an angle facing not straightly directed to your face but at an angle to your face while you are doing your daily chores and tasks for a few hours, each day until your internal body clock matches the schedule around you. This helps in adjusting your sleep wake cycle especially for shift work as your sleeping schedule is matched to the environment gradually so you don’t experience sleep debt and be able to function during the shift work hours and feel energised and can work at your optimal functioning level.




tiredandstressed

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Re: can someone mark my extended response on sleep please
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2020, 11:27:51 pm »
+11
hey guys

basically i just wanted feedback on my extended response scenario i did on stress so would be appreciated if feedback was given: I wrote the scenario + the question + my response . In terms of feedback i'm looking for mostly these things.

- what i did well
- what areas i need to improve in
- sentence structure (if i am writing in the correct format and using the write terms in my response)
- and also since this is out of 10 can you tell me how much would i get out of 10 please thank you.

And also feel free to add anything else that i may have missed

Scenario: Tim is a healthy 32 year old male. He has been working the night shift as an aircraft engineer for 12 months. The typical night shift roster at the company is four nights on, then four nights off. Each shift is 11 hours in duration, beginning at 7pm and finishing at 6am.

Once a year, the company runs an information session for all employees regarding the effects that shift- work can have on a person’s mental health and wellbeing. Tim’s new colleague, Allira, was unable to attend the information session and asked Tim to take detailed notes for her during the session. The information provided at this session included potential changes to the regular sleep-wake cycle of night- shift workers, potential consequences on a person’s physiological and psychological functioning if they were to regularly experience partial sleep deprivation, as well as one protective factor and one intervention that employees could use to adjust to changes in their sleep-wake cycle.

Considering the above information, create a detailed and clearly organised set of notes that Tim most likely would have taken during this presentation to give to Allira.
NOTE: THIS IS BASICALLY IDENTICAL TO THE 2017 10 MARKER I ENCOURAGE YOU TO USE THE EXAMINER REPORT TO MARK THIS RESPONSE

My Response

Sleep wake cycle

The sleep - wake cycle is our internal body clock that follows the day and night schedule and makes us awake during hours of daylight and asleep when darkness occurs. This happens because our body has a biological rhythm which is innate that tells us when to stay awake and when we should sleep by the help of a sleep hormone, melatonin. Melatonin helps regulate our sleep - wake cycle and helps us to know that during the night time, it is time for us to go to bed.
Good intro- avoid using second person
What happens when your sleep wake cycle is changed/ disturbed

When the sleep wake cycle is distrubed, our sleeping patterns change and disruptions can occur which can affect our performance in daily tasks when we have a poor quality and amount of sleep , compared to a good quality and amount of sleep, especially for us shift workers as we are working on a night shift, when during that time our body should be relaxing and be in sleep mode so our body can be replenished and rejuvenated so we can work efficiently the next day. During the night, melatonin (sleep hormone) is secreted into the hypothalamus. The melatonin responds to light around us. When it is night time, melatonin helps us to fall asleep by making you drowsy and your eyes become sensitive to the light around you. If we sacrifice our “allocated sleeping time” at work then our quality of sleep would be lower and we would be accumulating sleep debt (the hours you compensated for work instead of sleep which makes you indebt  of the sleep hours you missed). This is an irregular pattern your body is following and it is a behaviour which is outside of the biologically programmed rhythm one is innate with.

Since we are working on a 4 night on and 4 night off shift, this can disrupt our circadian rhythm (bodily activities that occur within the 24 hours period). And our sleep wake cycle. Firstly since we are awake for 11 hours from 7pm to 6am , we are overworking the normal 8 hours shift (not necessary). Secondly, we would tend to feel more tired at work because we are working at a time where we should be sleeping (can you explain this with psychological terminology). Temperature during the night is colder and in the morning it's warmer. Same as our body. For us, shift workers it would be harder to fall asleep. Also when we would be working 4 nights on and 4 nights off our circadian rhythm would be going through a change quite frequently . This can have a harmful effect on our body and would make our circadian rhythm unstable because of the fact that our body’s juggling between the different times we are staying up and sleeping which can result into poor sleep quality because for 4 nights we are awake at the time we are suppose to be asleep and the other 4 nights we sleep at the required time.
Overall good- improvement in psychological language and sentence construction
Night shift effects on shift work- psychological and physiological

The effects of shift work can lead to partial sleep deprivation which can lead to someone's emotional, behavioural and cognitive functions to be impaired.

