Hi could you please read my essay and creative for paper 1 discovery. I believe that my teachers are not giving me the best feedback so could you please mark it for me and give me some feedback
Spoiler
Creative Writing
Ryan shuffled the cards, dealing five to each player and thought how good life was - cards, friends, a bottle of beer. What more could anyone want? They knew that next week would be different but it too would have its benefits. They would have the chance to show their bravery, their dedication to the American way.
A soldier at the corner turned around, stared towards them with his cuts and one eye and spoke in a tense voice.
“Mate. you don’t know what you are up against....”
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They dragged the soldier’s hair, pulled him towards the chair in a darkened room and threw him like a hanging rag doll.
“Doi la con jet me (Where is the bastard)? ”
The soldier shook his head.
“I don’t understand”, he mumbled only to be smacked by the butt of the gun while he tasted his salty blood. A loud crack of guns reverberated outside like the sound of rubber bands slapping the landscape into submission. The soldier’s body dropped as the guns smashed their way towards them. A Vietnamese man attempted to find the exit as fast as possible but was consumed by the rain of bullets. Ryan and his comrades lay onto the floor, unease as they watched the bullets flew as if it travelled 100km/second. Ryan looked over his shoulder to see nearly 42 of his comrades sleeping lifelessly. Ryan turned away and continued to put his head close to the ground as if nothing happened. He waited until the thunder stopped but it took really long.
He blinked back at the swarm of darkness and thunderstorms flickering and dancing in his mind. Ryan stood up to feel the icy cold wind slicing through his fingertips. The area that he sat on was mud and water, dripping from his back, dirtying his mind as he manifests the great times he had with his comrades. This was the enemy's base. A soldier stood in front of him, saluted, called himself ‘Simon’ and explained the assassination of the Vietnamese general was a success granting their rage.
“Sergeant Ryan, are you alright?”. Ryan looked around, picked up a torch that illuminated the sky and told everyone to get ready for American supremacy. They were going to win this war. They searched every house to see if anyone was there, confirmed through their walkie talkies and travelled nearly 10km away from sight by aeroplane.
“Do it” Ryan spoke loudly.
They waited.
Later, airplanes circles around the area like animals on a circus carousel morphed into a dangerous threat . A high pitched noise dropped as light flashed before their eyes, spitting fire everywhere and sticky substances stuck onto everything. Mad sensations crawled behind his back as he witnessed the wide radius of the explosion, screaming of children, running as their clothes ripped by the explosion and the sickening cries from everywhere. Ryan, shocked on the horrific screams being heard from the sandy beach, quickly drew his binoculars.
What was that?
Everything went into slow motion as he peered over a dark figure that seemed to be one of his comrades along with some kids writhed towards the sandy beach. Ryan unconsciously stepped forward as if they were so close to him yet so far until large hands gripped onto his shoulder, but was flung away easily.
“What the hell are you doing! If you drop from here you will die!”
As he fell towards the resentful waves as they attacked each other, he thought to himself “What is the point of war...”
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It has been nearly 3 years since the incident. Amateur soldiers came springing towards their bunks as if it was their first time sleeping over. They peered towards the old soldier with battle scars and bruises everywhere on his face.
“Good afternoon sir! We are delighted to work with you today, it’s going to be a blast.” They said as they tackled and bashed each other up. The old-looking soldier turned around, stared towards them and spoke in a sorrowful but confident voice.
“Mate... you don’t know what you are up against”
Discuss Wilfred Owen’s perspective of war as represented in Dulce et Decorum Est and at least one other poem you have studied in your course.
Wilfred Owen’s poetry addresses the harsh reality of loss in war. Owen reveals how the death of the soldiers are meaningless and can ultimately result in the loss of potential future generations as the cycle of war continues. Through his poetry, ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ and ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth‘, he conveys the idea that through the loss of individual life exposes the meaningless of war. Dulce Et Decorum Est reiterates Owen’s painful and horrid perspective of war as he witnesses the death of his comrades in World War I. Similarly with ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’, he uses aural imagery in order to highlight the images of the soldiers dying and suffering from war which thereby portrays Owen’s perspective that the suffering from the soldiers are unbearing and terrifying to watch through his experiences.
The poem ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est’ is how Owen portrays loss of individuality in war in the literal sense, describing the horrific dying experiences of soldiers through his experiences. He creates a powerful and terrifying warning to the audience by revealing the gruesome realities of war, as shown as the soldiers become ‘Knock-kneed coughing like hags‘. Owen’s use of simile to suggest that the soldiers are miserably coughing like old women, demonstrating the physical decrepitude of young soldiers, made prematurely old through fatigue and wounds. Owen indicates to the audience that these soldiers should earn our pity as they begin to lose their youthful attributes. This clearly demonstrates Owen’s negative perspective on war and how the death of the soldiers become redundant as they become manifested to tools of war. This is further demonstrated through the metaphor used to suggest that the soldiers are being dehumanised from their human attributes as they enter into war, as the soldiers become ‘...deaf to even to the hoots‘ as they run away from the dangers behind them. Owen’s experiences of war clearly emphasises the degradation of soldiers as they become more valued pragmatically for their utilitarian function as weapons and thus challenges the way young audiences perceive soldiers as heroes of war. Owen effectively emphasises the loss of potential from young people as they experience the mentally and physically tolls on themselves. ar.
