Can you please critique my Language analysis

[doboman]

Hey, PLEASE critique my language analysis.

2008 VCAA sample:

EDIT: Took my language analysis down

[Mikey123]

Whilst both pieces address the same issue,   What? Isn't there only one article?

There paragraph after intro is weak. I tend to go 2nd best idea on this paragraph. You weren't for your worst one. That paragraph was basically you showing your fancy word awareness but lacks  substance.Love the head line idea.

Overall

I reckon you lose meaning when you throw in the odd fancy word. For this keep it simple man. Also your ideas are so great but you aren't discussing them or taking them a step further. For example your free Range thing could have been connected to the image, you could have thrown the Inhuman condition the words the author uses been  a while since I read this.

Should ace this though. You work is way better than mine

[niena18]

You are trying to use too many big words, and lacking in substantial  content.