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February 22, 2024, 06:18:01 pm

Author Topic: can someone mark my creative on station 11 please  (Read 3481 times)  Share 

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amanaazim

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can someone mark my creative on station 11 please
« on: April 18, 2021, 09:17:05 pm »
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 hey guys
can someone give me feedback on my creative for station eleven.

feedback can include

-structure and flow
-grammar , spelling, punctuation
-ideas and creativity and content written
- overall how i went

mark out of 10.



Task instructions
Read the incomplete list of aspects of civilisation which are lost in the post pandemic world (ch6 pg 31-32). Choose one aspect of civilisation which is lost and write about how your character feels about this change.

My creative is about kirsten and how memories is something she loses and is detached from them.


“You never fail to amaze me on that stage, you know” August smiled at Kirsten as they packed their costumes back into the caravans. “Even with Sayid acting with you. All of the drama just disappears and all I can see are these beautiful Shakespearean characters coming to life.” Kirsten slipped out of her gown she had stolen from an abandoned house, from the bedroom of a woman who had died in her sleep. August had prayed for her while Kirsten grabbed as much clothing and accessories her arms would allow.
“If it weren’t for these plays I don’t think I would still be sane. Maybe it’s my history with Sayid that helps keep our performance so real. I can see the way he glares at me on stage.”
The Symphony travelled ahead, August and Kirsten trailing behind as usual. The world felt quieter than usual - this time it felt peaceful rather than dangerous.
“You miss it”? August almost whispered after some time.
“Miss what”?
“Life before. Before everything changed. Is there anything you remember that you miss?”. Kirsten felt stupefied whenever this question was asked to her. She couldn't remember most things of the past. She felt disappointed that she didn’t have as many stories to tell like Dieter, August, and the conductor. Her first thoughts when she heard the “anything she remembered” in her brain was the Dr Eleven comics and paperweight that she carried in her backpack at all times - bits of the past she held onto that she didn’t want to let go because that’s all she had. But did she even know what they meant. Kirsten felt that if let go they would stop triggering her memory in her brain and she would lose everything completely.
She thought of her family, the one she must’ve had. She knew she had a brother but he disappeared in the early years. Her Mother- she didn’t even remember her face.
But they must have been important, after all they were family or well as she thought they were. She knew that her childhood memories were beautiful and that she was happy.
She remembered acting on the stage as a little girl - “i guess acting was within me, i feel the most alive while been on stage”. She imagined her mother sitting in the front row of the theatre smiling with joy at her little girl performing in front of hundreds of people.
She thought of the little things that she and her family did together well she tried to believe she did them such as mama making pancakes in the kitchen and her mixing the bowl and adding the little tiny chocolate chips - trying not to eat them all. Kirsten smirked at that thought”. August said “What are you smiling at, are you in one of your time travel machine thoughts again.”
“I think i just miss having my family with me August, having them by my side, the people who have brought me up and knew me before i could even take my first step”. “Even the meaningless moments of silence i still wish i could go back to go over them one last time.”
August paused for a moment his face towards Kirsten,

“You remember your family?”
Kirsten shook her head.
“No. Not even my mother’s face”
She didn’t know how to tell him that maybe, above everything else, maybe she just misses her memories.

happydays2

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Re: can someone mark my creative on station 11 please
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2021, 11:54:39 am »
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LIke the language - and the characterisation.
Thought that the greater themes might have been encompassed a bit more - the connections between people - Charles and Kirsten, the death of Arthur - whcih was the pivotal moment that has repurcussions throughout and leads to the paperweight.
About 7-8/10