The poem ‘Dulce Et Decorum Est” further emphasises the pain and suffering as they lose their lives in war. He warns the audience the conflicting situations related to the terrifying experiences of war can impact an individual both physically and mentally. The use of diction of the verb ‘flung’ as he describes the death of his comrade just ‘behind the wagon that we flung him in” suggests that his comrades are uncared for after they die in the battlefield which ultimately signifies that they are no longer heroes. Owen therefore, emphasises his traumatic distress through the loss of his comrades which negatively affects him physically and mentally as a result of war. He also show that there is no time for compassion in the battlefield and thus the war should not be glorified which he fundamentally reshapes the audiences past attitudes. Owen thoroughly describes this by reiterating his past experiences of witnessing his comrades “white eyes writhing on his face”. Owen uses alliteration to create a horrific imagery of his fallen comrade intensifies the situation which scares him. Owen, therefore, effectively describes how war can easily destroy individuals that are filled with life and are pointlessly wasted on war. ue.
Similarly with the poem “Anthem for meaning --> ironicDoomed Youth”, Owen further describes the illogical realities of war due to the loss of life. Owen becomes infuriated at the loss of life as war dooms youth and there is no sense of acknowledgement. This is seen through the uses of rhetorical questioning of “What passing bells for these who died as cattle?”. The use of the rhetorical questioning along with the metaphor of the cattle and soldiers reiterating how worthless and useless they become. The metaphor of the cattle also indicates to the audience that soldiers are being born and raised overtime to fight the meaningless war, becoming more dehumanised. This, therefore, shows the true nature of war and how it is useless as well as brutal with very little purpose which continues to doom youth. This is also represented through the personification of the “monstrous anger of the guns”. Where he suggests that the sound of the guns are represented as monstrous people that is only heard as the ‘celebration’ of the death of the youth. He signifies that war essentially disregards the presence of humanity in order for victory to be achieved. As a result, Owen successfully warns the audience the futility of war as it continues to ignore the soldiers presence through an undignifying treatment, which thereby, challenges past stereotypes of soldiers being considered as heroes.
Furthermore, Owen uses ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ to invoke a sense of empathy for those who died in war as they are continuously being dehumanised to weapons of war, losing their individuality. Owen emphasises the fact that war has dehumanised individuals as they continue to suffer for their country. Owen effectively creates an oral imagery through “the shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells” in war. The use of onomatopoeia of the ‘shrills’ and ‘wailing’ recreates the sound of the sickening battlefield which further dominates the soldiers existence. The shells mimic the crying of soldiers which signifies their pain and suffering that they experiencing in war. Owen selectively chooses the sounds of bombs in order to show that there is a strong sense of dehumanisation as they are fighting as weapons of war. This is also expressed through the expressions of ‘no prayers nor bells’ that is used for the soldiers that died in war. Owen comments on the absence of prayers and bells which suggests that there is no recognition for those who died for their country and how individuals do not thank those who died for their country in a humane way. Owen therefore argues that the futility of war reflects the way soldiers are treated after they have passed, hence individuals should empathise those who died for their country.
Owen’s poems, Anthem for Doomed Youth and Dulce Et Decorum Est both demonstrate the dehumanisation of individuals in war to an extent where soldiers are treated as weapons in war. He does this by emphasising the true nature of war and how the audience should sympathise and recognise those who died to protect their country from his experiences of war.
Distinctive voices offer a variety of perspectives on the world.
Compare how this is achieved in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing. The prescribed texts are listed on the next page.
Unique voices of individuals can challenge the audience a different understanding and perspective of societal stereotypes through their feelings and predicaments. Individual experience and change in voice are able to reflect their actions and thus form a different perspective of themselves and others. The musical film ‘One Night the Moon’ directed by Rachel Perkins and the short story ‘Stick and stones and such like’ by Sanil Bandami both clearly contrast the ways perspectives are challenged which leads to a new understanding of individual experience. Perkins represents stereotypical western and aboriginal characters and how their voices change due to the confrontation of tense and divisive situations through the outback landscape. Bandami, similarly, reiterates the lifestyle of indians whose unique controversies with white society, ultimately changes his confidence with himself and those around him.
