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Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 603441 times)

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mohanedibrahim1

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #915 on: April 04, 2017, 11:18:44 am »
Hey just say you do 12 units just like me, and during your HSC Exam really mess up on one would that affect your ATAR.

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #916 on: April 04, 2017, 11:41:40 am »
Hey just say you do 12 units just like me, and during your HSC Exam really mess up on one would that affect your ATAR.

If you do well in the others and they would give you a strong result, that one poor result won't matter! They only take your best 10 units ;D

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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #917 on: April 04, 2017, 06:29:36 pm »
I haven't been able to show her but I hope I'm the right track
I'm not exactly sure how to apply the notion of "standpoint" when in regards to cosmetic surgery. Do  you have to explain how your standpoint has been changed by various life experience then talk about your response through that stand point? How could do this in regards to cosmetic surgery? I'm not sure how economic, personal, and social contexts might also play into cosmetic surgery over time?

Ciao anotherworld! How are you going with these responses? How is your teacher responding to them? I'd love to know if we're putting you on the right track :)

Spoiler
Responses to the documentary ‘The Ugly Truth About Beauty’ by Barcroft TV can be shaped in numerous ways depending on the viewer’s cultural context.

On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century are likely to respond to documentary’s warning with interest and wonder. First world countries in the 21st century often provides its citizens with a wide access to luxurious utilities and facilities. In addition, one of the most pressing issues of discussion is body image and appearance. As a person living in a first world country I am able to see the prevalence of vanity in the pursue of a perfect appearance by using cosmetic surgery and procedures. Time and money are spent on the luxury called maintaining beauty rather than on essentials such as food, water and shelter. This reflects a vain attitude towards valuing luxuries such as maintaining appearance rather than things essential to survival. As a result, to individuals that are blessed with numerous privileges they may be able to appreciate and praise the documentaries exploration of the issue of body insecurity. Hence, a viewer's response is shaped by their cultural context.

I'm going to suggest some overall things rather than nit-picking at your work - because the work is fine! It's very clear, not at all waffley, etc.
I don't know what the expectation is with WA tasks, but in the HSC, even if it isn't specified that you are to talk about techniques from the text, you should anyway and use that as your point of analysis. Also, you might consider the notion of "standpoint" when giving your analysis. A standpoint is essentially the point of view someone holds shaped by various life experiences. Cultural context would influence this heavily. Also, I might suggested broadening the types of context you discuss. Cultural context is used loosely here, but perhaps economic, personal, and social contexts might also play into this? I'm not sure if you have the word capacity to explore these, but these different lenses will give new depth to your work and I think it's really worth considering if it's at all an option. Your piece currently answers the question in a very straight forward way, so perhaps looking at the different types of contexts would be beneficial for layering the response to give it a little decadence :)
« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 01:13:25 am by anotherworld2b »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #918 on: April 04, 2017, 09:14:30 pm »
I haven't been able to show her but I hope I'm the right track
I'm not exactly sure how to apply the notion of "standpoint" when in regards to cosmetic surgery. Do  you have to explain how your standpoint has been changed by various life experience then talk about your response through that stand point? How could do this in regards to cosmetic surgery? I'm not sure how economic, personal, and social contexts might also play into cosmetic surgery over time?

Looking at contexts first:
Economic context:
Cosmetic surgery is far from cheap. One's personal economic context would have a lot to do with the way they perceive surgery: a luxury, completely unimaginable, or in budget?
Social context:
In different social realms, ideas of beauty are perceived differently. I don't think it's a succinct statement to say that people in war-torn countries would be baffled by a Western perception of beauty. I think that many people want to feel beautiful, even amongst war. So I think the better option is to talk about social context and the way priorities are sorted amongst that.

As for standpoint: Standpoint is the way all kinds of contexts have come together to give you your point of view. So, we could simply say, "Coming from a developed country with developed economic privilege, my standpoint empathises with the pursuit of vanity through cosmetic surgery." So it's a way of saying "perspective" that has been shaped by context over time. Standpoint isn't at all something you definitely need to include, it's just a new piece of vocab I think you might find useful :)
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #919 on: April 07, 2017, 01:11:25 am »
Thank you for your help.
I was also wondering if I could get feedback on this response please.
We started a new task.  :)

I was also hoping to get feedback on how well I fulfilled the criteria please.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 03:16:02 pm by anotherworld2b »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #920 on: April 09, 2017, 09:08:32 am »
Thank you for your help.
I was also wondering if I could get feedback on this response please.
We started a new task.  :)

I was also hoping to get feedback on how well I fulfilled the criteria please.

