Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi!
I've made a thesis statemtn and adapted it to a few questions. Could you please check them? Thanksss

Hey Shreya! Absolutely, I'll let you know what I think

For Question 1, I like the second wording of your Thesis a lot better. That said, I also think it is just a little bit vague - HOW and WHY are discoveries affected by cultural perspectives. What sort of values are reconsidered? The Thesis leaves a few too many blanks for my liking, and part of that is that you are trying to talk about so many different things. I'd simplify it a little - My Thesis for this question would simply be that seemingly identical experiences can yield completely different transformations in different people not because of the experience itself, but because of the way the experience is perceived. This is affected by personal and cultural perspectives. Something like that - Puts more focus on the idea of the question

Question 2, again, how is transformation affected by rediscovery. It just seems like a very shaky link that doesn't quite make sense, or is otherwise not quite clarified correctly.

And Question 3 is the same, a little vague. What do you mean by "degree of revelation?" Why are Discoveries empowering?

Ultimately, you are going to have these issues if you try and copy/paste a Thesis to respond to very different questions and only change a few words. You are trying to connect this idea of challenging and confronting experiences, and this can be done! For Question 1 you could link the embracing/rejection of these challenges to the perspectives of the person. You could link rediscovery to a reshaping of perspectives of Q2. And Q3 is a natural fit - Confronting. You just need to explain the links more carefully and more fully, and this will definitely mean changing the way you word your ideas for each question

[stephjones]

Hey guys! I have an exam tomorrow today and we were given two potential questions. I didn't want to waste my time preparing full essay responses for both, so originally I was just going to map out an essay plan for each one, but I think I might have found a way to create a thesis statement that covers both, and I was hoping someone would be able to check it for me!

1. The most significant discoveries have the potential to change our understanding of ourselves and our perception of the world.
Discuss this statement making reference to your prescribed text and ONE related text of your own choosing.
OR
2. Discoveries can be intensely meaningful in ways that may be emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual.
How accurately does this statement reflect the experiences of individuals in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

THESIS STATEMENT:
Discoveries have the potential to alter an individual’s perspective of themselves, others and the world around them through their emotional, intellectual and spiritual impacts. It is these impacts which make them intensely meaningful and significant to the individual.

and then my topic sentences are

Discoveries may impact an individual intellectually in their acceleration of ideas regarding new worlds. They also have the potential to effect one’s emotions, and hence alter their perspective of others in their lives. Unexpected or confronting discoveries have the potential to catalyse a negative shift in one’s perception of the world. Conversely, discoveries may catalyse positive personal growth and a renewed worldview.

Thank you for your feedback!! 

[ajajaj]

Hey guys!
I've written this assumption:
"How the confrontation of death results in discovery that is transformative in nature."
Would it then be suitable to say later in the paragraph that the protagonist has undergone "profound emotional discovery" or is that not enough to link to the transformative nature of discovery mentioned in my assumption? How could I modify this?
Thanks!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys!
I've written this assumption:
"How the confrontation of death results in discovery that is transformative in nature."
Would it then be suitable to say later in the paragraph that the protagonist has undergone "profound emotional discovery" or is that not enough to link to the transformative nature of discovery mentioned in my assumption? How could I modify this?
Thanks!

Hey aj! So I'd say that it's not quite enough - You need to look at HOW the individual has transformed. What perspectives have been altered and how? Because if you are saying that Discovery is transformative, you can't just say "emotional discovery" and have that encapsulate the transformation you are considering. So you need to consider WAYS the protagonist is transformed. Hope that is helpful? ☺

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey guys! I have an exam tomorrow today and we were given two potential questions. I didn't want to waste my time preparing full essay responses for both, so originally I was just going to map out an essay plan for each one, but I think I might have found a way to create a thesis statement that covers both, and I was hoping someone would be able to check it for me!