In One night... , Perkins demonstrates how individuals can challenge social norms and create change through individual actions, causing the reconsideration of stereotypes. Rose initially depicts typical racist attitudes due to her European upbringing. Previously in the film, the non-diegetic sound through the clash of the didgeridoo and the build up of the Irish folk music as Rose confronts Albert in Emily’s bedroom, shows her racist prejudice and attitude towards him. She unconsciously tells Albert to “get out” as she points towards the door to create a white settler voice of ignorance and fear towards Aboriginals through her gendered voice. The build up of the didgeridoo places more importance of Albert’s presence and voice as it dominates the scene, but tempo slows down with the close up shot of Rose. This close up of Rose’s reaction first of fear and disgust of his presence, realises the importance of his appearance. Perkin’s message to the audience is that individuals should challenge stereotypical norms in order to provide a better understanding of others. Through Rose’s experiences of her missing daughter, ultimately alter her ways of thinking by provoking a reconsideration of the need for Aboriginal support and this changes her way of speaking to them. This is demonstrated through her duet with Albert “unfinished business”. The repetition of the word ‘Unfinished Business, you and me’ creates an emphasis that they both need to fulfill their roles in society and find the child. The gentle and calm tone as Rose and Albert comes together creates a beautiful scene of Rose acknowledging Albert’s ancient knowledge of the land, and Albert fulfilling his duties as an Aboriginal creating a sense of reconciliation and recognition. This helps creates Perkin’s emotional appeal to inspire the audience that change, through experience, forces a change in perspective which overcomes racial prejudice and thus acknowledge each other as an equal.
Additionally, Perkin shapes the dominant groups from western culture as well as the recessive groups such as Albert’s oppressed voice blurs and strengthen the traditional views of racism and convey a process of change due to life-alerting experiences. Perkin’s attempts to encompass the issue of the Stolen Generation onto white settlers as a way for the audience to sympathise the Indigenous’ experiences of pain and suffering. Jim realising that Albert attempts to help find his daughter says “no blacks on my land” as the close up of his face reflects his dominance and racist views on Aboriginals. The follow up of the non-diegetic sound that builds up with Irish folk music establishes the conflict between them, resulting Jim to bump into Albert through the stage direction. Through his dominant attitude, his racial prejudice and demand for authority reflects the stereotypical white settlers. Perkins uses Jim as a way to reflect the racial prejudice and stereotypical attitude towards Indigenous people during the 20th century. As Albert finds Jim’s daughter dead, he feels that he does not ‘’know anything, anymore” while he carries a loaded gun into a child’s empty bedroom. This long shot of him walking out the front gate captures his loneliness and the void he has now that he does not have a family, a role or any voice. This change of voice becomes emotional through the depressed voice-over and slow guitar music emphasising his despair. He eventually commits suicide due to his failure to acknowledge his mistakes or reconcile with his wife. Through the black and white canvas of the stereotypical views on the Subject and Other is now blurred in order to show individuals that change, growth and experience can occur to change perspectives.
The short story ‘Sticks and Stones and such like’ similarly discusses the voices of dominant groups in western society that devalues alternate cultures. The authoritative attitudes towards other cultures, negatively impacts on the identity of an individual and their views on their culture. The indian character ‘Sunil’ is a victim of this racial discrimination. The use of name calling “...wash your back off you stupid black idiot!” from the authoritative group demonstrates their ignorance towards other cultures, which ultimately reflects on their identity. Bandami emphasises that through the authoritative voices of dominant groups, it can significantly downgrade individuals and the audience sympathise those who view themselves as ‘pathetic’ as a result. Bandami emphasises the way stereotypical cultures ignore the cultural significance through the use of alliteration as dominant groups describe Indians as ‘dirty black bastards”. The constant use of ‘dirty black bastard’ in their society creates a rhythm which is widely used and thus influence individuals to say it. Bandami strongly suggests that the notion of cultures that repetitively downgrade people in today’s society are meaningless. This demonstrates that those who dominate certain groups can ignorantly limit their views of the world and will only damage those around them which is considered meaningless.
‘Sticks and stones...’ further demonstrates the shift from oppressed voices into confidence which consequently allows them to connect with their cultural heritage due to their maturity. Sunil becomes too depressed and embarrassed at his own name that they lose their connection with their culture and personal spirituality. This is seen as Sunil’s constant repetition of the rhetorical questioning “If I couldn’t be less black, surely I could get a name that makes me less black?” further demonstrates his hopelessness and lack of confidence of his own identity and thus reflects on his culture negatively. It also emphasises that victims of racial discriminations will further neglect themselves from society and becomes oppressed both mentally and physically. Badami reflects this notion of cultures affect the individual and should be challenged in today’s society and sympathise those who are already victims. This creates an emotional appeal to inspire the audience to challenge racial discrimination and sympathise to those victims that are downgraded, which shows the only a negative perspective in their world. Although through discrimination, it sheds light to those who experience negativity and accept them positively. This is shown through the accumulation as he hears his name “Sunil” and understands the powerful and uniqueness of it. The way he identifies the meanings of his name through his accumulation “Mount everest, ice cave, Shira’s birthday, and the Ganges and all that?” indicates that he has overpowered the stereotypical perspectives on Indians and changed his oppressed voice into one of confidence and positivity. Sunil also views his culture in a positive light as he realises the possible meanings of his name. Badami influences the audience that individuals should confidently and positively enhance their unique names as it radiates their own character and personality. This, therefore, creates a strong understanding that those who confidently accepts their identity and culture will ultimately views themselves in a bigger perspective on themselves and challenge perspectives of others.
