Become a member of committee of clubs - its just not working out for me smh

[nikki21]

Hey!
So, I consider myself to be an outgoing, chill girl but apparently I can't get that across on google forms (lol). So, I've been applying to be on sub-committee for a few clubs (just a jaffy who missed out on.. lol everything, trying to make up for the fun next year while gaining some leadership experience) and got rejected like four times. Considering all of them were just based on what I wrote in the google doc, I guess I'm lacking there. So, I've attached below what I wrote for one of my applications. Please give me some feedback and TELL ME THE SECRET to actually getting accepted.

Tell us a bit about you.
My response: Hey! So I'm a jaffy this year and thanks to Miss.Rona I went to campus for a grand total of 1 day. I'm keen to make up for all the lost fun with you guys. I've been told I'm a great cook, pretty *wholesome* :-) and am always down for a boogie.

Tell us about a qualities that'll help you in the role.
The strength I’m most proud of is my creativity. Not just through my design skills but I can also be inventive when coming up with solutions and find new ways to do things. I get along well with others and that helps me build networks. My moto is “have fun while getting shit done” (FYI that rhymed).

Tell us about any relevant leadership experience
I’m very active in the community service realm. I’ve been volunteering full-time at a small non-profit called ‘Refugee for hope’, for 4 years now. Earlier in my career there, I was a part of the events team. We organise weekly events and I was one of the hosts. Now, I manage the events and am in charge of making sure they run smoothly and that it is a rewarding and fun experience for those who attend.

Do you have any ideas for the committee? (Okay, looking back now I see why I was lacking in this part. Was generic and sounded a bit flat)
Well, I think MUSLCC should definitely be more active in community service. We could start a “Mission Series” where we post Q&A with Sri Lankan’s doing well in their domain (entrepreneurs, students). Also collaborating with non-profits long-term to build relationships; events, donating, promoting to get volunteers on board ect. These efforts may even help us get more sponsors. Also, being more active on social media in general and showing off what the committee is really about by doing student takeovers

Do you have any ideas for the specialist position you're going for, or any experience?
I think we’d be filling a real gap by focusing our community engagement projects on Sri Lankan Youth. Having been very active in the volunteering realm, I’ve picked up skills around marketing and have formed some solid relationships with local charities. I feel this could be a huge asset to the committee .

Considering this was a position for extended committee, I see how i could've made it more "diverse" instead of just focusing on community service (which is what I indicated I was interested in most when they asked). But having been rejected multiple times in similar applications just makes me wonder what I could improve on, even in my general pitching skills.

So any feedback would be appreciated

[colline]

Hey! Bit of a late reply but I thought I might offer my 2 cents! Just for reference I don't go to Monash and both committees I got in to are commerce clubs which has a much more corporate/professional development focus as opposed to social, so the selection criteria might be a bit different.

Tell us a bit about you.
My response: Hey! So I'm a jaffy this year and thanks to Miss.Rona I went to campus for a grand total of 1 day. I'm keen to make up for all the lost fun with you guys. I've been told I'm a great cook, pretty *wholesome* :-) and am always down for a boogie.

IMO this introduction might come off as a bit too unprofessional. I'd get rid of the last sentence or at least reword it. You should also add some specifics which links to the club (eg. are you Sri Lankan? / do you want to learn about Sri Lankan culture? etc), as opposed to a generic intro which can be used for most clubs. Make it really personalised to the club you're applying to. I'd also recommend adding your course, but it's not a necessity.

Tell us about a qualities that'll help you in the role.
The strength I’m most proud of is my creativity. Not just through my design skills but I can also be inventive when coming up with solutions and find new ways to do things. I get along well with others and that helps me build networks. My moto is “have fun while getting shit done” (FYI that rhymed).

Ok so for this one you absolutely need to expand on HOW your creativity can actually be useful. Give specific examples. "I can be inventive when coming up with solutions and find new ways to do things" is a very generic response that doesn't tell the screener anything. Without examples to back it up, it's just an empty statement. Also, motto, not moto.

Tell us about any relevant leadership experience
I’m very active in the community service realm. I’ve been volunteering full-time at a small non-profit called ‘Refugee for hope’, for 4 years now. Earlier in my career there, I was a part of the events team. We organise weekly events and I was one of the hosts. Now, I manage the events and am in charge of making sure they run smoothly and that it is a rewarding and fun experience for those who attend.

This is a great example and you can flesh it out further by talking about what you've actually achieved in your role. Focus on the OUTCOMES. Eg. "I extensively marketed our events through various social media platforms, which saw our sign-up numbers double within the first week". Just like your response to the question before, right now your statements don't really say anything. As the question asks about leadership, you should also talk about the team you managed and as always, give examples.

Do you have any ideas for the specialist position you're going for, or any experience?
I think we’d be filling a real gap by focusing our community engagement projects on Sri Lankan Youth. Having been very active in the volunteering realm, I’ve picked up skills around marketing and have formed some solid relationships with local charities. I feel this could be a huge asset to the committee

Again like before, be specific. You said you picked up skills around marketing - what skills exactly? Graphic design? Web development? Copywriting? Also, I wouldn't say "I feel this could be a huge asset..." as it sounds like you aren't really confident about whether you'd actually add value to the club.

Anyway I hope that helps a little! I'm actually doing recruitment for one of the clubs I'm involved in so more than happy to answer any questions that you have