Hey Steph! I hope you read this before your exam today/tomorrow, but I think this is great! Your Thesis is saying that the impact of Discoveries can be linked to a change in perspective - I think this covers both quite nicely. Don't be afraid to adapt the wording once you know the question on the day to REALLY hone in on what is being asked! ☺

[ajajaj]

Hey aj! So I'd say that it's not quite enough - You need to look at HOW the individual has transformed. What perspectives have been altered and how? Because if you are saying that Discovery is transformative, you can't just say "emotional discovery" and have that encapsulate the transformation you are considering. So you need to consider WAYS the protagonist is transformed. Hope that is helpful? ☺

Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?

[jamonwindeyer]

Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?

I don' THINK we have that, but it's a great idea!! Elyse might even start something for it!

[stephjones]

Hey Steph! I hope you read this before your exam today/tomorrow, but I think this is great! Your Thesis is saying that the impact of Discoveries can be linked to a change in perspective - I think this covers both quite nicely. Don't be afraid to adapt the wording once you know the question on the day to REALLY hone in on what is being asked! ☺

Thank you! I had my exam this morning and I did end up catering more specifically to the question (:

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you! I had my exam this morning and I did end up catering more specifically to the question (:

Awesome to hear! Feeling confident?

[stephjones]

Awesome to hear! Feeling confident?

I managed to get more down than I was expecting to, so hoping for the best haha

[jamonwindeyer]

I managed to get more down than I was expecting to, so hoping for the best haha

AWESOME! So great to hear, fingers crossed for you

[elysepopplewell]

Thanks for the feedback Jamon!
Not sure if you've answered this question already but do you guys have a list of synonyms for 'discovery' (other than thesaurus.com) here?

As for individual words you can use for discovery - perhaps epiphany, uncovering, revelation, revealing, realisation... You need to be sure you're using each of these in the correct context seeing as they have slightly different connotations.

[hanaacdr]

hi
just a quick question,
for our half yearlies, we have been given 3 possible questions they might ask us
do you recommend writing up a thesis statement for all three of them and memorise the body?
or just memorise body and write up thesis statements during the exam?
or even topic sentences for each paragraph,
or do you recommend any other good strategies

sorry one more question,
do you recommend writing out paragraphs according to themes or text?
ie. intro text1 text 2 text1 text 2 conc
or intro theme 1 theme 2 conc

[jamonwindeyer]

hi
just a quick question,
for our half yearlies, we have been given 3 possible questions they might ask us
do you recommend writing up a thesis statement for all three of them and memorise the body?
or just memorise body and write up thesis statements during the exam?
or even topic sentences for each paragraph,
or do you recommend any other good strategies

sorry one more question,
do you recommend writing out paragraphs according to themes or text?
ie. intro text1 text 2 text1 text 2 conc
or intro theme 1 theme 2 conc

Hey Hanaacdr! Very much a personal strategy there - Since you've been given three questions, it would be good to have at least a rough idea of how you'd respond to all of them. So at a bare minimum, perhaps memorise an essay plan for each question. That would be a Thesis, topic sentences, and what quotes go in which paragraph (or something similar to that). Basically, just a map of what your response will be, without actually writing it. That seems like the most efficient way to do it in my opinion of course you might want to memorise more than that, and that is cool, you might want to give this article a read, Elyse's tips on memorising essays!

On your second question - Writing "Text by Text" is called a non-integrated response. Writing by theme is an integrated response. In general, either works and it depends on your preference, but I personally prefer integrated responses, and I do notice a slight tendency for integrated responses to be more effective than their non integrated counterparts

[Thebarman]

Hey, my question is somewhat a continuation from the last question.

We've been given 3 possible questions for the AOS essay. Each question is more or less two-fold. For example, option 1 states,
"Discovery may emerge from a deliberate course of action or it may be an unexpected outcome, taking the individual by surprise.
To what extent do the texts you have studied support this observation?"

All questions feature two halfs to it like the one above. How would I go about answering this? Apparently I choose one half of the question to discuss, and only focus on that. So what's the best way to tackle this?
Thanks!