Love the ATAR Notes tabs open up the top of the screenshot ;)

Spoiler
                                                                                       
1.   Discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text you have studied.

George Orwell’s dystopian narrative ‘1984’ can be interpreted in numerous ways due to differing historical contexts and cultural backgrounds in regards to political influences of differing governments. Orwell’s intent for his narrative ‘1984’ to serve as a warning to his readers towards the danger of totalitarianism and the possible consequences just after World War 2 can evoke different responses from various audience groups. To people living during a period in which tyranny was a reality, Orwell’s warning may evoke a response of fear and acknowledgement to the daunting reminder that communism could potentially become a driving force that permeates the way of life bringing about hardship and suffering. To others, such as modern readers in the 21st century, Orwell’s warning may simply be looked upon as a relic of the past with readers responding with a lack of understanding and appreciation of privileges granted to them. These numerous responses develop from different attitudes, values and beliefs promoted within differing contexts. I think another point you could incorporate here is the way that the obedience/trust/distrust/relationship with politics was constructed in the text and in reality. Could people be drawing parallels even within democracy? I think that modern readers could possibly even gain more from this than the contemporaries. The New Yorker wrote this which might give you some ideas about how this relates to modern world! :)

Vulnerable individuals living in the 20th century may have a greater understanding of Orwell’s warning about the danger of totalitarianism. Historically, tyranny was a reality in numerous countries such as Spain, Germany and the Soviet Union At what point in history? "Historically" isn't succinct enough when we are dealing with contexts. . In these countries, people subjected to hunger and forced labor over time often began to accept their predicament as a normal aspect of life under a dictated reign in history. This is reflective of a passive attitude established in ‘1984’ to be one of obedience towards ultimate authority and the belief that citizens under a dictated should be subjected complete political power and authority regardless of personal will. This attitude and belief is often upheld by the majority of citizens in countries in which tyranny was prevalent during the 20th century and strongly resonates with the dictatorship of Joseph Stalin in particular. Joseph Stalin was a dictator of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics who ruled by terror and eliminated anyone who threatened his authority, changing the Soviet Union from a peasant society into an industrial and military superpower. Millions of his own citizens died under his brutal reign including millions of farmers who refused to cooperate with Stalin’s orders and were shot or exiled as punishment. These last two sentences - no analysis, just description of context. I'm not sure how much of this your teacher wants you to give considering your response is supposed to respond to context, so perhaps see what your teacher thinks of this. In a HSC essay, if this sat on its own without being explicitly and immediately linked we would be suggesting it is wasted words. But, this is a different type of response and might warrant something else! This knowledge reinforces the passive attitude of obedience towards authority, the value of survival and the belief that absolute obedience will increase one’s chances of survival in a time of tyranny in history and in ‘1984’. The term totalitarianism is typically associated with tyranny and Stalin’s reign displays this idea clearly. Ultimately, the value of freedom and the value of life in the minds of individuals held captive by totalitarianism are eventually erased in ‘1984’. Eventually, citizens of Oceania only have one priority: to be obedient and survive. Orwell’s warning is therefore considered to be one of importance to individuals who fear the danger of communism being a potential driving force that permeates their own way of life bring about hardships and suffering as seen in Stalin’s reign. As a result, to individuals that are ‘free’ during a time of tyranny are motivated to value freedom and the ability to control their own lives. Furthermore, vulnerable people fearing the prospect of living under a dictated reign are likely to respond to Orwell’s warning with seriousness and fear.

