Hey guys.
I have some news.
So, I've been chronically ill for a while now. 3, almost 4 years? Anyway. It's pain that I've been dealing with for a long time. Dismissal from doctors. Denial. Anger and frustration, depression and contempt that I've had for myself, because there have been so many times where this hurt has refused to let me do what I want to.
I've felt useless for a long, long while. This thing has shattered my self-confidence, and my motivation. My faith in the medical professionals meant to help me.
But guess what?
I got a diagnosis.
Finally. After all this time, it turns out I have a gastrointestinal bacterial infection. It is called H. Pylori, and in serious cases (like mine) it causes ulcers in the stomach and duodenum, and can also damage the upper intestines.
It's not "just anxiety". It's not anaemia. It's not anything I've done wrong. It just is.
It's so validating to me now to know that I wasn't just imagining things for years. There's a reason I spend so many nights writhing in pain, vomiting, exhausted. A reason I have "untreatable" iron anaemia. A reason for the vertigo. A reason for the uncontrollable shaking.
I've had bleeding wounds in my gut for years. Something the doctors somehow never noticed. But I'm finally being seen. And I've started treatment! 2 weeks of antibiotics that make my brain foggy and my body hurt.
Something that a lot of people don't recognise is the prejudice against people with mental health conditions in the medical system. I was dismissed so many times; because I'm a young woman, sure - but also because when a doctor looks at my record, all they see is the physical manifestation of anxiety.
I'm genuinely lucky that it didn't get worse. And I'm happy for that. But I want to bring attention to the fact that, by dismissing the ill physical health of someone with ill mental health, you're not only risking their wellbeing in both senses - you're also removing the choices a normal person would be given without hesitation.
Anyway.
I'm looking forward to seeing myself pain-free for the first time in my adult life. I'm excited to see where I will go. How liberated I will feel.
For the first time, I know an end is coming. And it's one of the best feelings I've ever known.