[English] "Anna Bligh outperforms Julia Gillard" language analysis

[Greatness]

The opinion piece entitled, ‘Anna Bligh outperforms Julia Gillard in the greatest leadership test of all’, featured in the Herald Sun (14/1/11), contends in a rational and reasonable tone that Anna Bligh, Premier of Queensland, has had a much stronger involvement and contribution to the recent floods in Queensland than Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. The article is directed at the general public, in particular, those with an interest in politics.

O’Brien begins her article by stating, ‘We can scrutinise our politicians even more closely than before’ this essentially reveals what her article will explore. The use of the word ‘scrutinise’ suggests that we can freely criticise politicians for their wrong doings, thus enticing the audience to continue reading.  The piece continues by illustrating Anna Bligh in a good light. O’Brien labels Premier Bligh’s actions as ‘calm’, with ‘composure’ and ‘compassion’, all of which have positive connotations attached. In effect, readers recognise Bligh’s strong strength of character and that she is doing everything in her power to provide the essentials for her affected fellow Queenslanders. Furthermore, O’Brien magnifies Bligh’s leadership qualities in quoting, ‘It may be breaking our hearts at the moment, but it will not break our will’ the use of the inclusive ‘our’ evokes a sense of shared predicament amongst the audience thus amplifying Bligh’s integrity.

To further fuel her argument of ‘scrutinising’ politicians, O’Brien begins to make attacks on the Prime Minister. PM Gillard’s knowledge of the situation is labelled as ‘unsure’ this is accentuated when O’Brien states that she is not ‘speaking with any direct knowledge of the areas affected’. This may act on the readers’ sense of anger because it demonstrates that the PM Gillard lacks essential information and data – both of which should be a high priority for the Prime Minister. To continue the bombardment of PM Gillard, O’Brien states that ‘Gillard made a mistake’ when deciding not to stay in Queensland and also calling her ‘wooden and unconvincing’. Again the readers are challenged to consider PM Gillard’s devotion and decency as her credibility continues to weaken. Conversely it is stated that Bligh is ‘genuinely in control, but when she lets the emotion show in public, the tears are real’. This juxtaposes PM Gillard and Premier Bligh; it displays the Prime Minister’s lack of dedication and commitment, whilst enhancing the Premier’s sense of courtesy.

In an attempt to maintain her stance, O’Brien reiterates Premier Bligh’s perseverance in stating, ‘Every word she [Premier Bligh] has been asked she has answered’ this emphasises how knowledgeable Bligh is as well as highlighting her persistence. Premier Bligh’s credibility is further increased when O’Brien utilises the rhetoric, ‘Surely a woman with her own mother's house in the flood path would by now be so exhausted, and so emotional about it all?’ In doing this, the writer intends to promote introspection in the reader and for the reader to harbour a sense of sympathy. Moreover, by employing a litany of inspiring quotes from Premier Bligh O’Brien gains credibility in her argument as well as enticing the reader to read on. O’Brien closes the piece by stating ‘We believe her’, this appeals to the audience emotionally. Consequently the readers are coerced into accepting O’Brien’s viewpoint that Premier Bligh has contributed much more to the Queensland community than PM Gillard.   

The accompanying photograph strongly reinforces O’Brien’s views which depict Premier Bligh overshadowing PM Gillard -emphasising the disparity in the commitment and perseverance exhibited by the two. The juxtaposition of PM Gillard and Premier Bligh, along with the employment of light effects exemplifies the theme that has been evident throughout the piece. These effectively illustrate Premier Bligh in a good light, accentuating the goodness and integrity that she displays; whilst also positioning PM Gillard in the shadows of Premier Bligh accentuating the discrepancy of the efforts between the two and ultimately suggesting that PM Gillard

In general the crux of O’Brien’s piece resides in demonstrating that Premier Bligh displays greater commitment than PM Gillard. O’Brien does this through the effective use of attacks on PM Gillard and inclusive language to coerce the readers into agreeing with her views. The photograph is a visual encapsulation of the themes highlighted throughout the opinion piece.

[eeps]

Due to the apparent shortage of markers, I thought I'd mark an essay for once. Excuse my ignorance when it comes to marking; it's my first time. I'm not planning on marking essays very often. >.>

Generally, it was good and I thought your paragraphs linked well. Nothing really to say other than it's a good, solid essay. If I had to give you a mark, I'd say 7.5-8/10. Again, as I said I'm not marking a lot of essays, hence my mark may be waayy off to what others think; so give or take a couple. Keep the work up swarley and I'm sure you'll get the mark you want for English.

[Streaker]

7/10

I skimmed through it like a VCAA examiner would and found some things which need brushing up on...

In doing this, the writer intends to promote introspection in the reader and for the reader to harbour a sense of sympathy.

Not bad, but try to add more detail. Who is the sympathy being directed towards? It's always handy to complete your sentences, otherwise an examiner will think that you're just throwing in some emotions here and there. Be as detailed as you can when you're describing the emotions that the reader is likely to experience (e.g. to whom are the emotions directed towards? From where do these emotions arise and how are they likely to influence the reader's final impression of the stakeholder in question?). You have a few other somewhat incomplete sentences like that which I noticed - I'm sure you can find them and rectify those by adding more detail.

PM Gillard’s knowledge of the situation is labelled as ‘unsure’ this is accentuated when O’Brien states that she is not ‘speaking with any direct knowledge of the areas affected’. This may act on the readers’ sense of anger because...