On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century are likely may to respond to Orwell’s warning with a lack of seriousness and appreciation towards privileges that are granted to them. Orwell’s warning can evoke such a response from this audience group because first world countries are typically associated with being a western country that is either capitalist or democratic in which numerous privileges are taken for granted as rights. Typically, first world countries in the 21st century provide its citizens with an unlimited access to universal freedoms and often govern using democracy. Furthermore, it is a assumed belief that people should have access to universal rights. It is from this belief that a spoilt and conceited attitude is established towards the value and belief of accessing these freedoms and rights. Furthermore, communism is not perceived to be a driving force that can influence a modern reader’s way of life. It is instead considered to be a relic of the past rather than a pressing issue. I think that perhaps the "threat" of communism is a passed "threat." but I don't think communism in general is a relic of the past - and being specific about this is important because we are discussing context explicitly. Without a firsthand experience living under undesired situations such as under tyranny the true value of freedom, a submissive attitude to absolute authority and unrestrained beliefs cannot be fully appreciated without experiencing hardship and suffering. In addition, a modern reader’s possible lack of seriousness and fear towards Orwell’s warning in ‘1984’ reflects a mindset that pictures communism as a foreign idea will never happen in the reality and that freedoms are simply rights rather than privileges. As a result, a modern reader is likely to respond to Orwell’s warning to the danger of totalitarianism with a lack of seriousness and appreciation towards a wide access of numerous privileges due to a different cultural context. I think your response can be broadened by reading the threat of totalitarianism beyond "communism" and instead just as totalitarianism. Totalitarianism can be aspired to outside of communism - and I think acknowledging this will expand your response. I suggested these two readings to broaden your perspective, thus richening your response. Reading One. Reading two.

Furthermore, individuals whom lived in fear of oppression and tyranny stemmed from the aftermath of war and manipulation will inevitably respond towards Orwell’s dystopian narrative with seriousness and alertness as they are aware of the dangers and the suffering experienced by those oppressed by tyranny in neighbouring countries. As a result of contrasting historical and cultural contexts across various audience groups and individuals, responses and meanings towards Orwell’s warning in the narrative ‘1984’ are distinctly differ. The contrasting values, beliefs and attitudes promoted within varying contexts can influence and shape one’s interpretation of a text.

As suggested throughout, I think your argument can be varied by engaging with the text in a way that espouses a reading not specifically aligned with communism. By focusing on the idea of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance, you can tap into very specific aspects of history in two different periods. Also, don't shy away from comparing how an audience in 21st century America might perceive this differently to 21st century UK or Australia. It's ok to scoop developed countries in the 21st century together, but your response would be clearer with identifying the specific audiences (as per the criteria) with a more clear specification.
Also, I think that by focusing on more specific ideas like trust/distrust, surveillance, etc, rather than just larger paradigms like communism, you'll be able to nail the other criteria too by focusing on more similarities between the context, and thus drawing stronger differences :)

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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #921 on: April 09, 2017, 11:02:41 am »
Thank you for your feedback  ;D
I'll be back when I edit my response  ;D
Love the ATAR Notes tabs open up the top of the screenshot ;)
Also, I think that by focusing on more specific ideas like trust/distrust, surveillance, etc, rather than just larger paradigms like communism, you'll be able to nail the other criteria too by focusing on more similarities between the context, and thus drawing stronger differences :)
« Last Edit: April 11, 2017, 01:11:00 am by anotherworld2b »

anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #922 on: April 11, 2017, 01:12:33 am »
Hi I'm back.
I tried to incorporate your advice and feedback but I'm a bit unsure if I was successful

Spoiler

« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 03:15:51 pm by anotherworld2b »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #923 on: April 14, 2017, 05:29:27 am »
Hi I'm back.
I tried to incorporate your advice and feedback but I'm a bit unsure if I was successful

Hey! Happy to have a look :)

Spoiler
1.   Discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text you have studied.