Affective Functioning- Your emotions are amplified, this means that you are going to be irritable and more snappy, and rude to the people around you aka the workers.

Behavioural Functioning - decreased participation at work and not being able to do simple tasks that we do everyday. This can affect us at work because we tend to do the job nearly everyday which can become an automatic process for us since we get used to it. This can lead us to stumble and become a harder task to do because of the lack of sleep and our connection levels are low.
(okay yes this is correct- but can you think of a way to better incorporate the scenario- they are air craft engineers, working dangerous jobs, partial sleep deprivation can be hazardous and lead to injury, discuss microsleep)


Cognitive Functioning- Poor decision making. We would not be able to differentiate between the right and wrong behaviour clearly as we would enjoy the risk taking behaviour.
(again apply the scenario- making mistakes in a high-risk job)
Avoid writing in dot points- write in full sentences in a coherent manner, to provide clarity in your response
Intervention that can help with partial sleep deprivation (Bright Light therapy)

Bright Light Therapy is an intervention which helps regulate the internal body clock and modify it to the desired schedule. This is done during the day by you going through a procedure. This procedure happens by us exposing ourselves to an intense but safe amount of bright light on an angle facing not straightly directed to your face but at an angle to your face while you are doing your daily chores and tasks for a few hours, each day until your internal body clock matches the schedule around you. This helps in adjusting your sleep wake cycle especially for shift work as your sleeping schedule is matched to the environment gradually so you don’t experience sleep debt and be able to function during the shift work hours and feel energised and can work at your optimal functioning level.
(good- mention correcting the mismatch of circadian rhythms)
You did not mention a protective factor

Overall feedback:
What you did well:
- Address the question completely (except protective factor)
- Provided correct information in a succinct manner
-Comprehensive discussion in all areas (except psychological & physiological effects)
Areas to improve on:
- Integration of the scenario in your response- better application of the scenario
- Include psychological terminolgy to justify your response and demonstrate your knowledge of the processes
Sentence structure:
- Don't use dot points- write in paragraphs as this demonstrates coherency and provides flow in your response (a natural progression of ideas)
- The way you divided your ideas was good- in the exam you do need to include subtitles in the paragraph
- Overall sentence construction needs improving, write clear succinct sentences that provide greater flow and clarity in your response
Final mark:   
Spoiler
5-6 /10
-This is because you addressed all of the required topics but did not
- Go into a greater discussion of psychological & physiological effects higher scoring responses would have incorporated the scenario better
- Failed to mention a protective factor
- Lack of psychological terminology to justify the response
I hope this was helpful and the feedback was clear
VCE '17-'18
2017: Biology, Psychology
2018: English, HHD, Chemistry, Methods
2019-22: Bachelor of Biomedicine (Honours) @ UoM
My guides:
A quick guide to language and argument analysis
HHD sample questions
HHD 2019 Comprehensive examiner report analysis

amanaazim

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Re: can someone mark my extended response on sleep please
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2020, 06:27:51 pm »
0


 hey tiredandstressed thanks for the feedback, i thought protective factor is cut off the study design and micro sleep that is why i didnt talk about them how much would i get then?
Overall feedback:
What you did well:
- Address the question completely (except protective factor)
- Provided correct information in a succinct manner
-Comprehensive discussion in all areas (except psychological & physiological effects)
Areas to improve on:
- Integration of the scenario in your response- better application of the scenario
- Include psychological terminolgy to justify your response and demonstrate your knowledge of the processes
Sentence structure:
- Don't use dot points- write in paragraphs as this demonstrates coherency and provides flow in your response (a natural progression of ideas)
- The way you divided your ideas was good- in the exam you do need to include subtitles in the paragraph
- Overall sentence construction needs improving, write clear succinct sentences that provide greater flow and clarity in your response
Final mark:   
Spoiler
5-6 /10
-This is because you addressed all of the required topics but did not
- Go into a greater discussion of psychological & physiological effects higher scoring responses would have incorporated the scenario better
- Failed to mention a protective factor
- Lack of psychological terminology to justify the response
I hope this was helpful and the feedback was clear