Feed
Social context can shape our interactions and perceptions of ourselves and others How is this represented in your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing
The social context in which individuals live in influences the way they interact and perceive ourselves and others. Through their communications, individuals are able to reaffirm their perception and interactions within their social context. M.T. Anderson’s novel ‘Feed’ depicts a dystopian society and views a satirical futuristic society based on advertisement and consumerism culture. Similarly with the text Margin by Error by Nancy Kress focuses on the technological society where status dominates over familial relationships.
M.T. Anderson’s dystopian novel, ‘Feed,‘ clearly emphasises how a digital context can shape an individual behaviour and understanding of themselves and place in society. He represents his concern over his “teenager” culture, namely that he was “connected all the time through devices of one kind or another“, and uses this personal experience to condemn socio cultural trends which limit the individual’s connection with others. The social context of the Feed is brainwashing the younger generation to think and act in a particular way, consequently pushes them to be positive. The structural italics of the Feedchat, “...we are a new people. It is not the age of oneiric culture, the culture of dreams.” brainwashes the citizens about the current social context of America, ironically suggesting they are living in a utopian world where there is a crisis. The constant positive comments about America pressures all citizens to think in a particular way which indicates that they are too caught up in the digital world not realising the negative events happening around them such as the bombing in America. This manifests the individual's behaviour to think and act in an unrealistic way. M.T. Anderson criticises the media that ‘insulates us from understanding the world’ meaning they are living in a republic where it is controlled by the government. This social influence of dependently using technology consequently, shapes poor knowledge of themselves and those around them. This is evident in the irony as Titus thinks about how “it’s great to know everything about everything, whenever we want, to have it just like, in our brain, just sitting there.” He claims that people possessing a feed ‘know everything‘ when in actuality, it is the feed that tells us what to do and say. They as a result are passive, described AS ‘just sitting there’. Anderson is therefore making the comment that teenagers are becoming too overwhelmed by technology and less aware of themselves and others. Furthermore, this is also demonstrated that in a technological context individuals are lacking maturity. The constant use of explicit language of “Titus! Did you fuckin‘ see that?” shows that the conversation with Titus and his friends lack literacy which as a result lack communication. The only words that they use is only explicit language which shows how a technological social context has changed/shaped the way he communicates and interacts with others. M.T. Anderson therefore suggests that in a digital context, individuals are over the influence of technology which limits the individual's connection with others which consequently shape their behaviour and understanding of themselves and society.
Similarly with the short story ‘Margin by Error’ by Nancy Kress, she strongly emphasises to the audience that a digital society can shape an individual's interactions and perception of themselves and others drastically focussing on a familial relationship. This is seen in the relationship between two siblings who have different values and social status as one chooses family and “diapers” and children in a context that values technological advancement while the other is a recognised scientist who is Metaphorically described as Paula “...came back in a blaze of glory”. Paula’s wants and desire for accolades shapes her egocentric perception and immoral actions. This is evident when Paula amends for her actions for stealing Karen’s project through the metaphor “For the sake of the project, I have to be the project”. The way she identifies herself as an project shows that the technological system has influenced individuals to desire for social status which causes immoral actions. This shows that technological system has caused individuals to shape their perception on themselves and others by influencing individuals that social status is important. Technological society additionally shapes an individual's behaviour to believe they are superior when exposed as a scientist. This is highlighted when Paula “strutted like a soldier after winning a war”. This simile of her strutting like a warrior indicates that she is confident on her ability and social status in comparison with Karen. This indicates to the audience that in a technological system, individuals are arrogant in their social status which shapes their understanding and perception of themselves and others. Moreover, technological contexts can also lose and shift an individual’s behaviour and perception of themselves and others when over reliant on technology. T his is also demonstrated through the allusion of Karen. “When you boiled the two frogs slowly and they died... Sometimes a frog jumps out.” The symbolism of the frog jumping out of the water symbolises Karen omitting herself from the digital society in order to value familial relationships. It also shows that Paula is the frogs that die in the water bath indicating that those who value technology more than family will soon regret and face the consequences. This shows that the technological world has affected the way individuals interact and perceive themselves and others through the dominance of technology over familial relationships.
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