George Orwell’s dystopian narrative ‘1984’ can be interpreted in numerous ways due to differing historical contexts and cultural backgrounds in regards to the political influences of differing governments on the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance. Orwell’s intent for his narrative ‘1984’ to serve as a warning to his readers towards the danger of totalitarianism and the possible consequences just after World War 2 can evoke different responses from various audience groups and the extent certain ideas and issues portrayed are explored. This is a long sentence - I'm wondering if it would be most clearly expressed by having a sentence only about the way audiences respond to things (not about the text), and then a sentence linking this to the text? To people living during a period in which tyranny was a reality, Orwell’s warning may evoke a response of fear and acknowledgement to the daunting reminder that communism could potentially become a driving force that permeates the way of life bringing about hardship and suffering. To others, such as modern readers in the 21st century, Orwell’s warning about the threat of Communism may simply be looked upon as a relic of the past with readers responding with a lack of understanding and appreciation. On the contrary, modern readers may be able to explore the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust and surveillance to a greater extent than contemporary readers due to a differing cultural context. The difference between modern readers and contemporary readers isn't clear here - only because "the contemporary's of the text" are people reading the text when it was first published, but contemporary readers are current readers. So when this is in the same sentence as "modern" readers as well, the distinction is just a little awkward. I can assume I understand each audience, but ambiguity is best to be left out. These numerous responses develop from different attitudes, values and beliefs promoted within differing contexts. However, in both ‘1984’ and in reality a clear relationship involving trust and obedience with politics is similarly constructed in both texts allowing the audience to draw parallels within the concept of democracy. In addition, it appears as though modern readers are able to delve deeper into ‘1984’ and apply their knowledge to reality than contemporary readers. Love this...

Vulnerable individuals living in the 20th century may have a greater understanding of Orwell’s warning about the threat of totalitarianism. The fact that Orwell lived through two world wars and saw the rise of totalitarian regimes on an unprecedented scale that included tyranny in Spain, Germany and the Soviet Union during his lifetime greatly influenced his inspiration for ‘1984’. In these countries, people subjected to hunger and forced labor over time often began to accept their predicament as a normal aspect of life under a dictated reign in history. This is reflective of a passive attitude established in ‘1984’ to be one of obedience towards ultimate authority and the belief that citizens under a dictated should be subjected complete political power and authority regardless of personal will. This attitude and belief is often upheld by the majority of citizens in countries in which tyranny was prevalent during the 20th century and strongly resonates with the dictatorship of Joseph Stalin in particular. In addition, the fact that Joseph Stalin was a dictator of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics who ruled by terror and eliminated anyone who threatened his authority further reinforces the terrifying consequence in misplacing unquestioned trust in politics without exercising one’s own critical thinking.This knowledge reinforces the passive attitude of obedience towards authority, the value of survival and the belief that absolute obedience will increase one’s chances of survival in a time of tyranny in history and in ‘1984’. The term totalitarianism is typically associated with tyranny and Stalin’s reign displays this idea clearly. Ultimately, the value of freedom and the value of life in the minds of individuals held captive by totalitarianism are eventually erased in ‘1984’. Eventually, citizens of Oceania only have one priority: to be obedient and survive. Orwell’s warning is therefore considered to be one of importance to individuals who fear the danger of communism being a potential driving force that permeates their own way of life bring about hardships and suffering as seen in Stalin’s reign. As a result, to individuals that are ‘free’ during a time of tyranny are motivated to value freedom and the ability to control their own lives. Furthermore, vulnerable people fearing the prospect of living under a dictated reign are likely to respond to Orwell’s warning of the threat of Communism with seriousness and fear. Great description. I don't think your question requires it, but perhaps it does without saying so: do you need to reference specific aspects of the text? Do you need to draw attention to concepts like Big Brother or specific passages, or is it enough for this kind of response to talk about the themes in general? If you don't need to be specific, this is wonderful - but naturally it is the next step in developing a response into an essay. Don't do more than what the question expects of you, of course. We don't want to risk losing marks in the aim of gaining them!