Act is a verb for the noun action - another vague term. Describe what it really does to the reader's anger. E.g. 'fuels the reader's anger' or 'consolidates the reader's anger'.

O’Brien closes the piece by stating ‘We believe her’, this appeals to the audience emotionally.

Very vague to simply state that the device as 'appealing to the audience emotionally' - be more specific. A better alternative would be to perhaps say it instills a sense of pride and hope in the audience's mind, as they know that their premier is more than competent in her pursuit of helping the flood victims (try to relate it back to the main issue like I did just then).

Overall, very coherent expression and relevant evidence used in your article. Keep it up

[vea]

The opinion piece entitled, ‘Anna Bligh outperforms Julia Gillard in the greatest leadership test of all’, featured in the Herald Sun (14/1/11), contends in a rational and reasonable tone that Anna Bligh, Premier of Queensland, has had a much stronger involvement and contribution to the recent floods in Queensland than Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. The article is directed at the general public, in particular, those with an interest in politics. Your intro is succinct- good! However, I would avoid the use of the words "featured in the Herald Sun" because it CAN sound like you think the article is a feature article- even though you've already mentioned that it is an opinion article.

O’Brien begins her article by stating, ‘We can scrutinise our politicians even more closely than before’ this essentially reveals what her article will explore. The use of the word ‘scrutinise’ suggests that we can freely criticise politicians for their wrong doings, thus enticing the audience to continue reading.  The piece continues by illustrating Anna Bligh in a good light (sounds weird, maybe use positive light?). O’Brien labels Premier Bligh’s actions as ‘calm’, with ‘composure’ and ‘compassion’, all of which have positive connotations attached.What exactly do these words connote? Be more specific. In effect, readers may/ are highly likely to- don't be absolute on the intended effect recognise Bligh’s strong strength of character and that she is doing everything in her power to provide the essentials for her affected fellow Queenslanders. Furthermore, O’Brien magnifies Bligh’s leadership qualities in quoting, ‘It may be breaking our hearts at the moment, but it will not break our will’ the use of the inclusive ‘our’ evokes a sense of shared predicament amongst the audience thus amplifying Bligh’s integrity.

To further fuel her argument of ‘scrutinising’ politicians, O’Brien begins to make attacks on the Prime Minister. PM Gillard’s knowledge of the situation is labelled as ‘unsure’. This is accentuated when O’Brien states that she is not ‘speaking with any direct knowledge of the areas affected’. This may act on the readers’ sense of anger because it demonstrates that the PM Gillard lacks essential information and data – both of which should be a high priority for the Prime Minister. To continue the bombardment of PM Gillard, O’Brien states that ‘Gillard made a mistake’ when deciding not to stay in Queensland and also calls her ‘wooden and unconvincing’. Again the readers are challenged to consider PM Gillard’s devotion and decency as her credibility continues to weaken. Conversely it is stated that Bligh is ‘genuinely in control, but when she lets the emotion show in public, the tears are real’. This juxtaposes PM Gillard and Premier Bligh; it displays the Prime Minister’s lack of dedication and commitment, whilst enhancing the Premier’s sense of courtesy. In this paragraph you have stated the techniques and effect on the reader but you miss out on the writer's purposes.

In an attempt to maintain her stance, O’Brien reiterates Premier Bligh’s perseverance in stating, ‘Every word she [Premier Bligh] has been asked she has answered’ this emphasises how knowledgeable Bligh is as well as highlighting her persistence. Premier Bligh’s credibility is further increased when O’Brien utilises the rhetoric, ‘Surely a woman with her own mother's house in the flood path would by now be so exhausted, and so emotional about it all?’ In doing this, the writer intends to promote introspection in the reader and for the reader to harbour a sense of sympathy. Moreover, by employing a litany of inspiring quotes from Premier Bligh O’Brien gains credibility in her argument as well as enticing the reader to read on. O’Brien closes the piece by stating ‘We believe her’, this appeals to the audience emotionallyyour analysis here is too general, be more specific. Consequently the readers are coerced into accepting O’Brien’s viewpoint that Premier Bligh has contributed much more to the Queensland community than PM Gillard.   

The accompanying photograph strongly reinforces O’Brien’s views which depict Premier Bligh overshadowing PM Gillard -emphasising the disparity in the commitment and perseverance exhibited by the two. The juxtaposition of PM Gillard and Premier Bligh, along with the employment of light effects exemplifies the theme that has been evident throughout the piece. These effectively illustrates Premier Bligh in a good light, accentuating the goodness and integrity that she displays; whilst also positioning PM Gillard in the shadows of Premier Bligh accentuating the discrepancy of the efforts between the two and ultimately suggesting that PM Gillard. The last sentence of this paragraph is very awkward. The sentence is too long and you use the word "accentuating" twice.

In general the crux of O’Brien’s piece resides in demonstrating that Premier Bligh displays greater commitment than PM Gillard. O’Brien does this through the effective use of attacks on PM Gillard and inclusive language to coerce the readers into agreeing with her views. The photograph is a visual encapsulation of the themes highlighted throughout the opinion piece.

A good piece overall but there are a few things that you need to look out for. You should also proof-read your essay to prevent careless errors and awkward expression.
Rating: 6-7/10 <--- Don't take my word for this, I'm still new to marking.