Hey Lex! There's actually a
specific thread for essay marking in the VCE Literature board that you can post in next time if you have anything that needs marking.
Anyway, I thought I'd have a go at marking your essay. I'm not too familiar with the text though, but here are just some changes I would make:
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The Penelopiad written by author Margaret Atwood is a story about the death of twelve innocent maid servants.
It’s not necessary to explain the plot. Margaret Atwood’s goal in this novel
Remember to use the correct terminology. The Penelopiad is a novella is to properly explore the reason why they were killed and who is to blame. Odysseus and Telemachus, two powerful greek
Greek men who are the ones to take the lives of these innocent girls are not only to blame but the disgusting abuse of Male Privilege
not 100% sure, but I don’t think male privilege needs to be capitalised, the Gods and Penelope’s desire for a voice.
The social hierarchy of Greece in this time
What time? Be specific. For example, the social hierarchy of Ancient Greece at the time of the Trojan War allows men to have the privilege of weapons and words. Men are perceived in this novel as tainted and evil and so they should be as all they do is use their privileges as a way of selfish gain and for the gift of power and are yet still “never punished.”
Try not to phrase it like that. Maybe leave out the ‘and so they should be’ and go straight to WHY men are perceived as such Having power in this era is the same as
having money and authority. Men are the prison guards and women are the prisoners. “it was not fair.”
Pay attention to punctuation here. Also, try to insert some context and analysis for this quote – never have quotes by themselves. After learning that women have practically given up and “could not refuse,” as every man’s gain was at the expense of a woman, it is appalling to know there was a society as corrupt as this one
Instead of phrasing it like this, try to show Atwood’s authorial intent here – for example, Atwood successfully causes the reader to be appalled at the utter misogyny and corruption of Ancient Greek society. An example of men committing to selfish and vial acts at the expense of a woman is when the Odysseus leaves for Troy and the Suitors take it upon themselves to rip away any ounce of authority from under Penelope’s feet and drown her in the override of devilish masculinity. “They were like vultures when they spot a dead cow…every vulture from miles around is tearing up the carcass.” This quote refers to
o Penelope being left in Ithaca alone without Odysseus because the life of a woman is following the shadow of a man. The Suitors take this opportunity to force Penelope into marrying one of them, not for the want of Penelope but for the desire of the money and power given to them
if marriage was to occur through marriage (try to be efficient with your language whenever you can). This alone, shows how women are seen as nothing else but powerless property to be traded. They also helped themselves to the maids and the kingdoms food, “they probably thought nothing of it.”
Again, try to show the context of this quote – who said it? What was the quote trying to achieve? Follow up with some analysis to show your knowledge of the text. Men are evil and will snatch anything they can for a speck of power, hence why the maids were brutally murdered. It was at their expense that Odysseus and Telemachus could take a stand to remind the women that they have the power and are capable of many things, so they have to abide by them.
The Gods should certainly be blamed for the death of the maids as from a young age, men are bought up and encouraged to destroy and conquer the enemy. Although this refers to war, men are still fixated on using brutality and deceitful acts as a way
to gain of gaining power. Everything people did in these days
be specific. People – what people? Not everyone in Ancient Greece abided by their superstitions. These days – again, more context is needed. Mentioning the time period the text was set in would be sufficient. was for the Gods “because the gods were just.” But even the gods aren’t as innocent as they seem as even “they were always raping someone.” Men are taught by the Gods that violence equals justice,
this which is another factor to the murder of the maids. “it was demeaning.” While Odysseus was away he pretended to expect the women to be disloyal and took it upon himself to justify his authority by murdering the maids simply because it
’s what the Gods want, but even though the gods seem wise and powerful they are described as “nasty” and “childish.”
This is an extremely good point, so don’t move on so quickly! Explore the irony and juxtaposition here. Point out this literary device that Atwood used and the EFFECT that it has on the reader. This is unfair to the extent that it is one of the worst acts to be committed, murder for no reason but
your own personal gain. Twelve innocent fragile lives for one selfish leader. Why? Because the suffering of women is celebrated by men. In
greek Greek myths and stories, men are always the heroes, the warriors but no one ever focuses on how women were the price
there are many exceptions to this so try not to be too definite – instead, try saying that the men of Ancient Greek society were TRADITIONALLY portrayed as the heroes. It proves the fact how Greek religion is corrupt. Greek Gods are celebrated for their achievements in violence and brutality, whilst Goddesses are more celebrated for their spirituality and purity. The gods encourage other men to attempt and commit such celebrated crimes for the prize of power. Women are
basically essentially would be a better word “doomed by the gods to a life that is a living death.” To draw on the fact more
don’t use this in your concluding statement, men are the dirty, corrupt warriors who win pure women as a prize for their achievements.
Of course, it could just be of human nature and Penelope’s “determined nature” and unwinding desire for a life like a mans that is to blame for the death of the maids, Penelope even admits that her fathers
pay attention to the usage of apostrophes “desire to protect himself” was “understandable.” Does that mean if Penelope was handed the same privilege as men they would do the same? Atwood even asks herself “what was Penelope really up to?” Is it just fate or misfortune that had lead them to be on the receiving end of this absurd brutality? Human’s are known to be selfish to protect themselves from harm, even Penelope chose those specific twelve maids to help her in acts destined to be punished for. It was doubtful knowledge to know that a murder was just waiting to happen, Penelope knew the consequences of risking her maids like this. She even took it upon her selfish mind to force the maids to pretend to be in love with the Suitors, which lead to the rape of the maids. Early on in the
book never use ‘book’ – try ‘text’ or ‘narrative’ or ‘novella’ she is described as “a stick used to beat other women with”, and this is exactly what she is doing for her own selfish gain when it comes to her faithful and innocent maids. It’s not only Male Privilege to blame, but also Penelope. It just shows how if the roles were reversed women such as Penelope would not hesitate to do just the same.
You’ve raised an excellent point here but you have to come back to your contention in your concluding statement – in the context of this text, it could be argued that Penelope is also to blame – but come back to your point on human nature, as that would be your overarching idea for this paragraph.To conclude, whilst Odysseus and Telemachus are victims of the prejudice society they inhabit, it is down to Male Privilege, The Gods and Penelope
human nature to blame for the cold-blooded murder of the poor innocent maids, simply because of the yearning for power and money, and the monumental influence by the Gods on how money and power is the key to a successful life. The maids were killed with no reason and never got
never use the word ‘got’ – there are always better alternatives. Try ‘received’ the justice they deserve.
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Overall, a very solid essay! Just pay attention to your usage of terminology and punctuation (especially apostrophes) and also remember to always provide CONTEXT and ANALYSIS for every quote you use - otherwise the quote doesn't mean anything. Also, try to look at literary devices and techniques and the effect they have on the reader. Essentially, discuss more on historical context and authorial intent.
Good luck!! Let me know if you have any questions
Colline xx
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