On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century may to respond to Orwell’s warning towards the threat of Communism with a lack of seriousness and appreciation. Orwell’s warning can evoke such a response from this audience group because first world countries are typically associated with being a western country that is either capitalist and/or democratic in which numerous privileges are taken for granted as rights. Unique take, I like it! On the other hand modern readers may respond to the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness. Typically, first world countries in the 21st century such as America provide its citizens with an unlimited personally, I'm not sure I would agree with "unlimited" but it works. access to universal freedoms and often govern using democracy. Furthermore, it is a assumed belief that people should have access to universal rights. It is from this belief that a spoilt and conceited attitude is established towards the value and belief of accessing these freedoms and rights. Furthermore, the threat of communism is not perceived to be a driving force that can influence a modern reader’s way of life. It is instead considered to be a relic of the past rather than a pressing issue. However, different issues that arise from the concept of communism are applicable to modern society to a greater relation to modern readers than to contemporary readers. The terrifying idea of surveillance on a person without their content or awareness simultaneously conveys the betrayal of trust placed in the government to be manipulated in such a way to control its citizens. Following Edward Snowden revealing a massive surveillance program in which the U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) could monitor the cellphone and internet activity of U.S. citizens the sales of 1984 spiked by about 7,000 per cent according to..... This recent revelation of the United States’ domestic surveillance operations further supports the eerie realisation that the distant future George Orwell imagined in ‘1984’ may not be as distant as first believed. It may seem like an absurd idea but in reality the technological possibilities of surveillance and data collection and storage in modern society surpasses what Orwell imagined Here, I would be talking about a particular few ideas in the text that Orwell suggests and relate them to this. Not just ideas of surveillance, but actually aliken the text's examples of surveillance to reality.. In addition, a modern reader’s possible lack of seriousness and fear towards Orwell’s warning in ‘1984’ reflects a mindset that pictures communism as a foreign idea will never happen in the reality and that freedoms are simply rights rather than privileges. However, in reality a modern reader may respond to the increasing prevalence of ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness. Wonderful addition!

Furthermore, individuals whom lived in fear of oppression and tyranny stemmed from the aftermath of war and manipulation will inevitably respond towards Orwell’s dystopian narrative with seriousness and alertness as they are aware of the dangers and the suffering experienced by those oppressed by tyranny in neighbouring countries. As a result of contrasting historical and cultural contexts across various audience groups and individuals, responses and meanings towards Orwell’s warning in the narrative ‘1984’ are distinctly differ. The contrasting values, beliefs and attitudes promoted within varying contexts can influence and shape one’s interpretation of a text.

This has really beefed up to be a very substantial response - I'm really impressed by this and I hope you can see the big difference you've made. Your perspective appears more balanced now and it really makes the discussion far more rich. I hope you're impressed with it! :)
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #924 on: April 14, 2017, 07:11:31 pm »
thank you for your help  8)
 

anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #925 on: April 15, 2017, 03:28:28 pm »
Elyse I did some editing for paragraph 2. I was hoping you could have a look at it please.
I feel as if paragraph 2 is a bit too long but I'm not sure what I should cut out. Or should I keep everything anyway?
Spoiler
1.   
« Last Edit: April 17, 2017, 10:11:46 am by anotherworld2b »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #926 on: April 16, 2017, 06:38:34 am »
Elyse I did some editing for paragraph 2. I was hoping you could have a look at it please.
I feel as if paragraph 2 is a bit too long but I'm not sure what I should cut out. Or should I keep everything anyway?

Hey! Of course :)

Spoiler
Discuss how and why different audiences/readers may make different meanings of one text you have studied.
On the contrary, individuals living in first world countries in the 21st century may to Doesn't make sense respond to Orwell’s warning towards about the threat of Communism with a lack of seriousness and appreciation. Orwell’s warning can evoke such a response from this audience group because first world countries are typically associated with being a western country that is either capitalist and/or democratic in which numerous privileges are taken for granted as rights. On the other hand Alternatively, (less words and more formal) modern readers may respond to the ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness I'm not convinced this is the best word - may respond with seriousness? It's not wrong of course, I just wonder if it could be more direct and meaningful, but this depends on what you believe an audience may think. . Typically, first world countries in the 21st century such as America provide its citizens with an unrestricted access to universal freedoms and often govern using democracy. Furthermore, it is a assumed belief that people should have access to universal rights A belief amongst who?. It is from this belief that a spoilt and conceited attitude is established towards the value and belief of accessing these freedoms and rights. Furthermore, the threat of communism is not perceived to be a driving force that can influence a modern reader’s way of life. I feel like the thing that's dragging this paragraph to be too long is the "furthermore...also...in addition... style of writing. Instead of ideas compounding each other, we are slowly progressing from one to the next rather than really dealing with anything succinctly and concurrently. It is instead considered to be a relic of the past rather than a pressing issue. However, different issues that arise from the concept of communism are applicable to modern society to a greater relation to modern readers than to contemporary readers I don't think this is a clear representation of which audience is which, but it is a good comparison nonetheless.. The terrifying subjective, I'd avoid in order to maintain sophistication. idea of surveillance on a person without their content or awareness simultaneously conveys the betrayal of trust placed in the government to be manipulated in such a way to control its citizens. Following Edward Snowden revealing a massive surveillance program in which the U.S. National Security Agency (NSA) could monitor the cellphone and internet activity of U.S. citizens the sales of 1984 spiked by about 7,000 per cent according to a survey by Pew Research Center.This recent revelation of the United States’ domestic surveillance operations further supports the eerie realisation that the distant future George Orwell imagined in ‘1984’ may not be as distant as first believed. Nice. It may seem like an absurd idea to who? I wouldn't say this part- it doesn't add anything to the discussion. but in reality the technological possibilities of surveillance and data collection and storage in modern society surpasses what Orwell imagined. In particular, Orwell’s idea in describing the extent technology can be used as invasive spyware prying into an individual’s privacy without that individual’s awareness or permission is subtly present in reality.The shocking realisation that telescreens and microphones used in 1984 are eerily similar to televisions, microphones and CCTV’s that exist in modern society evokes a sense of unease. Very nice comparison - but "shocking" isn't something we need in the analysis. Furthermore, just the thought of modern CCTV’s being used in society to spy on people without their knowledge and consent sends shivers down my spine as a contemporary reader living in the 21st century. This further reinforces the idea and knowledge that modern technology is eerily similar to the complicated mechanisms used to psychologically manipulate and control the minds of the people of Oceania by inducing paranoia and fear. In addition, a modern reader’s possible lack of seriousness and fear towards Orwell’s warning in ‘1984’ reflects a mindset that pictures communism as a foreign idea will never happen in the reality and that freedoms are simply rights rather than privileges. However, in reality a modern reader may respond to the increasing prevalence of ideas of control, government, trust/distrust, and surveillance portrayed in ‘1984’ with greater awareness and seriousness.

You're doing really well by bringing in various perspectives, you can really see the difference in the richness of the discussion between your first draft and this one! Do you see it as well? Hopefully this gives you some pointers for making it more succinct to cut it all down.
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #927 on: April 17, 2017, 04:15:04 pm »
Could I please have some help?
I am still struggling to make my paragraphs succinct yet 'packed'
My response seems to be quite long overall. I'm not sure what I should to shorten it

Spoiler


 
« Last Edit: April 18, 2017, 11:39:18 am by anotherworld2b »

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #928 on: April 18, 2017, 05:08:03 am »
Could I please have some help?
I am still struggling to make my paragraphs succinct yet 'packed'
My response seems to be quite long overall. I'm not sure what I should to shorten it

Hey anotherworld!

I find that when I need to reorganise my paragraphs, I need to plan out exactly what I want to put in it according to dot points, and then arrange the dot points with links and lines so I know which points I can squeeze together or connect. Then, without looking at the paragraph you've already written, go off your new plan (with your old draft in the back of your mind) to bring it back together. Sometimes you need to pull it apart for it to fall back together nicely - and I think you're just stuck with expression at the moment, so starting fresh might be the way to go!

To get the essay marked again, or any essay marked, I think you'll need to reach 515 posts :)
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anotherworld2b

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #929 on: April 18, 2017, 11:38:59 am »
oh ok :)
thank you for the advice
Hey anotherworld!

I find that when I need to reorganise my paragraphs, I need to plan out exactly what I want to put in it according to dot points, and then arrange the dot points with links and lines so I know which points I can squeeze together or connect. Then, without looking at the paragraph you've already written, go off your new plan (with your old draft in the back of your mind) to bring it back together. Sometimes you need to pull it apart for it to fall back together nicely - and I think you're just stuck with expression at the moment, so starting fresh might be the way to go!

To get the essay marked again, or any essay marked, I think you'll need to reach 515 posts :)